Support thread for anyone grieving for a parent

(980 Posts)
mummylin Sat 08-Dec-12 19:28:41

I have done as maybe has suggested and started a new thread.My comp dosent cope well with long threads.

ssd Wed 12-Dec-12 09:28:32

sorry I'm not addresing posters individually am just off to work will come back later xx

am hearing you all thoughx

Blardy robin keeps falling off the tree i think because its an actual figure that has wire that wraps round the branch it keeps toppling. I need super ideas to keep it stuck where its supposed to be and upright rather than looking bedraggled.

Its nice to think we still have a connection, i dont have any videos, wish i did id give anything to hear her voice again.

t875 Wed 12-Dec-12 12:19:30

Maybe - You poor thing, i know how hard this is, me and my hubby have had times like this. Have you got friends you can see just to give you a break? We need to also look out for ourself too. Hope you guys smooth over, we have them times they are back and forth for us, my husband has some serious selfish elements. Were actually talking more about stuff more than ever. We have a catch up once a week, things have got better for us since we have done this, And i would make sure i got a night out even if i went to a friends for a coffee or a vino and a bite to eat.

Have a chat with him and put across how you feel. Hope gets better, {{hug}}

Wow im loving reading the stories of the robins, it must be some sort of connection for definate. Ive also got the robin on the christmas tree, it has wire on the feet so it can stay on the tree. Could you do the same waiting put some sort of wire on it or what about blue tack??

ssd - ill PM you back smile Thanks for the story of the robin, i also think this is the case, as the significance of the robin.
I saw him again this morning! woohoo!

Me and my mum done a lot of crafts together, craft making, sequins, beads..well i have drawn a christmas tree for her on a small piece of paper and decorated it with stars, sequins, and drew lights on it, its on her shelf.
sparkling when the sun hits it. Im sure she loves it, well i saw the robin after smile

Thinking of you all, hoping your day isnt too bad xx

Will give it a try! It's sort of hanging sideways at the minute doesnt look very festive!

Such a dreadful urge to call her and hear her voice.....sometimes just for a second I think I will give her a call.......and then I remember I can't. This is after 2 years 3 months and a bit!!

t875 Wed 12-Dec-12 13:22:44

ah betty {{{{hugs}}}} that has got to be the hardest thing for me having her not around to talk to and to hear her voice and a hug. So very hard. I do have the belief that she is hugging me loads but it kills some days to think i want to feel it! xx

waiting as your mum for a helping hand with your robin xx

t875 Wed 12-Dec-12 13:23:26

*ask x

mummylin Wed 12-Dec-12 13:33:24

maybe i hope things soon improve,i have not found my dh to be as supportive as i would of liked either.If i am very quiet or feeling down in the dumps he will ask me what is wrong,I then will snap back because I think he should know !!Maybe its because its not his mum.His mum died years ago now and he didnt seem to dwell on it like i am with my mum.is it a female thing ?I am happy to read all the little tales about the robin.
betty its just over a year for me ,but like you would love to be able to give my mum a call or have her pop in for a cup of tea.
gymboy i hope you will manage to cope with today.Its a horrible feling isnt it and if you are like me ,i found myself going over and over that awful day.Its just horrible.
everyone Are we all dreading getting to xmas and fearful of how we will feel on that day ? I am trying to do things as we used to do before mum died but its so hard.I have put the tree up as i have family coming for xmas day,maybe thats the best thing ,it has made me do things,and it means i will be busy that day so that may help a bit.Still not making much progress with my shopping though.I seem to of gone brain dead and cannot think of anything except my mum.I really must pull myself up together and get serious shopping.With you all in spirit xx

mummylin Wed 12-Dec-12 13:34:57

Ps can you attach the robin on to the tree with a green clothes peg ??

ooh good idea, blue tack effort didnt work just caused tinsel and sparkly strand mayhem.

I am trying to keep christmas going for the kids, have made all sorts of homey crafys and started a christmas eve hamper to get some of our own traditions but my hearts not really in it. She was christmas to me, i would spend some of the day with her at least and mostly had dinner with her too. its hard for me to imagine wanting to haul my ass out of bed on christmas day but i will for the dcs who so deserve this christmas to be amazing after the shitty year they have had.

