Support thread for anyone grieving for a parent

(980 Posts)
mummylin Sat 08-Dec-12 19:28:41

I have done as maybe has suggested and started a new thread.My comp dosent cope well with long threads.

likesnowflakesinanocean Fri 01-Mar-13 21:30:36

hope you are all doing okay too. have been doing a bit better since i not been into town less mothers day stuff to avoid. had lots on at home as a few of you know we have been having a few problems so havent been on here much. Some days are so much harder i physically panic at the thought of never seeing her again. Other days i remember just how bad those last few months were and that she didnt want her life to be how it was. i dont know, it hurts so much some days its hard to see it as anything other than total shit. others there is a clarity where i know things would of got worse. the children are keeping me busy as ever my calendar is mad the next few weeks but ill hop on as and when. anyone who wants a chat feel free to pm as usual. thinking of you all especially over the coming mothers day. I intend to eat chocolate, stay in with ds and make a start on my planter. can see it being a very teary, sorry for myself brother and sister kind of day x

likesnowflakesinanocean Fri 01-Mar-13 21:31:07

wishing you all strength mummylin, how awful and totally wrong. as usual its never easy to find anything to say but shes in my thoughts.

mummylin Sat 02-Mar-13 13:34:44

Nothing much has changed overnight but from what I have gathered this morning its expected to be all over by about Tuesday. What a terrible time for her family. I feel so sorry for her, she is lovely lady. For myself I am getting fed up with all the lovely mothers day cards I see every time I go into a shop. Its a very difficult time all round at the moment. Hope you are all ok.thanks for your thoughts.x

ssd Sat 02-Mar-13 18:58:13

Hi everyone

funnily enough the mothers day cards aren't bothering me too much, I haven't been near too many shops lately and if I see and I just look away quickly

am feeling very very lonely today, seen a friend yesterday who has mum/dad/MIL/FIL, great sister....and her chat has left me lonely for even one of these

just feel empty and alone

dogslife Sat 02-Mar-13 19:40:02

took ds to the grave for the first time today. was nice that he chatted and walked about being his funny self but broke my heart him saying bye to the stone. god I miss her so much. sorry you are feeling lonely, its hard when you have to watch people have wat you want. mothers day is totally gutting me too sad.

likesnowflakesinanocean Sat 02-Mar-13 20:10:35

bugger, sorry. that was me

ssd Sun 03-Mar-13 09:47:59

thats just it snowflakes, its watching others having in abundance what you'd like yourself, even just a tiny bit

I'm sorry you're feeling bad too, how old is ds? my ds's dont really talk about my mum, they were more involved with her when they were younger and she was less frail

likesnowflakesinanocean Sun 03-Mar-13 16:31:32

ds is 5, he talks about my mum alot. we pretty much spent most of our time there after school and weekends. he misses her alot its hard. our gramps went into hospital recently and he hated it said that the hospital couldnt fix his nanna. its so hard to see him hurt and not be able to take it away when usually i can. hes doing good though and his memory box has really helped. how are you all today? i think like that too ssd, especially when people are moaning about how they have to buy a card/present and are expected to take their mum out. ive said more than a few times this week so you should, some people are unbelieveable.

mummylin Sun 03-Mar-13 16:58:08

Oh my god ,what I wouldn't give to be able to take my mum out.I would give the world.people dont know how lucky they are to still have their mum.

likesnowflakesinanocean Sun 03-Mar-13 17:04:11

mm I had the pleasure of listening to said friend ranting on about the cost and time. was met with a quick oh yeah sorry when I said what I wouldnt give to be buying anything other than some flowers for a grave sad. I have learnt to be more vocal when people upset me. it usually is met with awkward silence

ssd Sun 03-Mar-13 18:02:23

theres a girl at work who goes on about her mum all the time, I'm working with her soon and I know she'll go on about mothers day, I'll try to get away from her if I can..unfortuanely shes the type who wouldnt notice an awkward silence she just talks and talks....if its not her mum its her holiday in florida....she hasnt been away for ages (since last yr), we've been abroad once in 15 years but all she talks about is how much she needs a break

sigh. some folk are a real pita arent they

ssd Sun 03-Mar-13 18:03:38

snow, thats nice your little ds talks about your mum x

Chopchopbusybusy Sun 03-Mar-13 22:46:09

My Mum died on 27/01/13. She lived a few hundred miles form me, so I had a few weeks there sorting out things and of course the funeral. I'm back home now. Been home for a coi

Chopchopbusybusy Sun 03-Mar-13 22:50:34

Sorry - a couple of weeks. Feel as though everyone thinks I should be back to normal now! People have actually said 'hope things are getting back to normal now' . Eerm - no - she was my mum for 52 years, it might take more than a few weeks.

ssd Mon 04-Mar-13 08:05:19

sorry to read that chop

people do indeed think you'll get over it in a few weeks, its amazing their lack of feelings

vladthedisorganised Mon 04-Mar-13 10:43:27

Sorry to hear that chopchop. Hope you're managing. People are really strange, aren't they? There's also the hard part of responding to people who say 'how are you? I haven't heard from you in a few days.." - yes, I know, I'm being rude by not replying immediately, but I have 100 thank you cards to write (to take the burden off Dad - but a burden it certainly is), a small child to look after, a job to hold down and tbh I can't face calling people only to have nothing to say to them, if that makes sense.

