Support thread for anyone grieving for a parent

(980 Posts)
mummylin Sat 08-Dec-12 19:28:41

I have done as maybe has suggested and started a new thread.My comp dosent cope well with long threads.

t875 Fri 22-Feb-13 07:06:28

Mummylin- I would do as you said and leave your friends mum for now as u are unsure. How horrible about your dh friend.
Meant to say hi to latrucha too. So very sorry to hear of your loss. We're here anytime you want a chat xx

t875 Fri 22-Feb-13 07:07:23

And your friend. Brains not kicked in yet sorry mummylin.

NormaStanleyFletcher Fri 22-Feb-13 09:33:14

Hello. May I join? My mum died on Monday night.

likesnowflakesinanocean Fri 22-Feb-13 10:22:15

sorry to see you joining us but your very welcome to pour it all out here. is hard days , thinking of u

t875 Fri 22-Feb-13 12:28:11

Mummylin or anyone who has gone through the first anniversary can you please make me feel better as I just feel like its all abruptly with my mum and my future memories are going to be gone. sad breaks me up..

Thank god its nearly the weekend!! Hubbie has been on a course all week in London.
He also told me this morning he had a dream about my mum, she looked younger, she was wearing her best red coat. She linked arms with him and then got in the car dropped her to somewhere where I was then we had a hug, he told me soo fleetingly this morning, half asleep at 6.30, actually made me a bit a emotional, im going to have to ask him again when he gets home for more details!!

NormaStanleyFletcher - So very sorry to hear about the loss of your mum, it is very horrendous time, please take minute by minute, hour by hour and day by day, do what you want and be around people that comfort you. If you feel maybe have a special area a box with a few special things of hers or light a candle Once again so very sorry, and really feeling for you. People did say this to me and i rubbished it but after 10 months it does get a little easier some days though it smacks you in the face and i miss her horrendously. I believe my mum is around me and I feel her some days and like to believe she is with her mum and dad up there and watching over us and guiding us, but this is what comforts me.
Thinking of you and sending you hugs x

snowflake - Hope today is going a little better for you today hun x

Hope everyone day goes not too bad today.
xx

likesnowflakesinanocean Fri 22-Feb-13 18:19:51

Hey all,

hey T hope your doing okay and asked dp about the dream. i havent been through the first anniversary and am not really looking forward to it i think it will be hard to think this time a year ago but the way i see it i could say that about every day, it wont be any harder or easier because of the day it is.
and as for your memories i do know what you mean, you are leaving them behind and making new ones but you will never forget your time with your mum sweet, if it helps why not write them all down in a lovely new notebook, might help you when your down to have something nice to read.

today was ok the dogs had to go to the vets so we were gone all afternoon. nothing like a 3 mile walk with a big burly dog to take your mind off things haha x

mummylin Fri 22-Feb-13 18:21:09

Oh fletch I am sorry you are here too ,but glad you have found us.Its a horrid road for you at the moment and all of us on here understand it all only too well.Its just heartbreaking and I know you did so much in trying to get better treatment for your dear mum.Also you have the added worry about your uncle.Please let us help you get through this if we can.I was going to suggest this tghread to you but thought I would leave it a few days.keeep your chin up,you will get through it all xx
t875 the first one is the worst and it was a day remembering the awful day from the year before.We went over to the crem and I think that is the day we made mums little garden.In a strange way we felt we were doing something that mum would be able to see and enjoy.I don't know if that's true or not,but that's how I felt.I would like to tell you that after that things got better,but for me that is not true.It still seems like its all happened in the last couple of weeks.Strangely I think my mind has blotted out a lot of things and in fact I am glad of this.But I get through each day.In fact today I have made an apt to have mum tattooed on my shoulder to match with my sisters on the other shoulder.I rang expecting to make an apt to have it done on mums birthday in april but she said " we can do it on tues " so I will now have it done.I said I would get it done but am such a coward I put it off ! but I will be happy to always carry her with me.I know its not for everyone ,but for me its important to have it.
You just have to get through the day the best that you can,try and make sure that you have company,that will help a lot.If there is none ,we will help you xx

vladthedisorganised Fri 22-Feb-13 20:44:42

Hugs to you, Norma. This has been great for me over the last few weeks; hope it helps you too and that you have plenty of RL support too x

