Support thread for anyone grieving for a parent

(980 Posts)
mummylin Sat 08-Dec-12 19:28:41

I have done as maybe has suggested and started a new thread.My comp dosent cope well with long threads.

mummylin Thu 14-Feb-13 14:04:02

snowflakes you are doing the right thing by not going to the inquest,especially as you know the results already.You don't need to put yourself through even more anguish.
ssd I think the same as you regarding the flowers.
8beach* I hope your company will let you go back to work part time.maybe 8in time you could go back to full time if and when it suited your circumstances
t875 im sure we all have bits of our mums in us.how many times have you said to your children things tyour mum said to you ! I am guilty of that and now my dd is also doing it to her dd.
vlad sorry you are here but hope you will get some comfort from being here with us.

I had my friend around this morning whose mums funeral was on Monday also.I was so glad to see him.We had a big hug and he talked a lot about his mum and showed me a picture of her that he took the day before she died.It sounds stupid but she actually looked so well.One good thing is that his siblings have said they are going to sign his mums house over to him as he is the only one who dosent have his own home,and they all do.thats a lovely thing to do I think.I am ok but felt upset when friend was going over it all, i could not help remembering back to the day my mum left us.

likesnowflakesinanocean Thu 14-Feb-13 14:09:50

am glad you have said that, i feel like a total shit for not going but its on wednesday which is half term and i wouldnt want to leave ds with my dad. it just seems so wrong that people will be talking about her like she never mattered sad she did. and she does. so so much

mummylin Thu 14-Feb-13 14:32:48

You being there is not going to change anything and would probably make you even more upset to listen to it all.Stay at home with your ds in the comfort of your own home.xx

likesnowflakesinanocean Thu 14-Feb-13 14:37:11

having a shit time recently, lots of trouble where i live (whole other thread) and i just miss her so bloody much it hurts, cant face listening to all the ins and out again

mummylin Thu 14-Feb-13 14:42:25

Its the pits isn't it.You try your best to get some sense of normality back in to your life ,but without your mum it all seems so pointless.Then something else crops up and you go back to square one all over again.There are other things happening in our family too although my immediate family not involved, but somehow I seem to be the sounding board so get drawn in.Dont worry snowflakes we can get through it in time xx

mummylin Thu 14-Feb-13 14:44:08

just a funny little thing that may give everyone a little chuckle.My dd.s dog is having a phantom pregnancy and has taken to carrying around a squeaky plastic hamburger as its puppy !!! last time it was a pink plastic ball.

likesnowflakesinanocean Fri 15-Feb-13 12:43:02

hehe that's funny, v cute too. just been to town all the Valentine's day stuff replaced by mothers day sad hate it.

t875 Fri 15-Feb-13 17:10:25

Oh I know what you mean about mothers day stuff I just about sorted v day as I couldn't see the mothers day cards atall! sad
snowflake with mummylin on the verdict, so sorry you ate going through all this. Sending you love and thinking of you x
mummylin that is so funny about the dog bless :-)

Well out with the school mums tonight so looking forward to it.
Not been too bad last few days but I've had to bring in thinking of other things. I was getting so down it wasn't working for me. I could feel my mum kicking me up the arse too! Saying come on t you can do it.

Hope everyone's days haven't been too bad xx

mummylin Fri 15-Feb-13 18:36:17

I will still buy my mum a mothers day card and take it to the cemetery along with some flowers.When is it ?? my friend whose mum died has now lost his uncle ,only ten days between them.His mum and uncle were brother and sister.have a great evening out T875 It will be good to have an evening out.I cant believe its a whole week since we went to the cook your own meat place.that was good fun and something different.

likesnowflakesinanocean Fri 15-Feb-13 21:55:32

I think its sometime around the second week of march.
we cant leave cards at the cemetry as its supposed to be a woodland area so only planted woodland flowers or laid flowers. i will buy some flowers to take up.

mummylin Fri 15-Feb-13 22:21:09

maybe you can put one up at home by a photo of her or something.Our cemetery is very good and allow lots of things ,especially on the childrens graves.There are lots of teddies,windmills etc.

