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FIL just died, how do i tell DCs

8 replies

FlojoHoHoHo · 13/12/2012 15:13

FIL just died half an hour ago. About to collect DC from school. Is there a right or wrong way to break the news? He's 7yo

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ElfOnTheShelf · 13/12/2012 15:17

Had he been ill for some time? Could you just say that Grandpa (or whatever you call him) is out of pain now and resting in heaven (or wherever you believe people go). If it was a sudden death then I'm not sure but keep it simple.

I'm so sorry for your families loss

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SauvignonBlanche · 13/12/2012 15:19

Sorry to hear that, it's are but do try to use the word 'dead' or 'died' rather than any platitudes about 'going to sleep' or 'passed away'. They can be confusing.

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FlojoHoHoHo · 13/12/2012 15:20

No it was sudden. He had a stroke this morning.

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FlojoHoHoHo · 14/12/2012 16:25

Still haven't told him. He was so happy yesterday, I didn't want to upset him and thought I'd wait for the wkend.

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ByTheWay1 · 14/12/2012 16:34

So sorry for your loss..... my FIL died in August - just died - heart stopped..... and I had to explain to my 2 girls aged 9 and 11 at the time.....

I went with - "grandpa died- he was old and getting to the end of his life, he died peacefully and was not in any pain - and we are all going to be very sad for a while, so don't worry if you see we are upset, or crying, it is because we all loved him very much. It is ok to be sad, to cry and to think and talk about him - we will all need lots and lots of hugs and cuddles - especially grandma...."

Finished in tears and cuddles but they understood.

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FireOverBethlehem · 14/12/2012 16:35

Is there a day when you'd usually go to grandad's? When my grandmother died suddenly, on a Wednesday, mum waited until the weekend before telling my sisster and I because it was half term then. To this day, I don't know how she managed it.

How upset is your DH? Will your DS seem him tonight before he goes to bed? If he will, it might be best to tackle it this evening. If your DH can hold it together until DS is in bed, best to do it tomorrow when you're all less tired.

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frostyfingers · 14/12/2012 16:59

If you haven't said anything yet, it may be worth going out for a walk and breaking the news whilst you walk. Sometimes it just seems less confrontational and less of a "big" thing. I know of course that it is a big thing, but sometimes the "let's sit down and have a chat" stuff is quite intimidating in it's own way. I second not saying "gone to sleep and not woken up" too, this can lead to being too frightened to go to sleep. Tell his school too - they'll be able to keep an eye on him for you.

There may be just a break in the day when you feel that the time is right to tell him. I'm sorry for your loss, strokes are cruel things.

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FlojoHoHoHo · 14/12/2012 23:56

Thankyou so much. Yes they are cruel. It's a blessing that he didn't linger and suffer.
Still not told him, thought I'd wait til tomorrow.
I have split from DH but still had a good relationship with FIL.