NormaStanleyFletcher Fri 22-Feb-13 21:25:47

Thanks M., I am on the way back up to see my dad at the mo. He depended on my mum so much in the last few years. We are trying to support him through early days, but longer term he will have to stand on his own two feet

mummylin Fri 22-Feb-13 23:18:11

Its difficult isn't it fletch. But you also have your own family to care for and you cant do everything.yes support your dad but do it so that it helps him for when he is on his own.I would think he is devastated at the moment and like you in a strange kind of world at present.. It almost seems unreal dosent it. Life is a bitch sometimes.Thinking of you xx

mummylin Sat 23-Feb-13 11:37:24

Bitterly cold day here today,i am not looking forward to taking flowers for my mum tomorrow.It is such a big open area and the wind just howls around there.fletch hope you and your dad can give comfort to each other.I wish all of you a peaceful weekend and some happiness too xx

likesnowflakesinanocean Sat 23-Feb-13 16:32:42

been up planting daffodils and foxgloves today at mums grave with my sis, it was soooo cold. hope they grow alright though they looked a bit droopy but once its rained abit should be okay

t875 Sun 24-Feb-13 09:12:53

Thanks everyone I'm not too bad.
Bit more ropey at the moment and can't believe it over and over.
mummylin how nice u getting a tatoo gotta say I have never had one but I'm very tempted to get one for my mum. If u feel ok too show us your tatoo after you have had it done x
For her birthday we are going to get a proper star named for her in the sky. Then everyone can see her. She will shine up there like she did down here. smile
Thanks for your support mummylin, snowflakes/ all xx

mummylin snowflake I'm sure what you puttrowbridge will be lovely! Funny you saying about snow drops was thinking of getting them for outside smile I am going to make a start on the outside flower garden for her this year. The girls can add to it too.

Oh we took the kids to see wreck it Ralph was very good!!

Hope everyone is going along ok x

t875 Sun 24-Feb-13 09:15:33

I really don't know what happens. Predictive text!

Lol. Was meant to read
I'm sure what flowers you put down will be lovely.
Bet you thought I'd been on the wine last night. grin

likesnowflakesinanocean Sun 24-Feb-13 15:31:48

hey if wine gets you through then im quite willing to decifer your messages smile hope you are all doing okay today. i want to make a start on the memory garden but that involves buying 30-40 pound worth of compost to fill the planter which i just cant do at the minute so ive been buying little bits ready for it when i can. the planting was good, although i dont find much peace being at the cememtry it does make me come away slightly brighter when i know it is looked after and the flowers are fresh. how are we all?

we went to see wreck it ralph on wednesday, was fab even i enjoyed it, one for the collection when it comes out i think.

mummylin Sun 24-Feb-13 20:02:16

Yes t875 I will put photo of it on.I already have a pic on my profile of the one I had done for my sister,but I am such a coward.Took me ten years until I finally got that one done !! and that was only because my sis in law had a friend who had a tattoo shop.She phoned him without me knowing ,then told me I had an apt the next day !! But I will be glad when I have it,shouldnt take too long [ I hope ] but they have to match the writing ,I cant have different script. hope you have all enjoyed your day today.been to crem to leave fresh flowers for my sis and mum.I am always happy to see them when I have refreshed them.was very very cold there today though so literally did the flowers,said hello and left.My fingers were so cold they hurt.

mummylin Sun 24-Feb-13 20:03:31

t875 I love the idea of the star for your mum,that is a lovely thing to do.Then she will always be shining down on you.x

BoomBoomBoom Sun 24-Feb-13 20:29:57

Hi can I join? My mum died nearly 9years ago aged 43. I was 16.

I can't believe it's 9 years. It still feels like yesterday that she told me she had 6 months left to live. She never even got that as the Cancer spread to quickly.

