How did this happen?

[AvonCallingBarksdale]

Yesterday I went to the funeral of my friend's little boy. He was 5 and had had cancer for more than 2 years. We all knew this would be the final outcome but it is just so sad. I have never been to a funeral with a small coffin before So unfair. How can I help my friend and her family in the weeks/months/years to come? How does anyone ever get over the loss of a child? It's incomprehnsible to me.

[likesnowflakesinanocean]

so sorry to read such sad news. try to be there practically for your friend cooking,shopping ect but don't get offended if she just needs a while alone. Im sure she values your support

[expatinscotland]

'How does anyone ever get over the loss of a child?'

You don't. A real friend understands this and will never, ever trot out twaddle like, 'He's in a better place,' 'It's time to move on', 'He's happy now' or any of the like.

A real friend has no problem remembering and saying her son's name, birthday etc. Forever.

[Schulte]

My brother lost two of his children when they were only a few weeks old. He said the important thing is that people acknowledge that they existed, and keep talking about them (much more difficult when they were only in this world for such a short time). My mum calls him/SIL at every birthday and lights a candle on the anniversaries of the babies' deaths, and makes sure that there are flowers on the graves etc - all little things that help.

[AvonCallingBarksdale]

Thank you all. I'm sorry if I gave the impression that I thought she would ever be able to get over it. I know she won't. Expat, I've found it when people have said - no doubt with the best of intentions - that my friend's DS is "at peace now". I think she'd give anything for him to be here still. At the funeral there were some really old people, just distraught and one elderly relative said "I'd have gone, I've had my life." Impossible to make any sense of it. LunaticFringe, thank you, I've noted down his b'day on my diary and, yes, will keep talking about him.

[chipmonkey]

She won't get over it but when I lost my dd, my aunt, who lost two of her sons, wrote me a lovely letter and in it she said "You don't get over it but it does get easier to bear" which I found really helpful coming from someone who knew.
If your friend wants to join our bereaved Mums thread she's more than welcome. She might not feel like it for a while but we're here if she needs us xx