mummylin Sat 16-Feb-13 11:28:15

My dh has found a wonderful place to get the memorial cards,but they are so sad to read and for the first time in ages it was just too much and I sat and sobbed.They must be very sensitive people who compose the verses on them.I will look again next week when I hope I feel more together than I do right at this moment.I think that part of it is also my friend coming round and he was so sad as its not even two weeks since his mum died,as he was talking about it ,so my mind was going back to the beginning all over again.

likesnowflakesinanocean Sun 17-Feb-13 08:27:59

This week is half term and with the inquest being read wednesday i am trying to keep us as busy as possible and not thinking about it. am determined to give them a good half term despite the way im feeling. If it is warm we will also make a start on our memory planter, as at the minut its empty. I have recycled the top of a built up greenhouse so i have a little archway to grow flowers up and round for the planter.

mummylin Sun 17-Feb-13 16:11:32

Snowflakes your idea for the planter sounds lovely,If this nice weather keeps up all the flowers etc will come on a treat.Will be thinking of you on Wednesday.

mummylin Sun 17-Feb-13 16:14:13

We heard last night of the death of a friend,at the moment we don't know if info is correct.but we heard he choked on his own vomit.his mum wrote me such a lovely letter when my mum died [ they used to work together] will wait to have this confirmed and I will do the same for her.We are friends with his brother as well,such heartache all round.

likesnowflakesinanocean Sun 17-Feb-13 16:21:40

that's v sad sad its bizarre to think what people go through yet they carry on everyday. never thought about it till I was doing it myself. might take ds to cinema or somewhere Wednesday keep us busy.

mummylin Sun 17-Feb-13 16:25:13

Yes its a good idea to make sure you are occupied rather than sitting at home thinking about it all.lets hope its a lovely sunny day which will help to relax you a bit.Do you know what time of the da it will be ?

likesnowflakesinanocean Sun 17-Feb-13 16:27:14

yes its over lunchtime, have had a horrible week just can't shake how miserable I feel hope you are doin okay

mummylin Sun 17-Feb-13 16:40:50

Well its not unexpected that you feel awful really,you have this ordeal hanging over you but its only a couple more days and it will be over.make sure you are out to lunch somewhere ,maybe with a friend who can help you through the day.

likesnowflakesinanocean Sun 17-Feb-13 16:49:58

I should be so lucky, unfortunately my friends ignoring me since Mums death has carried on for 3 months now, ill be spending the day with ds who's on half term and my sis probably

mummylin Sun 17-Feb-13 22:05:38

they are not real friends if they cant support you through this difficult time.How awful of them.karma is a great thing !x

likesnowflakesinanocean Mon 18-Feb-13 08:50:50

wish I believed in karma but see to much bad happening to good people, nee mind onwards and upwards least I know who to trust. how are we all smile

mummylin Mon 18-Feb-13 12:26:48

I really believe that all the bad people will somehow get paid back.Its a lovely sunny day here today and im going to enjoy hanging my washing outside [ what a thing to be excited about !] Got some windows open and seems like a spring day today.But it could be deceiving looks warm but isn't ! Apparently another friend has now been told about our friend dying ,but nothing in local paper.Will wait until I see official notice then drop a letter and card to his poor mum.

vladthedisorganised Mon 18-Feb-13 13:31:41

I'm constantly surprised at people's reactions. A university friend I hadn't heard from for years (he lives in the US) sent a note that was exactly right and made me cry in a happy sort of way.. OTOH I have friends I see a lot that have barely acknowledged Mum's death, even though they knew her well.

I guess I know inside that when people haven't been exposed to death they can be frightened of it, or scared of saying the wrong thing, so just hope it will go away and might be giving me the body swerve so they don't have to discuss it. I did get very angry at my colleagues though: not a single acknowledgement, no 'how are you feeling', no card, nothing at all except a 'well, we understand why you're missing a week and that's terrible news, very sad, but from our perspective it will put our plan out by a week...'

People are very weird, aren't they?

ssd Mon 18-Feb-13 16:43:05

yes people are wierd

in my case its family who've let me down, not friends

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