On my last shopping trip with mum she bought her dg sons a bauble with top grandson on, My ds put his onto his bedroom tree last night so she could be close to him, sobbed my heart out he is only 5 and shouldnt have to go through this its hard enough. I am grateful, eternally for who and what she was. I would never change her, not even if i could have a mum who lived to a hundred and thirty she was everything.

mummylin Wed 12-Dec-12 14:35:31

Its a good and a bad day here today,good because my eldest grandaughter is 18 and bad because my mum would of loved coming out with us tonight. Not a bad day to be 18 is it 12/12/12 but she wasnt born at twelve ,she came at 4 mins past 11pm and was the first baby i had seen born.I just remember seeing her head [ without her body being born yet ] and her little face looked so angry !! that is a nice memory.I will have to go and sort out something to wear soon.Just got to pop to shops to get her a balloon,when dh gets home.I have bought her an 18th necklace and believe it or not i went to the make a bear shop and got her a bear which sings happy birthday and a little t-shirt for it which says happy birthday and a pair of shoes grin So for a change today there is something nice going on.

t875 Wed 12-Dec-12 15:49:33

mummylin - Hope the 18th party goes ok, i can imagine a mixture of emotions there, sounds lovely all what you have done for her. For my daughters birthdays i got a glittery clip on butterfly and i clipped it on their card and said a little birthday touch from nanny, and my eldest has the butterfly on her book shelf.

waiting I know what you mean about christmas my mum was christmas, i absolutely hate we arent chatting about our plans, what bargains we have got from where, what were going to wear..i miss her incredibly sad
im carrying on the same as you for the dc as my mum would hate for us to be sad and also the children love christmas so we gotta keep it going. Thinking of you, get some little bits still that she would have got, im going to get a lovely table ornament for the table, we used to have a cinzano so im going to have a glass of cinzano for her. We havent got them here, but we can still bring them in is my feeling. I get a good feeling by what she likes too when im up the shops, i have to be careful people cant hear me talk to her though. smile

I have to do the majority of my shopping yet! Thank heavens for online shopping!! I must carry on though, but its definately a drag!!

gymboywalton Wed 12-Dec-12 17:05:07

thanks mummylin

i didn't go to work today and have spent entire day in bed asleep practically
phoned my mum for a chat at lunchtime and then went back to bed

so proud of my mum-she is going out with her friends today as she said she didn't want to sit at home thinking of it-this is a HUGE step for her.

my dad's passing was quite traumatic and my poor witnessed the whole thing so lots to go over and over...so glad she's not.

you must all keep going and try and make christmas fun because you know what your mum's would have wanted don't you? my dad LOVED christmas and the last activity i did with him, the day before he died was decorate his christmas tree! he would be furious if he thought we were not celebrating!

gymboywalton Wed 12-Dec-12 17:05:37

poor MUm that should say

I agree gym can picture mum giving me a rollicking for my lack of Christmas spirit but I'm doing better have been keeping busy with craft. Hope tonight is kind to you. Have a nice tea and relax

t875 Wed 12-Dec-12 17:22:48

yeah my mum would seriously kick me up the backside if we didnt celebrate christmas or have a good one!!

Gymboy - Thinking of you today, must be such a hard day. Glad your mum is going out, do something today that was special to you guys, light a candle he will be with you all im sure.

waiting - what craft do you do?? I make cards, and cross stitch, sew, make jewelry..nothing elabrorate but i make bracelets.

we watched mr poppers penguins, such a great film, very funny!! I know my mum loved penguins so i said quietly "come on mum, come and see us and watch it" smile

Nothin fancy am an amateur have made all the dc and nieces nephews stockings , and some tree decorations out of felt like robins , star's, trees. Have also put together some candy cane sleighs for gifts. I am awful at jewelry making so am in awe of anyone who.can do it

t875 Wed 12-Dec-12 19:50:58

i literally raid my eldests massive box of beads and use elastic, tie a knot at the end and then add the beads, i have all different colours and different types of beads very easy, im no pro either smile

