Mum died...thrown out of house day of her funeral..don't even know where she is buried

(35 Posts)
Startliteangel Mon 22-Oct-12 10:34:00

Hi sorry for the long subject title ...long story (sorry)
Mum died 3 months ago...both parents in their 80s I done everything for them from cutting toe nails to washing their hair....
Not close to rest of my family ...they treated me like doormat ...on day of funeral my sister attacked me ..
And my dad ordered me to leave the house ..
I never went to her funeral ..I haven't seen her grave ...I only know what cemetery she is buried in...but I don't know where...
It is a shocking story ...its a conversation stopper..I've become addicted to sleeping tablets ...and have had to receive counselling ..which has helped....
I know I need to find closure and visit her grave ....but I can't ..I vowed never to return to my home town..and that's where she is buried ..
I have had no contact with any of my family ...and never will again...even if my dad died ..i wouldn't be interested ...
I can't grieve for her properly ...I'm so angry with them ...I wish them only ill will and unhappiness for the rest of their lives ...
Friends and husband ..daughter have been very supportive ..
But I can't forgive or forget ..

Startliteangel Mon 22-Oct-12 14:23:59

No ..I haven't seen that thread

amillionyears Mon 22-Oct-12 14:27:34

re your sister. Ah, I see.
What did you say to her before that night you called her to chat?

And when you spoke to your bro about the card,what did you and him say then if you can remember? I always do bear in mind with some men though,they are a bit notorious about this sort of thing. My DH,even now,loads of years of marriage,cannot remember dates of anything,even dates of his childrens birth,let alone buy a card. I have to remind him every year that my birthday is coming up

Startliteangel Mon 22-Oct-12 14:37:15

I had taken her kids on holiday with me ...the last conversation I had with her was how much they enjoyed themselves ...and my brother lived at home ...men do forget birthdays etc ...but my mum wouldn't ...she used to buy cards for all the kids for Xmas birthday Easter ....he put my daughters in the bin ...but send the others their cards ...I never mentioned the card situation till after my mum died ..when I told them what I thought of them...by all means fall out with me and my husband ...but not a child ...it happened for every birthday Xmas etc for the past 5 years ..so wasn't just a once off ...ps my mum told me what become of the cards she bought him to send ..he's just a very bitter person ...he even expected my mum to do his washing and ironing for him when she had a broken hip ..till I told him otherwise ...

Startliteangel Mon 22-Oct-12 14:42:34

My sister was always very dry on the fone and with sending texts ....it was always me who texted her or foned her ...never the other way about ...she was the same with my parents ...called once In a blue moon...she used to always tell them she's busy with the kids and work ...I work ..I have a family ..but I always found time...

amillionyears Mon 22-Oct-12 14:47:55

They appear to have both cut you off,and do not want to get in contact again for the forseeable. That is a shame. And you were generous taking her kids on holiday with you.

In which case, I think that with your bro,sister and dad,we are back to the posts up to and including 13.38pm.

And i would recommend you look up on search the stately homes threads. I think they may be currently on thread 5.

amillionyears Mon 22-Oct-12 14:49:43

Some people do not behave nicely,and we cannot force them to I'm afraid.
It then comes down to looking after ourselves.

Startliteangel Mon 22-Oct-12 14:55:37

Thanks for the advice ...million ...every family has a black sheep ...guess I'm it ...I will search for that thread about the dysfunctional families ...

amillionyears Mon 22-Oct-12 15:05:08

You are not the black sheep. Their behaviour makes them the black sheep!

JuliaScurr Mon 22-Oct-12 15:20:43

thanks brew

is there anyone you really trust who can go with you? if not, take your phone and take us so you can express your feelings and get support
you might find it helps to have a tree/plaque/bench somewhere special to visit instead of the grave

Startliteangel Mon 22-Oct-12 15:26:26

Hi Julia ...someone suggested I plant a tree in the garden to remember her ..which I'm going too do this week end ...I have a very close friend who has been a great support to be ..she actually wanted to go to funeral with me ..but I said no ..I was embarrassed at how my family treat me ..I'm glad she didn't come tbh she has fiery red hair and a fiery personality to match ...and I think she would have killed my sister ..

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