My best friend went into labour at 25+6 and had a baby girl within a couple of hours. Baby was doing really well and chances of survival went from 60% when born to 75% the next day. She passed away tonight at 3 days old. I haven't asked why or how. I will listen when they're ready to talk. I'm completely heartbroken for them. I went to see them all yesterday and baby was just perfect, so tiny but absolutely beautiful.
They have a 2 year old boy.
I don't know what to do/say. I had to talk to somebody about it so here I am hoping you have lots of good advice..
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Bereavement
Best friend lost her baby
17 replies
BeautyBoo · 12/12/2012 23:54
OP posts:
chipmonkey ·
13/12/2012 00:33
Oh Beauty!
My daughter died suddenly after seven weeks. She was born at 28 weeks and was also doing really well so it was a total shock.
Your friends will be in utter shock right now. Don't worry too much about trying to say anything to make them feel better. Nothing you say can make it better. Just tell them that they are in your thoughts and if you pray, in your prayers.
I say this because people often tried to say something comforting, like "At least you have ds" or "She's an angel now" or "God has a plan" which were sod-all good to me at the time!
Just be there. Don't just say "Let me know if I can help" just get in there and help. Bring over a lasagne or casserole because they wont' feel like cooking. Bring her over to yours to have a cup of tea and a chat. Ask if they want you to take her little boy out to the park or to your house.
Keep texting even if you don't get a reply. Say the baby's name. Remember her birthday as well as the anniversy of her death, and for this little lady, also remember her due date.
The other thing to remember is that three months, six months, a year down the line is still early days for a bereaved parent and there is no getting over it and there is no moving on. But the pain does gradually ease so it's not so raw and easier to bear.
If she wants, you could direct her to our bereaved Mums thread here. Anyone who has lost a child is welcome and we do "get it".
chipmonkey ·
13/12/2012 10:35
Beauty, you sound like a lovely friend. I found that losing our dd really showed me who my friends were.
I had one friend that I don't see often but we had been best friends through school and college and I really expected that she would have come to see me but she didn't. I got one message saying she was sorry, then nothing since.
On the other hand, a Mum I barely knew invited me to her house for coffee and cake and was a lifesaver.
Before I lost dd, I imagined that losing a child would be like losing my Dad except maybe ten times worse. But it's actually not like that at all, it's a totally different grief. I missed my Dad very badly when he died but there was a sense of moving on, that Dad was part of my past. dd can never be in my past as she was supposed to be in my future, and she still is.
Another thing you could do is to get her a personalised Christmas tree bauble or angel with her dd's name. I'll see if I can find a link. Poor love won't be feeling Christmassy at all but my cousins did this for me last year and I so appreciated it.
ilovemydogandMrObama ·
14/12/2012 10:40
. A friend of mine lost her baby recently. It's really unbelievable what some people say/do, but was 
when a mutual friend started talking all about her own difficult birth.
So, my advice would be to take your friend's lead, and listen when she wants to talk. Obviously everyone is different and some will want to talk about it, some won't.
My friend did say later that it was very appreciated when I simply showed up with food. I did a few comfort type foods, macaroni and cheese, cottage pie, that sort of thing, and just left it for them.
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