Thinking of everyone. x

t875 Wed 12-Dec-12 19:55:14

I like the sound of the tree decs and the stockings, weve done the tree decs a few years back. Bet yours looked well cool. x

cappucinogirl4 Wed 12-Dec-12 19:59:26

My mum died 29 years ago.I was 12 and she was only 37.Bastard cervical cancer.
I wish I had her here.She would have loved my 2 dc's and would have been so helpful with parenting advice as she had 4 dc's.
Sometimes I feel it has ruined my life but other times I feel it has made me a stronger person.
Sometimes I feel a fraud because it happened so many years ago and I should be over it by now but although I've accepted it I have days of utter despair and grief.
RIP mum,I love you so much.

i dont think you ever truly get over it and its ok to feel sad for the things you missed out on with her. It will definatly have made you who you are today, but you shouldnt feel bad for still having moments of sadness.

The tree decs were good all on the kids trees in their rooms the robin is pretty cool ( in keeping with the theme of the thread i made that a few days ago)

ssd Wed 12-Dec-12 21:10:57

hi cappucinogirl, welcome to the thread xx

hi to everyone else too xx

well this morning after my post about the robins, I looked out the back window at the frost and thought where is the robin mum, I'd love to see one land on my fence...I stared and stared but none came...I was feeling really close to mum and dad, but no robin came, I didn't mind I just went to work. As I walked into the doorway at work a wee bird flew out the doorway, I watched it, it landed opposite the door on a ledge and turned to face me...it was a robin...I smiled and watched it then walked into work...it made my day

BUT, and here's the rub, 2 things happened at work...one of my colleagues was saying how her daughter was unwell and only wanted her, her mum...an older guy at work said "oh nothing makes up for your mum, when you are unwell that's all you want, nothing replaces your mum", well I managed to keep it together, no one else blinked an eye...........then just before leaving work the same colleague was telling me how she is going to the ballet with her mum and her daughter, now this had me in pieces, going to the ballet was something me and mum did until she became too frail for the steps, I have lots of memories of us going, I said to my colleague "oh I always did that with my mum", its something I missed when she became too old, and instead of my colleague shutting up she went on and on about going with her mum and her daughter, seeing the nutcracker, me and mums favourite, honestly my heart just fell onto the carpet..........I've not got a daughter to go with and no mum now, I felt my colleague was rubbing it in she's got both...so I just went home and wept, I had to take ds2 out somewhere and drop him off, then I drove to my mums village and just drove around, I needed to go there just to try to feel a closeness to her and my dad, I drove to her old house where I grew up and went up to the door to see it, and also to her flat she was in for the last 18 months, I went round a neighbours garden to see her windows, someone else has moved in, its in sheltered accommodation, she was happy there or at least as happy as she could be, all I could think was mum died in that room.......I just had to go out there, the village was where I grew up and visited every week for the last nearly 30 years, its as familiar as my right hand, I know it better than dh and the kids, but I cant go now, thers no one there now, but I know every bump in the road, every tree

am home now, dh shouting at the football on the tv, tutting at me if I speak and he cant hear it, moaning at everything, he can piss off too

ssd Wed 12-Dec-12 21:14:36

t875, my robins on the tree have wire on the feet too, maybe they are the same ones x

mine has wire feet to thats why it keeps dangling, oh ssd sounds like you needed to do it but what a draining night, have a hot bath , ignore dp and spend some you time. i know what you mean our childhood house is on the same street as my nan and grandads and the hearse went round the square on mums last journey it was so weird seeing someone else in our home even when mum or us hadnt lived there for 3 years. its nice to walk round there though, if difficult

knitknack Wed 12-Dec-12 21:43:54

Hey folks I hope you don't mind me joining you. I'm so sorry for your pain, I'm so sorry for you loss, I'm so sorry we're all in this together sad

Dad died suddenly 3 weeks ago and is now in the ground with mum who died in exactly the same way (suddenly, in bed, no warning) 15 years ago this Christmas. I too want my ma and pa, it seems ridiculous that they're not here!

I'm so tired at the moment! I'm a teacher and I know my lessons are rubbish at the moment. It was parents' eve tonight and I was so tired by 8pm I could have cried! Why am I so tired? Is anyone else tired?

I hope you're all OK, keep going, I know that it does get easier with time, but even though I know that it's hard to remember!

X

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now