'What the caterpillar perceives is the end, to the butterfly is just the beginning.' Our journey after Beatrice

(801 Posts)

Beatrice died on 24th October aged 1 year, 1 month, 1 week and 1 day. She was buried on 2nd November. As she starts her new life as a butterfly, we are left on the ground feeling bewildered and bereft. I read a short piece at her funeral, and I stand by it:

'I often felt that being Beatrice's mum was much like holding a butterfly. I was in awe of her beauty and felt so privileged that she had chosen to come to me. But, much like a butterfly, I knew that one day she would spread her wings and fly away.

When Beatrice was one day old, a kind stranger shared this poem with me, and it sums up how I feel about Beatrice:

"A butterfly lights besides us like a sunbeam. And for a brief moment its glory and beauty belongs to the world.
But then it flies once again, and though we wish it could have stayed, we feel so lucky to have seen it."

I feel so lucky to have been chosen as Beatrice's mum and I truly believe that the immense grief we must now suffer is still a small price to play for the love she brought into our lives.

Goodnight Beatrice'

I still feel her love in my heart, but I am struggling without her in my arms. I miss caring for her and kissing her. Looking at her and stroking her hair. Singing to her, always singing so many songs. I haven't sung a song since she died, but I don't want the music to leave my life as it means I have let the grief win.

Fly high little butterfly, but please don't forget all of us left behind who hold you, still so fragile, in our hearts and memories. Please don't forget me, Beatrice x

Lilithmoon Mon 30-Jun-14 22:58:36

Lovely news. <3

cupoftea, I know your pregnancy is now 'old' news, but I have only just come across it and want to wish you all the best.
Beatrice is often on my mind, believe it or not, and your fierce love for her continues to shine from everything you write. That love will glow for the new baby as well thanks

Dearest Beatrice,
You are a big sister now. Your brother Albert was born on Monday, and came loudly into the world, very much unlike you. But in other ways he is like you- he has your beautiful dark eyes. I think of you all the time, especially at the moment.
Daddy left us a few months ago now, and I know that I've been strong and got through it because I've had your love in my life. When I bring you to mind, I'm boosted. I know I'm strong because you showed me how.
Even though I'm very scared something bad will happen to Albert, I am trying to be positive, because he deserves a happy life filled with love, too.
Can you believe, he ended up on SCBU and guess who his consultant was- Dr Death! I was very polite and precise, we didn't chat for long, as I'm sure you can imagine... wink
When we get out of hospital, I shall bring Albert to your garden so you can meet him properly, but I know you've been keeping an eye on him for some time already now, thank you for that.
I love you so much, and I wish I could give you the biggest hug to remind you xxx

Horsemad Wed 09-Jul-14 17:21:23

That is so lovely, congratulations. X

Stuffofawesome Wed 09-Jul-14 17:27:11

Big mobs of congratulations to all of you.

A little bird had told me of your lovely news, cupoftea smile

I am so, so pleased for you and your family.
'Albert' - I am melting <sniff>

I hope he can go a little ways to fill the Bea shaped hole in all your lives.
Bea will be so proud to be a big sister - and her big sisters too, I am sure.
thanks

minmooch Wed 09-Jul-14 20:09:42

Wonderful news! Congratulations Cup and welcome to the Teaset Albert xxx

eightytwenty Wed 09-Jul-14 21:22:17

Congratulations cup - what a lovely name. Welcome to the world Albert. I bet the big girls are so happy to have a new addition to the family, I remember how good they were with Bea.

I am sorry that you have separated from your dh. You went through such a lot together, I can only imagine some of the stress you must have faced.

Lilithmoon Wed 09-Jul-14 21:22:52

Congratulations xxxxx

millymae Thu 10-Jul-14 09:49:50

What a bittersweet post Cup. Huge congratulations. With eyes like Beatrices Albert will melt everyone's hearts and with you as his mum I just know that he'll have a life filled with love. The last 2 years or so must have been incredibly difficult for you and the tea set and I so wish things could have been different for your gorgeous youngest daughter.

Rowgtfc72 Thu 10-Jul-14 13:02:12

Congratulations cup, he'll go far with big eyes like his big sister. Thinking of you, the girls and little Albert.

EmmaGellerGreen Thu 10-Jul-14 19:03:27

Congratulations and welcome Albert!

MetallicHighlights Thu 10-Jul-14 21:19:23

Welcome Albert, and congratulations to his three big sisters. Much love to you all. X

Trumpton Sat 12-Jul-14 03:29:14

Oh lovely news . Welcome Albert. Welcome to the tea set. Congratulations to you all.
Beautiful Bea is often in my thoughts, a lovely little girl who bought so much joy .

HappySmileyFace Sat 12-Jul-14 04:50:44

Congratulations cup. Welcome to the world little Albert!

ExitPursuedByAKoalaBear Sat 12-Jul-14 04:56:06

Oh gosh what wonderful news! I hadn't heard that you were pregnant.

Much love cup.

(And sorry to hear you have separated from DH)

Asheth Mon 14-Jul-14 13:03:40

Congratulations Cup on your beautiful baby boy! What wonderful news! I can imagine as he grows up that he'll love hearing all about his big sister, Beatrice.

Lovely to think of Bea watching over her little brother and helping to make sure his life is as filled with love and happiness as hers was.

Antiopa12 Wed 16-Jul-14 05:44:33

Congratulations on the birth of baby Albert. Wonderful news.

(I am sorry to hear you have separated from your husband. The splitting up rate when there is a child with a severe disability or when a child dies is high when I look around at the families I know including my own. Men seem to cope very differently from women. You are a strong woman cup, you will go forward.)

saffronwblue Thu 17-Jul-14 02:51:02

Congratulations Cup and welcome Albert to the teaset. Gorgeous name. What a lucky boy to have his sister's beautiful dark eyes.

Cup I am sorry you have separated. I hope you are feeling joy with your new baby and I also hope that you feel your precious Bea close to you.

fhdl34 Thu 17-Jul-14 06:41:27

Welcome to the world Albert (fab name!), Bea's eyes were so beautiful and it's lovely that he shares them.

Sorry to hear about separation also Cup, what a tough time you have all been through xx

Itsfab Wed 23-Jul-14 21:54:21

<cries>

What wonderful news.

Welcome Albert. Gorgeous, gorgeous name.

Cup, I have been in awe of you since I first read your story and thought of Beatrice the other day when I saw neck scarf bibs (no idea of their real name blush in Sainsbury's.

I am sorry to hear you have separated but are in no doubt you will be fine with your children. You are incredible.

Congratulations on Baby Albert flowers and cake.

ElephantsNeverForgive Wed 23-Jul-14 22:20:04

I saw this today and thought of Bea and wondered how you all are, so it's lovely to hear your wonderful news!

Congratulations,CupofTea, welcome Albert and best wishes to your sisters (and if I may your 'D'H) may you all find happiness in the future where ever it takes you.

Sidge Wed 23-Jul-14 22:38:50

How did I miss this?!

Many congratulations on the arrival of Albert, a baby brother for three beautiful girls.

I'm sorry to hear you are separated. That is sad news.

Wishing you peace and strength xxx

pannetone Mon 04-Aug-14 11:14:46

So pleased to hear of the safe arrival of Albert and that Beatrice is now a big sister. (And he has the letters 'b e a' in his name which is lovely.)

So sad to hear that you have separated from your husband.

Saying a prayer for all the teaset and remembering that a life filled with love is a life worth living. xx

autumnsmum Mon 04-Aug-14 11:47:35

Congratulations

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