I'm so sorry. My niece died in 2009 - we're all still struggling - how the hell does anyone deal with a child dying - I don't know darling - I just hope that one day I'll think of her and smile at her memory instead of bursting in to tears. What help have you had? Do you think bereavement counselling might help you cope?
It's a shame that your family is not being more supportive of you and that you did not find bereavement counselling helped you. Yes, families are minefields but in the time that has passed , has no one changed their attitude towards you ? What about your DH - what help is he giving you?
If you found the counselling did not help ( it might have brought up other issues ) have you contacted BACP to find a counsellor who you would get on with and who you feel happy to continue with as long as it takes ?
You will one day but in your own time. When my mum died it took me a good while to accept it but of course, we all expect our parents to die one day before us. No one expects to lose a child so it is going to take you time darling.
My dear friend is sadly going through the same (though her DS died this year). I think she has found good support from Sands - have you spoken to them? They have a helpline you can call anytime, I understand.
I hope you can find some peace soon an again, I am so so sorry.