facebook sensitivity

(8 Posts)
lostintheforest Wed 02-Jan-13 22:40:50

My friend's baby died a few weeks ago at two days. As we are in different countries we communicate via facebook.

I have avoided putting up any pictures of my baby on facebook as I don't want to be insensitive to this friend, but now feel that I would like to put a couple up, just so that other friends can see how she is developing etc.

Do you think this would be too painful for my friend? Or do you think they would just accept it as something in someone else's life?

thanks

skratta Wed 02-Jan-13 23:08:32

Hmm. No direct experience of losing a baby, but my two friends unfortunately suffered loss, one baby died of SIDS, my other friend's baby died five hours after birth. From wh

Is there any way of emailing them, and sending them as an attachment? Ask them for their email address too, email's always a good thing to use as well as facebook.

A few weeks, it's so soon, they're still getting over everything. A mother with a living, healthy baby would still sometimes want a bit of privacy to bond with their baby, but for a bereaved parent, a few weeks is both years but also so soon. They know they face a lifetime without their little baby, and they're still having to learn to face the reality of it- if they ever can face it.

I would suggest emailing them, but not puttin them up. I remember going round to one of my friends, about two months after her baby died, because she'd phoned up but was crying, and I went around to try and comfort her, and it was because she'd seen her SIL's baby, they'd sent her an email with pictures. Unfortunately, I've now moved, so can't be there, but it was so hard, is still hard. Pictures of your baby show how her baby should be developing, but isn't. When she sees the photos, she'll think 'that should be my baby. Why can't I have my baby with me?' A few weeks seems a long time, but for death, it's incredibly short.

NatashaBee Wed 02-Jan-13 23:13:58

You can set your Facebook settings so that only certain people can see the pictures (create a group with everyone in it except your friend, then make the photo visible to that group). Although that might create more problems than it solves if someone says 'did you see X's baby pictures on Facebook?' I guess.

SweetTeaVodka Wed 02-Jan-13 23:14:58

Facebook has the facility when posting anything (status, photo, whatever) to restrict certain lists or people from being able to see it. You could put them in an album set to "share with <friends or whatever your security settings are>, except <name of your friend>.

You could always go back and change the settings so as not to exclude her at a later date, if you wish.

I have lost 2 children and you are being so kind and considerate towards your friend, you are a genuinely lovely person to have the thought even cross your mind thanks

It will be really painful for your friend just now, I think she would really appreciate a quick email from you saying that you are going to put pictures of your little one up and you realise this may upset her and ask if she wants you to make the pictures private. I know I really appreciated people just being honest and talking to me rather than trying to tiptoe about and not mention anything. It obviously depends on your relationship with your friend though, do you feel like you could message her?

spanishring Wed 02-Jan-13 23:22:38

I think it's too soon. I understand why you want to put photos up but also think you are respecting her situation by not doing it. Not yet. I think you probably realise that though

Someone I know and love has suffered a stillbirth and Facebook causes no end of pain. I think just for now hold off

Congrats to you though

everlong Thu 03-Jan-13 15:17:24

I would do what Natasha suggested. Please don't think that you're friend is going to be over her baby dying in a few weeks and that she can stomach seeing her friends baby. She won't.

Blondeshavemorefun Thu 03-Jan-13 20:12:07

as others have said put pics up but make sure she cant see them by adding her name to hide them from in status

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