Support thread for anyone grieving for a parent

(980 Posts)
mummylin Sat 08-Dec-12 19:28:41

I have done as maybe has suggested and started a new thread.My comp dosent cope well with long threads.

likesnowflakesinanocean Tue 19-Mar-13 13:42:53

Hi all sorry i dropped of the radar been having a pretty naff time of it for various reasons but trying to take control now. Mum would hate everything thats happening now she would want to change the world for us. I miss her so bloody much. I have all but given up on my friends, still have seen none of those that i thought would be closest too me. I wanted to do the race for life or the walk for the local hospice to raise some funds but just cant afford it at the minute there is a joining fee of around £15 then the travel too and from ect. maybe next year when i am doing a bit better and feeling a bit stronger.

Hope you are getting used to your new toy mummylin what a fab suprise and the plate sounds beautiful too. I use my tablet to mn on and often put full stops all over my posts.

mummylin Tue 19-Mar-13 14:57:59

Hi snowflakes, I of course have no idea how to do anything yet,but I have got the 4ictures game ! Sorry to hear that. Things are not too good for you. At the moment. How far away from you is the race for life taking place? Mabe there would be others going that could give you a lift. I would willingly contribute towards the 15£ you need. Sorry for odd disjointed sentences I don't know how to put things right yet ! Hello to everyone else,ashamed to say iam having a lazy day today and another day without cooking as its our normal sibling meet up tonight and its one of my brothers turn to pay,so even better!

likesnowflakesinanocean Tue 19-Mar-13 15:01:07

haha sibling meet up sounds good. to be honest i dont know if i would be able to get round the atmpsphere was electric last time and i got teary and now to do it without her. god i cry when i see red cabbage in asda. things will get better as they say i doubt they could get much worse so the only way is up! x

mummylin Tue 19-Mar-13 15:05:09

Think of it another way,not so much doing it without her but doing it FOR her in her memory x

vladthedisorganised Tue 19-Mar-13 15:19:43

Hi everyone, and a belated happy anniversary, mummylin!
Doing much better since mothers' day - haven't been back to the plot since but Dad has promised to give me a map.

The penny seems to have dropped for DD when she said in a small voice that 'Gran isn't coming back, is she?' - very sweetly, she then decided that Granddad must need cheering up and promptly wrapped an assortment of random bits of Lego in tissue paper as 'a present' grin She's quite happy that DH and I aren't going anywhere and is quite open about the fact that she misses her Gran, but it's been nice seeing Dad gain in confidence with her over the last few weeks (he's always felt nervous of picking her up in case he drops her, for example, and tends to prefer me to be around all the time in case he has to run after her or whatever). He even took her to the park solo which was a real first - I don't think he even did that with me as a child, so it was really lovely to see.

Not feeling quite as sick as previously but looking forward to the scan so I can finally go public about the pregnancy. I think I'm about 11 weeks along now, but the scan won't be until 15th April which seems ages away!
The dreams are coming back which is reassuring; in the last one Mum had the kettle on and was chattering away like her normal self. It's nice to see her, if that makes sense.

mummylin Tue 19-Mar-13 15:39:20

Good to see the great bonding going on with your dad and dd. I'm sure she will be great comfort to him for the future. Another couple of weeks until your scan ,but I'm sure the time will speed past,you have something so lovely to look forward to. I don't think I can do any smilies on here or even a link because there are no straight brackets that I can find

mummylin Tue 19-Mar-13 15:41:57

thanks is this it ?

vladthedisorganised Tue 19-Mar-13 16:06:22

Aww, thanks mummylin! I will let you all know how many there are when the 15th rolls around: DH and I both have twins in our family so it is a possibility!

mummylin Tue 19-Mar-13 16:21:21

My sister has twin one year old girls, no twins in either side up till now !

ssd Tue 19-Mar-13 19:03:38

I wonder why I've never dreamt of my mum or dad, a proper dream, not a crazy mixed up one. I'd love to see their faces in a dream and to talk to them would be unreal. But I dont think I ever will, I think I've had my moments.

t875 Wed 20-Mar-13 13:45:46

Hi Everyone! Not bad here, feeling sad a bit more as the anniversary of the first year approaches.

Still looking for work but its quiet but I keep looking.
Thinking of you all where you are in your stage, hugs for anyone struggling.
starting to question so much if/what we could have done to have stopped the stroke from happening, some times of my day its eating me up.
Really pain ful at the moment to look at things of hers, i miss her so much.
She does drive me forward though as she wouldnt like me to be sad but its very very hard. Cant believe this time last year we were discussing easter, now this year me and my dad are discussing what we are doing in memory of her. sad

Hi to everyone on the thread, my thoughts are with you all xx

PinkiLinzy Wed 20-Mar-13 17:41:18

Hi Mummylin, et al!

Dad died nearly 2 years ago now. I am going down to his place at the weekend to finally get it on the market. Not really looking forward to that! Might explain my low mood of late...

