How can I help my friend whose baby died at 2 days .. complicated ..

(4 Posts)
lostintheforest Mon 10-Dec-12 10:08:53

(namechanged for this as don't want to out my friend)

An old friend lost his baby two days after she was born.

I have been supportive and think I have said the right things. But it is complicated as he is an old friend and I don't really know his wife and I don't want things to become weird or for me to get in the way of their relationship.

The problem is that his wife is taking things very badly (obviously!) and he is being strong for the whole family (they have two other dcs) .. they live abroad so I can;t help practically. He confides in me. I don't really know how to handle it or what to say.

What should I do?

I have suggested that they get some counselling / therapy etc., that they lean on friends and family .. but i think easier for him to talk to me as I am removed from the whole situation.

Any advice greatly appreciated..

Vondo Mon 10-Dec-12 10:34:19

I'd say just listen to him - if he feels comfortable speaking to you then let him.

My DS2 was stillborn and everyone was so concerned with how I was doing that I'm not actually sure that my DH had someone he could speak to. My grief was so overpowering that I couldn't deal with others as well so would have welcomed knowing that DH had someone there to listen to him.

I'm so sorry for your friends loss sad

lostintheforest Mon 10-Dec-12 10:44:58

thanks .. sorry didn't mean to drip feed here but he is actually an ex-boyfriend. So I want to be there for him but don't in any way want to get in the way of their marriage, which sounds difficult at the moment.

In fact he just told me a load of other things about the last few years which sounds like they have been through an incredibly difficult time even before their baby died ... and I feel like I am in a very difficult position as I really do want to support him as much as i can but do not want to annoy his wife or make anything more difficult for her. But by the sounds of it there aren't many people he can confide in / lean on..

lostintheforest Mon 10-Dec-12 10:45:21

wow that's a lot of 'difficult's!

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