Support thread for anyone grieving for a parent

(980 Posts)
mummylin Sat 08-Dec-12 19:28:41

I have done as maybe has suggested and started a new thread.My comp dosent cope well with long threads.

mummylin Mon 25-Feb-13 12:23:37

helloabbyfromoz So sad to see yet another name on this thread,Sorry that you too are now going through this awful grieving process.he does sound as if he has a great life and was a lot of fun.he may not be here in the physical sense but he will always be in your heart and your memories,keep hold of those ,they are very precious.
fletch hope work goes ok today,its a big strain isn't it.Glad that everything has been sorted,it seems as though we are all in limbo whilst waiting for the funeral day to arrive.Almost unreal.How is your dad coping ?

t875 Tue 26-Feb-13 10:57:57

just jumping in quick to say to Fletch..

fletch Thinking of you for tomorrow its very hard time and we will be with you holding out a hand. Hope it goes the best it can.
Here for you xx

I will be back in a bit, sorry ive not been around the computer much the last few days.

Hope everyones days are going along not too bad, thinking of you all xx

whathellcall Tue 26-Feb-13 13:09:55

I lost my mum 3 years past last november. It does get easier but feels a bit raw today. I had a dream about her last night, she gave me a big hug and I asked if she was happy now. It was so vivid, crying my bulbs out remembering it. She never got to see my babies, miss her. sad

mummylin Tue 26-Feb-13 15:47:46

whathellcall welcome to this thread.Dont the dreams seem so real.I am lucky in that I have had two dreams of my mum ,she didn't speak in either of them ,but they just seemed so real.I cant see how anyone can ever get over such a devastating loss.Mums are so very special aren't they .

whathellcall Tue 26-Feb-13 16:21:19

Thanks mummylin I've had a few dreams, they're lovely at the time, it's like having them back again for a few minutes, but can be upsetting to remember them the next day sad

Just seen how recent poor fletch lost her mum, hope she's ok. It's one of the hardest things to get through, thankfully the old cliches are true, it does get easier with time.

ssd Tue 26-Feb-13 19:16:22

hi girls

feel a bit low just now, am just missing it all

xx

mummylin Tue 26-Feb-13 19:43:18

hello ssd sorry you are feeling bad today.can you plan something nice for a couple of months time to give you something to look forward to ?? There is no easy answer to all of this is there.But its made worse for you because of the family situation.I can imagine you must feel alone in your grief.But your not ,we are all here and feeling it with you. I am feeling ok today as I had my tattoo to my mum done at lunchtime today.I now feel happy that my mum will always be with me.keep your chin up ,you will get there eventually,wherever "there" is thanks xx

ssd Wed 27-Feb-13 09:32:46

thanks so much mummylin, thats really nice of you. Its amazing that you and others here like t875 know me better than my own siblings!! I do feel very alone in my grief and I think that sort of compounds it. But I know the only thing that'll help is time. I havent got the money just now to book anything special, dh's job is on the line, so we're plodding along waiting to see what happens there. I worry about money all the time, with mum gone there's no one there to borrow from now, so it feels another way we're on our own with things.
Your tattoo sounds great, good for you!! Was it sore? If you can put a picture on your profile for us to see it, but only if you want to.
but thanks for your message, this board really cheers me up xx

vladthedisorganised Wed 27-Feb-13 10:30:24

Hi all, have been away for a bit and wanted to say to fletch that I hope it all goes ok today.
ssd, hope you're doing reasonably OK: is there a friend who you could invite around? I need a lot of distraction at the moment personally. I bet there are a few people who would love to treat you to something nice - are you in the South East?
You all made me smile about the dreams: I've had some lovely ones about Mum, only one was in any way sad in that she was wearing a jacket that was too big for her and completely the wrong colour: she always asked my advice on clothes and I woke up saying "You know, that's a wee bit ageing on you Mammy - would something a bit brighter not be better? You can get away with it you know.." smile
I think mothers' day will be hard as I was looking forward to treating her, but hopefully DH has something planned. I don't like thinking of Christmas as it was the time when we always went shopping together: this year was hard as she couldn't make it but it somehow seems worse that I won't even be able to bring the bags over to see what she thinks.
How was the tattoo mummylin?
Doctors' appointment is tomorrow morning so hopefully I'll get some idea of when this morning sickness will end. Getting some very specific food cravings which might mean I have to take a 15 mile trip at the weekend to get a German-style pretzel!

