mc baby should have been due

[benjaminsmum]

I had an mc in July at six weeks and my baby should have been due in two weeks time. My friend who I see every week had a new baby last week and I saw him yesterday for the first time. I feel very depressed and upset that it isn't me. I am now fourteen weeks pregnant but everyone included my dh seems to think that being pg means I should no longer miss the other baby but I do and feel cheated out of six months of having a second baby. At the same time I feel guilty towards this baby because if that one had survived then this one wouldn't exist.

Also due to hear heartbeat for first time on the day this baby would have been due. I had a terrible dream last night that this baby was dead as well.

Anyway thanks for listening just wanted to talk to someone who wont tell me what I feel is wrong.

[kreamkrackers]

benjaminsmum - mc are very hard to deal with. it's very hard to think my baby is due now. i had the same feelings as i'm sure everybody else does at their baby's due date, i was also very upset at my birthday then at christmas thinking i should have my baby now, i should be a mother of two. i think people need to be more sensitive as it is something you will never forget but if people haven't expeienced a mc themselves i sometimes think it is hard for them to understand. i think your dh is trying to deal with what's happened as best as he can by trying to take your mind off your baby's due date and to look at the future, sometimes men really don't understand. try not to worry about this pregnancy, enjoy it to it's full i'm sure everything will be fine this time for you.

[HumphreysCorner]

Thinking of you hun-I too had a MC in June at 12 weeks and had a 12 week scan for this baby (now 24 weeks) on the day my baby was due-how ironic is that? All is well and I'm sure all will be well for you. It is hard as 2 of my friends who were PG at the same time had perfect babies just before I fell PG again and although I was delighted for them it was still heart wrenching. My DH seemed to 'forget' about the MC far too soon and family said it was just one of those things-it was still my baby FGS!

Take care

(((xxx)))

[ghosty]

benjaminsmum .... you have my sympathies ... {{{}}}
I found out I was pregnant with DD on the day I was due to have had the baby I lost (at 12 weeks) which was really ironic ... AND on that same day a good friend of mine HAD her baby 2 weeks early .... it was a bizarre day for me I can tell you. I had the sadness of thinking of my lost baby, the joy of being pregnant again and the bitter sweet feelings of my friend giving birth to a healthy baby girl ....
I made myself really busy that day. I did a bizarre thing that actually turned out to be very therapeutic in that I offered to look after my friend's DS when she was in hospital having her baby by caesarian ... My DS and I spent all day playing with her DS, while being on the phone to her DH for updates ... it was surreal but I felt I was doing something positive for me and very positive and helpful for my dear friend (who has no family around to help out)

Anyway ... I didn't turn out to be one of those people that had a problem with other people's pregnancies or babies BUT that is just me ... I could just have easily felt very odd about my friend's baby ... as it is I made it a mission to be a good surrogate auntie to my friend's little girl and every time I see her I think of my lost baby and what might have been ... not in a weird freaky way, I just have a soft spot for my friend's little girl ... like she is a member of my family or something. God that makes me seem like a nutter doesn't it ... I am not, I assure you.

Being pregnant with DD didn't make me forget my m/c although I seriously think my DH thinks I did. I still think about it now and again and I always remember the anniversary of the m/c (3 years ago now) although DH never ever mentions it.
DD wasn't a replacement for that baby ... she is a different baby (well, she is 2 now) ... but I do feel that had I had that baby I wouldn't have had DD and I now can't imagine a world without her in it so I believe that the m/c made way for DD to come instead ...
Bloody hell ... more mad thoughts .... sorry ...

I always used to have awful dreams when I was pg with DD ... all down to fear of losing her I suppose ... but it won't be long before your bump is showing and you will be feeling it move and then you will know this baby is well and truly with you ...

Hope some of my ramblings can bring some comfort to you

xx

[Marina]

What you feel is totally normal benjaminsmum. We had dd within a year (just) of losing Tom, our second ds, at 21 weeks, and hardly anyone in RL seems to understand that we can't and won't just bin his memory because we are lucky enough to have dd now. Ds1 still misses Tom too, even though he adores his sis.
I have found Mn support so valuable. With one or two exceptions this is now the only space I have to even mention him without people immediately bristling and saying but what about dd? "Move on, Marina". FFS.
If it helps at all, I found the very worst time was in the run-up to Tom's due date - the day itself was sad but less awful than I feared. Same again for first anniversary of his induced delivery. Run-up dreadful, day itself not so bad.
Just after his funeral, someone with similar experiences had said to me that after a year and a day, I would on some level start to feel I had turned a corner. At the time I did not believe her, but she was right. We will never forget Tom but we can mostly deal with our sadness now.
I totally sympathise with how you are feeling right now and am so sorry your dh can't see things from the same angle. Dealing with m/c and stillbirth is so hard for couples and it could be that he is scared something will go wrong too, and this is how he is dealing with his fears?
Keeping posting if it helps and very best of luck with the heartbeat check. I hope you have understanding support from your midwives. Make sure they know about your previous miscarriage, and don't be embarrassed to cry or make your feelings clear in other ways if the appointment is hard for you to cope with. XXX

[Arabica]

You are not alone. There are lots of us still grieving for lost babies whilst pregnant. I lost a baby at nearly 10wks and am now 19 wks pg. Come and join us on the \link{http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk?topicid=49&threadid=146265&stamp=060310100215\pregnancy after a m/c thread}

[evenhope]

My baby would have been due tomorrow. I have just come out of hospital after a second ERPC in 6 months... I was pleased I would be pg at the due date but now have two to get through this year :(

[benjaminsmum]

Hi
Thanks for your supportive words I feel less of an emotional freak now.

Evenhope- I am so sorry your loss is even worse.

[Teaandcake]

I know just how you feel Benjaminsmum.
I had a MC (my first pregnancy, well planned) in August last year and my baby would have been due tomorrow.

We have been trying to conceive ever since with no success.

I know you miss your lost baby terribly but try to enjoy your current pregnancy and look forward to your new baby. He/she will be absolutely joyous.