Spent yesterday crying: it really is hitting me like a truck. Had some stomach cramps and started worrying about miscarriage: if I had that to deal with as well I don't know what I'd do, but can only hope it doesn't happen.

My only comic relief is that someone seems to be putting the moves on Dad already! He thinks she's being unexpectedly neighbourly - dropping by an awful lot to see if he's OK 'and because she doesn't want him to be alone..'; she sent a card saying 'You're not alone in your grief' and is saying a lot that 'he needs someone to look after him' (he's quite an independent sort and definitely not 'helpless') but as soon as I turn up she glares at me and does a body swerve! Strange woman...

mummylin Mon 04-Mar-13 10:57:42

good morning everyone.Not anything good happening at this end.The lady is not having an injection today ,they are actually inserting a drip which will put her into a coma like position,then she will peacefully pass away.It was due to be done at 8am this morning ,but don't actually know if this is the case.I feel so sorry and to be honest it all sounds horrendous to me.But she is in such a lot of pain and her organs aren't working as they should.I feel very sorry for all of her family ,what an ordeal they are going through.All I can do is wait for the dreaded phone call from my dd.
Sorry to see yet another new person on this thread.What is it with people who seem to think that all is well after a couple of weeks / months.We can all clearly see that is not the case just by reading this thread.Very insensitive. People out there.Now we must all face the weekend and what we should/ would of been doing if our loved ones were still here.My mum would of been sat at home like a queen waiting for us all to arrive,she loved it. There was always sibling rivalry to see who got her the biggest card which used to amuse her a lot.I am waiting for my laminate card to arrive,it has the loveliest words on it which made me cry.I may copy it here for you to read.vlad hope everything is ok regarding your pregnancy.chopchop sorry you are here, but welcome.This thread is a lifeline really,its so good to be able to talk to like minded people ,after all they are the only ones who understand what we have / are all going through.

mummylin Mon 04-Mar-13 11:04:19

fletch I will be thinking of you tomorrow,hope it all goes as smoothly as possible.[ big hug from me ]xxx

mummylin Mon 04-Mar-13 15:15:18

I am feeling incredibly on edge today and its not helped by all the cold calling I have been having either,everytime the house phone rings I think its going to be news of some sort.Not sure if its the same people keep ringing but one of them asked " am I speaking to Mr ....." when its quite obvious I am female !!!! have developed an annoying twitch in my eyelid too.

ssd Mon 04-Mar-13 16:17:53

oh mummylin, we all have you to thank for starting this thread, its been a lifeline for all of us here too!

I'm so sorry you are waiting for sad news, the poor lady's family, what an awful time for them all, I forget people are getting the same news I got all the time, its as if my world has stood still but of course things are still happening all the time.

Your card sounds lovely, I'd love to read whats inside it, if its not too hard for you to post, dont worry if you cant. I know what you mean about feeling edgy, its awful isnt it. sad

vlad, hope your cramps go away, do you think it could be nerves causing it? I hope you are ok.

to everyone else, I'm thinking of you all even if I havent mentioned you. As mummylin says, thank God we have this thread, people can be so extremely insensitive, I just want to scream at them "wait till its your turn"...but thats horrible isnt it.

hugs and thoughts to us all xx

mummylin Mon 04-Mar-13 20:34:38

ssd the card dosent have a middle ,its just a flat laminated card with the lovely words written on the front of it,they provide you with a prong thing which you can stand into the earth,i was hoping it would come today ,but it hasn't,i know its been dispatched so it will arrive at some point.Not heard anything yet.

ssd Mon 04-Mar-13 22:33:00

ah right, sounds lovely, did you choose the words that are written on it?

mummylin Tue 05-Mar-13 00:00:26

no,they are from an ebay shop and there are loads to choose from ,just like in the shops.they have them for every occasion.Reasonable cost as well plus the postage..

ssd Tue 05-Mar-13 08:06:31

will look them up, thanks x

ssd Tue 05-Mar-13 09:44:23

I'm going to phone cruse up and ask them about seeing a counselor again. I phoned not long after my mum died and they said it was too soon, its nearly 6 months now so I'm going to phone them again. I've got a lot of issues in my head I cant get past. Mainly about feeling so alone now. I feel I lost so many people when mum died, not just her. My family were hopeless and I'm so resentful of them, also extended family I thought I was very close to have been utterly useless in their silence. I've got more sympathy and understanding from friends and on here than I got from my own flesh and blood. Maybe that's normal, But I feel I need to hear it from someone. My anger and resentment isn't going away and its eating into the rest of my life. That's not good, is it? I just feel angry at the world, angry at those who got over mums death in a week, angry at cousins who still have their mum, angry at friends who have a wide circle of family support and rub it in, angry at dh for never getting why I'm quiet, angry at bloody everyone.

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