t875 Wed 27-Feb-13 11:03:24

Hi Everyone.

mummylin bless you with your 'mum' tattoo she is with you with you having a tattoo of her, how nice.
whatthehell its mind blowing isnt it when we have dreams, I had one of my mum and she spoke to me but I was ok, it was 4/5 months in though who knows how i'd feel now though if I one now especially so close to her anniversary.

The ladies who have joined lately Im so behind, I am so sorry you are going through loss, it is very hard. We are here for you to talk too, surround yourself around people who make you feel comfortable, look out for you, maybe have a few memories around you of them to make them feel close, light a candle, or buy a little plant. Big hugs to you all, it is very hard but you are not on your own. If you really do have hard times please don't forget CRUSE bereavement Councillors I have had 3 sessions and they have been great to talk to and a great support. Someone mentioned them to me and I thought give them a go and glad I did xx

ssd I remember a blur of a horrible fog of just literally getting on with daily functions but the sadness was massively over whelming at times last year.
I can safely say was a very difficult time. But I know my mum wouldn't want me to be mourning her too much (which helps in some respects as she strives me forward) but its bloody difficult eh! I know though I had to try and stay on the ripply surface of grief as i was near to getting depressed often, just about got out of bed some days one month. I'm with mummylin, book something for you to look forward too, arrange to see your friends hun. Look after you!! Buy yourself a nice cream cake treat yourself you deserve it, big hugs ((((())))) xxx

I'm not too bad, its tough at times, had a cry last night about mothers day I don't know how ill do it but I will as she will kick me up the arse if I don't, she will want me to have a nice time. But it will be hard.
I just still cant believe it!!!! How the hell is she not here,ooh I miss her like mad. sad I believe she is around though i guess I just keep believing in that as its all ive got.

HUGS to you all xxx

t875 Wed 27-Feb-13 11:16:31

Vlad - Hi im the same as you, i am distracting myself a fair bit at the moment and very close to tears so I try and stay on the surface! Im in the south east! grin I know what you mean about the dreams, the dreams i dream though of my mum she looks about 4 years younger when she had a fuller face and mrs bouquet hair, she reminded me so much like her! Answered the phone like her!! I really think the last 3 years now looking at pics she aged a fair bit! Looking at her photos from mothers day last year she looked really rough, but never would have known it, she had a cough and wasn't sleeping well, but who would have thought was round the corner sad

still looking for work, its very dire but i plug on!! Concentrating on decorating the front room!!

Hope your morning sickness isnt too bad, keep us posted how things are going, chat to us about any of it hun x

BiscuitsandBaileys Wed 27-Feb-13 14:57:05

Just popping on to say t875 and vlad I'm in the south east too!

I've only had one dream about my mum, that was not long after she'd passed away and I woke up smiling for the first time in ages. I've not had any about my dad yet, would love to though.