So glad I found this place!

mummylin Wed 20-Mar-13 19:57:24

Hello pink I don't envy you having to do that job. When we had to sell my mums it was with very mixed feeling. On one hand we wanted to get rid
of it because of what had happened. On the other hand we were heartbroken to think someone else would be in mums house. And seeing the sold sign was awful. Hello to the rest of you, hope all going as we'll as can be expected x

BadRoly Thu 21-Mar-13 00:00:00

Please can I sneak back in? I'm struggling at the moment. It all just seems so pointless. I feel like I no longer have an extended family. That me and the dc have just dropped off everyone's radar. Then I feel guilty for thinking like that because everyone else has got shit going on too. I'm just so sad and miss my dad do much and I want him back.

mummylin Thu 21-Mar-13 00:16:31

Of course you can badroly anytime you want to. Sorry to see you are struggling. Yes you are right that others just seem to continue with their lives whilst you are in so much pain. It is right that they do this but it never fails to amaze me how quickly people fail to think about someone who is grieving.
We have most of us found this out for ourselves. I guess that is the way of the world. It seems only others in the same position can empathise. And yes I suppose that maybe when we are grieving we can only focus on that and do forget that perhaps others have different problems. Do come and post whenever you feel the need.thanks

BadRoly Thu 21-Mar-13 08:33:34

Thank you Mummylin, you are very wise! I have found that grief is very self centred, we each get wrapped up in our little bubble of 'carrying on' but then there comes a point (this week in my case) when that bubble gets very lonely. I was in a bad way last night for the first time in a while and I needed to get it out. Thank you for letting me do it here smile

t875 Thu 21-Mar-13 09:52:49

Hi badroly, even after 10 months i still feel that lonely bubble and feel that gaping hole where my mum should be. It is very hard. I have also found this or people expect you to be better now! No one will know what we are going through unless they have felt or gone through a significant loss to them. I definately have learnt that who really matters and do what also makes me content * maybe not right word but ykwim*
I won't be there for a few of my friends now in the way I was.
Maybe a light a candle for your dad or do something you would have done together. I believe they are with us but I also feel the pain of that not being enough. But when I do get that feeling she is with me. ( I do feel her around me and I just can't explain it but I do) I know she helps me when I have a problem or dilemma! I get my answer. They never leave us but somedays I do find it very hard as I miss her physically. I also will mention CRUSE bereavement councilling I have had 4 sessions and it really has helped me.

Come back anytime, we are here for each other (((hugs))) to you! Talk to us anytime. Xx

mummylin Thu 21-Mar-13 11:55:15

For myself I really don't know what I would of done without all you guys to talk to. There is no-one in RL that I can say things to so it is good to be able to chat to people who really understand. I know I am not the only one in my family grieving but no-one ever wants to talk about mum,but I do. So I don't bother I just shut up and say nothing. So it's a massive thank you to everyone from me to you all thanks x

mummylin Thu 21-Mar-13 11:57:39

I am loving this little iPad and I am now thinking of selling my new computer, as you know I haven't liked it from day one so will have to see if dh would mind if I sold my Xmas present !

t875 Thu 21-Mar-13 17:16:39

Ah I feel the same mummylin! My cyber sisters!! I'm certainly going to need support in the next few weeks leading up to the time of her passing!
Glad your enjoying your I pad mini! Good for you!!

I just got a no for a job me and another girl went for! Saud the other girl was nearer but I really wanted it. I'd admit had a small cry! sad god it's hard to find work fitting round kids and part time/ temporary!!

thanks these for all on the thread xx

mummylin Thu 21-Mar-13 17:31:33

t875 any chance you could take in young foreign students through the summer! Would give you a bit of income and a break from looking for work. I have done this for years. but since mum died I haven't. We made a lot of young friends and two years ago went to one of our students wedding in Finland !

ssd Thu 21-Mar-13 18:04:52

sorry to read that about your job t875, I really hope something comes up for you soon

mummylin, I agree with being glad that we have this thread flowers

mummylin Thu 21-Mar-13 19:07:32

How are you ssd? I think that you really struggle more than some of us. I wish we could help you more. Sadly we are all so scattered around the country I think.but we do have our sanctuary!

BadRoly Thu 21-Mar-13 21:21:28

T875 I think we both started on here at a similar time, and I recognise ssd too from earlier. It's May that dad died. Same week as dh's stepdad. Boy what a fun week THAT was.

I'm much much happier today. More settled again. I was sobbing as I posted sat night, I think I just needed to get it all out. Plus my brother had to ave an op on his back yesterday. The second time. The first time was the day before dad died...

Honestly, when I read what I've written I think it sounds like a bleeding soap opera or I'm a troll. If only huh?!

BiscuitsandBaileys Thu 21-Mar-13 21:49:35

Hope everyone is doing ok.
Today would have been my Dad's 70th Birthday, oh how we would have spoilt him.
Happy Birthday Dad wine so sorry you didn't get to see it. We had a little get together and a drink or two! Love you and mum always xx

I know what you mean badroly about your life being like a soap opera! You couldn't make it up, like you say- if only!

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