Misty breeze wraps about my shoulders, thinly clad. I shiver not, despite the coolness on my skin. Comfort, I now feel. Is it you my precious Angel?

(971 Posts)
chipmonkey Tue 13-Nov-12 20:36:33

Starting a new thread for our angel babies
Sylvie-Rose 16/8/11 to 4/10/11 too short my love, too short.

SaintVera Tue 29-Jan-13 09:38:33

cafe thanks, and Mia, I really am listening to your words. I know what you mean about re-thinking beliefs and processing and reprocessing. Sometimes it just seems to come to a dead end of horror in my head.

cafe your family have got it wrong. You have gone from one high-powered, high-status, academically rigorous profession to another. Even if you can't change their opinions, I hope you can stop them messing with your head because you are doing a really inspiring thing, training in medicine. Good luck with the sleep and dreams xx

NorthernLurker Wed 30-Jan-13 19:22:10

Ladies, I've seen some of you on the stupid, hurtful facebook thread tonight. Just wanted to say I'm sorry you've had to read that crap. You honour you children's memories with every word you write about them and there are lots and lost of mumsnetters like me who appreciate you sharing them with us.

SaintVera Wed 30-Jan-13 22:37:06

Thank you for your thoughts Northern. It is the first time I have looked at AIBU since DS died. It reminded me there is another world out there x

shabbatheGreek Thu 31-Jan-13 08:44:48

Morning girls xx

Thanks for thinking about us all Northern. I think there are some people who will 'never get it' and don't want to 'get it.' The OP on 'that thread' is one of them x

SaintVera Thu 31-Jan-13 18:33:25

Afternoon shabba and everyone. It might sound trivial but had a wisdom tooth out today and the dentist was lovely. I felt cared for which felt very important.

I had to take it easy, which meant I settled in front of the TV and watched Rick Stein touring around Spain exploring the regional cuisine. I felt interested. Interested in travel, food, new experiences, different cultures. Very different from the past few weeks of deep depression and hopelessness. Tiny comforts.

Rapid mood cycles are disturbing and hopeful all at once.

chipmonkey Thu 31-Jan-13 20:36:31

Northern I just wanted to say, you rock! It is wonderful to know that there are some people who have the compassion and empathy to put themselves in our shoes, even though you don't have to walk our path and we pray you never do.

Saint, you will have good days and you will have interest in other things. I found myself looking up camping gear and frontier stoves the other day. Stuff I used to look up before she died. Life will go on, I promise.

expatinscotland Thu 31-Jan-13 20:40:05

am around, too! Just keeping a low profile as having a rough time, too.

SaintVera Fri 01-Feb-13 08:35:49

Thanks chip.
I hope for better days expat and everyone suffering badly at the moment xx

ssd Fri 01-Feb-13 10:00:06

I second what Northern said, totally x

chipmonkey Fri 01-Feb-13 10:58:34

Thanks, ssd, how are you doing?

ssd Fri 01-Feb-13 11:33:25

hi chip, am a bit up and down, bit sad, bit low.... but can't complain , I lost my mum and that's how things should go, I'm so sorry for the losses on this thread when it works the other way round...the way it should never go.

I'm really sorry, hugs and thoughts to you all xxx

KateRaeganandMichael Fri 01-Feb-13 14:52:51

Hi all, sorry I havnt been on in a while again and sorry to butt into conversations smile - I have been having a tough time of late as I have been having really really vivid dreams about the twins again - almost as if I could touch/smell them dreams - and i have been crying as I wake up too - (the last time i had anything similar to this was in the S.a.n.ds room) its really the oddest feeling.

so sad to see new names x

KateRaeganandMichael Fri 01-Feb-13 14:53:26

dont know why the smiley face came up - sorry

Charleymouse Fri 01-Feb-13 16:17:12

Sorry to hear you are suffering with the dreams KateRaeganandMichael it is so hard and sometimes it is so vivid. I have had them where I do not realise until after I have woken up what has actuallyhappened.

I hope this gets better for you. I used to have horrific nightmares after I watched my dad die but over time it has got better. They are not so vivid and when I relive that time it is softer focus and not as traumatic.

I know I know time and all that; but it really does help. It is still such early days for you and I don't mean to be condescending in that; just that you have to be gentle with yourself and not expect to much and this journey really is two steps forward and one step back. Sending you unmumsnetty hugs. xxx

Charleymouse Fri 01-Feb-13 16:18:32

Hi everyone

Cheers Northern, thank-you for your support.

Waves helloo!

xxx

shabbatheGreek Fri 01-Feb-13 16:31:14

Hiya Charley xxxx

Charleymouse Fri 01-Feb-13 16:38:00

Hiya Shabs xxxx

KateRaeganandMichael Fri 01-Feb-13 18:30:09

thank you charleymouse.... somedays now as bad as this sounds I forget completely and then I go into my daughters room and see the urn and it all comes flooding back - I just wish that I could have them again - so much so - and this probably sounds worse - that I am trying (and failing) to get pregnant again - my dh is aware and so is going through the motions with me but I can feel that I am hurting him as well as myself - My daughter is 3 now and is constantly asking where her brothers are too which adds to everything... as the song goes I just dont know what to do with myself (lol)......

MiaAlexandrasmummy Fri 01-Feb-13 21:16:41

Hello all, and many thanks for your understanding and empathy, northern and ssd.

kate I hope you have some peaceful dreams soon. They can be very stressful. After months of no dreams about Mia, I also had a horrible dream last night. We were playing around in some long grass together, and I lost her... very disturbing.

saintvera it is weird how small kindnesses mean so much, isn't it? Yet it does make such a difference. And I am glad for you.

SaintVera Sat 02-Feb-13 03:15:10

kate, how strange, I was getting ready for a party tonight (hence ridiculous time of posting), and I was singing 'I just don't know what to do with myself'. Because I really just don't know..

shabbatheGreek Sun 03-Feb-13 08:45:40

Morning girls xx

KateRaeganandMichael Sun 03-Feb-13 10:35:28

Mia I really hope these dreams go away soon too - and for you and everyone else out there suffering - they seem so real that they are the worst part of the grieving process for me x
Saint how odd lol i've been feeling like that for a while now and the song is just so appropriate

cafecito Sun 03-Feb-13 16:32:43

hello all

I've finally lost it

I cannot sleep at all...the last time I slept I had the most dreadful nightmares, so feeling huge empathy to you all who suffer, kate, charley, everyone - it's shit isn't it.

I am now hyper hyper hyper and literally cannot sleep. Ihaven't felt this unhinged since after it first happened, a good 4 years ago sad I think it's the stress of many exams on top

bumped into someone today in the hospital I'm based at who knew of DD as she works at DDs treating hospital during the week - was really bizarre to see her of a sunday morning we had a long chat, it was nice, to know DD is spoken of, and that someone has named their baby after her sad but talking about those people and those places, made me really miss it, and in turn miss DD and then fall into my pit of disbelief again,

back now closing it off from my brain as I crack on with some work. I hope I will just get really really tired after a few days of no sleep, so that I will just collapse into bed if I go home, and sleep deeply to avoid nightmares! I'm usually quite sane, honest hmm

thinking of everyone

cafecito Sun 03-Feb-13 16:34:01

kate, after I lost DD I would wake up every day thinking she was alive and lying next to me - then every single morning I would have torealise she had died, all over again- seemed to go on for ages

SaintVera Sun 03-Feb-13 18:29:02

oh cafe, I really hope you can get some rest. Sleep deprivation is torment xxx

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