mummylin Wed 27-Feb-13 17:21:03

just had a call to say my dd partners mum is dying, she has given up I think but with different things happening in her family I understand,More later have to go out again now.Ps tattoo on profile .Fine today no soreness or anything,but it did bloody hurt xx

t875 Wed 27-Feb-13 19:43:20

oh mummylin thats awful!! I am so sorry to hear this, my word I cant believe what you are all going through there as a family. Sending you hugs and support, here if you need a chat.
btw your tattoo is lovely. xx

check us out the southeasterners eh! are we near the coast? grin xx

mummylin Wed 27-Feb-13 23:34:02

Just came back from my dd.She had been is hospital since boxing day,un til last week when her dd came home from spain to visit.They said she could come home if her dd was prepared to change dressings on her legs each day,now been home a week and had to have doc out today.She has deteriorated a lot and there is nothing they can do for her,her lungs are full and solid,her legs are weeping fluid.It may be only a few days.yes seem to be surrounded by death the last few weeks,but this is not my grief it will be my dd partner[ ex] and his sister.She has given up on life after losing her dh when she had 4 young children,lost two of her sons to alchoholism and the 3rd son is going the same way,hence why he is dd ex. He is a great guy but drink comes first,before my dd and their two girls. that is another long story and not what this thread is for.But we afraid of what his mums death will do to him,she is a lovely lady and I feel very sad for her.They have offered to take her into hospital ,but she wants to stay at home.She is aware of the situation.Very very sad.

mummylin Wed 27-Feb-13 23:35:30

Just read that back and just to clarify ,not my dd in hospital,the lady who is dying.

t875 Thu 28-Feb-13 07:55:47

Oh how sad for the lady mummylin. Prayers to her on her final days. And to your daughter how lovely of her to be there with her giving her support xx

NormaStanleyFletcher Thu 28-Feb-13 08:16:01

Hello all, and thank you all for your kind words. The funeral is next week Vlad (these things seem to take longer to get done than they used to). Feel a bit like I am in limbo until that is over. I am in work today, so that will be good to have the distraction.

We have decided on the songs for the funeral, I have cut and paste this from a thread about funeral songs

"To start it will be Whiter Shade of Pale , because it was always one of her favourites and reminded both her and my Dad of sitting on college lawns in the hot summer in the '60s when they were at university there.

At the end it will be Diamonds on the Soles of her SHoes. Mum had an individual style, never wore heels, but had a collection of mad flat shoes, including sequined trainers, sparkly DMs and a favourite pair of multi coloured swirly flats (which will travel on top of her coffin on the day. When asked about memories of my mum, several people have mentioned her shoes!"

We have no idea how many people will be coming.

M how sad for that lady and her family.

t875 Thu 28-Feb-13 11:52:13

Hi Norma, thank you for sharing the songs, they are lovely songs and what you said about your mum and her life very appropriate.
we are here for anything you want to tell us and here for you.
Thinking of everyone, hope your day isnt going too bad. xx

mummylin Thu 28-Feb-13 11:52:37

hello everyone.Situation has worsened and she is asking to see my dd and my granddaughters [ she is the other nan] So they are there now. her son is on the way home from work.her heart is under too much strain,lungs are solid with something and kidneys are not working.Dont think it will be long.Its all very sad.She is such a nice person.All this started when she was wringing out a mop and cracked a bone just above her hip.Went into hospital on boxing day supposedly for a few days.then got steadily worse.has had two bouts of pneumonia whilst in there and from what dd said she has it now.
*fletch glad you have everything sorted.That sounds lovely about the shoes.In a way it will be some sort of relief I expect when its all done. In between death and the funeral is often like no-mans land.Hope you are coping ok.How is it going for you at work ? look after yourself x

mummylin Thu 28-Feb-13 11:54:02

ps I am on the south coast ,but its south west !!

t875 Thu 28-Feb-13 11:59:12

to add to Norma - Hope the funeral goes ok on Monday if we dont get to talk to you before that times. Will be thinking of you. xx

ssd -Hope you are going along ok today hun, xx

BiscuitsandBaileys Thu 28-Feb-13 17:56:09

t875 No I'm not near to the coast, would love to be though!

mummylin Fri 01-Mar-13 10:44:04

The situation is still the same .

t875 Fri 01-Mar-13 13:26:16

Oh mummylin thinking of you guys, it's so hard what to say I. This situation. I hope she is comfortable and sending strength.

Back out again. Will check
In later. Thinking of everyone Xx

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