I'll never forget the day sde started morphine a week later and kept telling me she will take me on a cruise, the day she was admitted to hospital 4weeks later little did I know she wont be coming home even though she was looking better, the pain was under control and she was going to start chemo so why did she die then? Why did I go out the night vefore when she asked me to go and see her? Why were my friends more important? Why did she get cancer? Why couldnt she fight it? She used to make everythinc OK (she would have been able to help me through my illness) now I have no-one in my family as they never wanted me after my mum died becasuse I am a girl.
Why isnt my mum here to see my girls? I miss her cuddles, her kisses, her shouting at me, I miss everything.

I want my mum back. I cant even go to her grave.

I really really miss her and love her. I need her.

plum100 Sun 24-Feb-13 20:38:33

HI Boom,

I dont usually post but felt I had to after reading yours. So musch of what you say is how I feel - my mum died 3 years ago - she was poorly but didnt suffer - she died in her sleep. But there will always be so many unasnwered questions - there will always be guilt and always the pain and the feeling of need. I am 36 - the older I get the more I feel I need her. Do you have any relatives of hers close by - I love talking to my mums neices - makes me feel better.

mummylin Sun 24-Feb-13 21:02:34

BoomBoomBoom I am sure that most of us will have some things we wish we had done in hindsight,but none of us knew what was around the corner.All that you were doing at that time seems perfectly normal.If you had known what was about to happen I am sure you would of been with your mum,but you didn't, so you have nothing to feel regretful about.I was actually at a football match when my mum died and the previous evening I had told her that I wouldn't be there in the morning because of football.She died and none of us were there.But we were just carrying on normally,My case is different from yours as mum had not been ill,no terminal illness or anything like that and it was a huge shock when she suddenly died.The thing is your mum was happy making plans for the future with you,she obviously cared a great deal for you.Im sure she would not want you to be feeling guilt after all this time.You did not know it was going to happen !! Why do you say your family don't want you because your a girl ?? Continue to post here when you want a shoulder,someone will always answer you.x
plum100 The feeling of loss I think will always stay with us all,we all get the urge to phone our mums,or have a cup of tea with her again.Its almost unbelievable isn't it to think they are gone forever.

ILovePonyo Sun 24-Feb-13 21:54:14

Hi all,

I'm just marking my place because I have been reading but not posting, didn't want this to disappear from my threads I'm on.

My grandma (mum's mum) died earlier this week so things are very sad and difficult at the moment.

Just wanted to say to all that again, I'm sorry for all of our losses, and boom I'm so sorry too. Hindsight is a wonderful/terrible thing isn't it?

Love to all, I will be back soon but will continue to read even if I can't post at the moment.

mummylin Sun 24-Feb-13 22:24:59

ILovePonyo do come back whenever you can.So sorry for your loss.Its a horrid time isn't it.plunges everyone concerned into a different world for a time

mummylin Sun 24-Feb-13 22:26:46

fletch I am thinking of you at this difficult time xx

NormaStanleyFletcher Mon 25-Feb-13 05:30:15

Thanks m. Funeral is arranged for Tuesday 5th. Just trying to write what I will say. I am going to work today in London. The first day in the office since mum died. Hope I can keep it together.

abbyfromoz Mon 25-Feb-13 06:43:14

Can i join in? My pa died 2 weeks ago. He was 89 so i guess that means he had a good run... I flew back to Australia with DD when i heard his kidneys had failed. Made it just in time to tell him i love him. He died just a few hours after our flight landed...He was like a father to me. My nan and pa looked after me after mum left dad and since she suffers a mental illness they were always the one constant reliable thing in my life. I haven't really cried much. Just once and now i feel like the emotions are over there while i am back in London. I have some of his ashes by a photo of me as a little girl playing with his hair... The poor man has ribbons and about 6 ponytails in his white hair. Lol! so patient an gentle. We used to call him snow white. He would say 'hello Ab darling, how was school? I wish you would ride your bike more!' He had such a zest for life... This invincible pa of mine. I just can't believe he wont be here any more. Can you believe just 2 years ago he flew to my wedding in Thailand to give me away on my wedding day? I nearly ruined my makeup when i saw him there leaning on his walking stick. My big strong pa, who would give me 'turtle back rides' at the beach. Haha! I would cling on his neck for dear life as he ducked under the water- but never doubting him to keep me safe. I miss you pa. a lifetime is never enough xxx

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