As a 2nd married widow would you still visit the grave

(21 Posts)
Stepmumm Wed 19-Dec-12 09:53:17

Would you still go to the grave on your own (without kids) when you are married? Is that normal or a sign of not moving on?

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE Wed 19-Dec-12 09:55:33

I would still go. Regardless of whether you have moved on or not, they were still an important part of your life.

Do you have children who would want to visit with you?

FergusSingsTheBlues Wed 19-Dec-12 09:56:41

Yes, i would. My boyfriend died a few years ago. Im now happily married but still think about him and talk about him on his anniversary. If i lived near the grave id visit (in another country so not possible).

He died just after we split up and caused me a lot of aggro, but I think of him fondly.

Stepmumm Wed 19-Dec-12 09:57:46

Yes and i take them, but i like to go myself too, but don't want to upset anyone

rubyrubyruby Wed 19-Dec-12 09:59:21

I'm not sure exactly what you mean but I think it's always ok to visit a grave if you feel you want or need to.

ThePoppyAndTheIvy Wed 19-Dec-12 10:04:49

Of course it's OK. It is OK to still love & care for the person you have lost - even when you have managed to move on with your life & remarry.

They do not stop being a part of your life just because they have died, visit the grave as you wish. Ask yourself this: if your best friend died and, a few years later, you had another best friend would it still be OK to visit the grave of the original friend sometimes? Of course it would, life goes on and all that but we don't have to forget completely.

chipmonkey Wed 19-Dec-12 10:43:04

Of course it's OK. I don't know if anyone ever really "moves on" after a death. It's a phrase that's used but the person is always part of your life and your history. I would think it would be a little bit sad if you didn't visit his grave, tbh.

I remember meeting a lady on holiday once who had two wedding rings and two engagement rings on. One set for her husband who had died and the other for her new husband.

pumpkinsweetieMasPudding Wed 19-Dec-12 10:52:47

Yes i would.
When someone dies the choice of being with them is taken away from you.
Just because you are with someone new, your other partner will always be part of you.
No-one truly moves on from a death of a loved onesad

RyleDup Wed 19-Dec-12 10:55:19

Yes of course its ok.

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE Wed 19-Dec-12 10:57:39

If you visiting the grave of your Ex upset your current partner i would be inclined to think they were not right for you.

of course!

FireOverBethlehem Wed 19-Dec-12 11:34:41

You are mourning a person but also the place that they had in your life, and the period in your life which is now over.

Going to the grave enables you to mourn all of those things together. I see no problem with you doing it at all.

ThePoppyAndTheIvy Wed 19-Dec-12 12:34:51

Just wondering whether chipmonkey met my DM on her holiday. Or maybe it's more common that I thought to wear two wedding rings & two engagement rings.

AlienRefucksLooksLikeSnow Wed 19-Dec-12 12:39:16

I have my boyfriends picture up, he was killed in an accident 16 years ago, I have been happily with my current DP for 12, and we have 2 kids. He has never said anything about the picture always going up where ever we have lived,it's just a given. It means nothing more than I want to remember him, and to see him.

If my DP ever objected I would wonder what makes a man jealous of a dead man? If I lived nearer, I would certainly go to the grave.

chipmonkey Wed 19-Dec-12 13:12:08

I doubt it poppy, this was years ago and the lady had three boys, no daughters!

IcanandIwill Wed 19-Dec-12 13:44:36

Absolutely I would. My husband has only recently died and whatever happens in my future will never take away what we had. In my view I will never 'get over' losing him. It's not a break up, it's death. I love him now as much as before. What's changed is he's not here. If I ever meet someone else that will not replace what I had.

IcanandIwill Wed 19-Dec-12 13:47:10

What I was really trying to say is it's ok to go x

Chubfuddler Wed 19-Dec-12 13:49:49

What puds said. Have you remarried op? Does your husband object to you visiting your late husbands grave? Because that is a bit twattish.

storynanny Wed 19-Dec-12 22:36:34

My partner of 7 years still visits the grave of his late wife a couple of times a year with his daughters and grandson, I even have gone with them occasionally. We also have a photo of her in our home, I don't have any problem with that. Life is constantly changing and history will always be part of our lives.

ThePoppyAndTheIvy Wed 19-Dec-12 22:37:50

Ah, probably not then grin.

Blondeshavemorefun Wed 26-Dec-12 16:59:29

course its still ok - your 1st dh will always be part of your life

why are you asking - is your new man not happy with you visiting the grave? sad

my dh died last year and although i have met a new man, i still have pics of dh and i around the house - to a point i always will have some - and my new man is fine with that - and he has no problem about me ever talking about him , let alone visiting hus grave

if he was unhappy about the situation then he isnt the right man for you

our loved ones are dead, they will never be back in our lives and are no threat to a new partner x

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