problem with 16wk pregnancy - going to have to terminate - help

(92 Posts)
Manoo Thu 02-Mar-06 12:33:29

I have just had very bad news. I was pregnant but had very bad bleeding so assumed I had had a miscarrage. However, I didn't feel right so went to the docs and found I had high hcg levels. Had a scan this morning...

The baby is there and alive, but has something very wrong with it (would rather not go into details, too upsetting) so I'm going to have a termination. I'll find out tomorrow exactly how this will be done, but was told today it would most likely be a tablet for me to expel it myself.

I'm terrified of having to go through this. I don't know what anyone could say to make me feel better, but I just felt I wanted to 'talk' (if only over the internet). I feel in such a state of shock, and feel strangely ashamed that my body has created something with something so wrong with it.

Manoo Thu 02-Mar-06 12:34:45

ps should have written 'am going to have to have a termination' - it's not like I've been given the choice. There isn't an alternative.

purpleturtle Thu 02-Mar-06 12:35:25

So sorry, Manoo. I don't have anything to say, other than that, but I couldn't go without saying anything.

CarlyP Thu 02-Mar-06 12:40:41

im so so sorry to hear you are going through this. i am having a m/c and that is bad enough. i hope you find strength and support. perhaps if you type in the ocndition your baby has on google it may help you at least figure out how/why that happened?

Cx

Twiglett Thu 02-Mar-06 12:43:09

poor you and your family .. what a horrendous time

I believe there are strong medical reasons for having to go through an actual 'birth' in terms of coming to terms psychologically and physically with the loss

is there anyone you can talk this through with in RL? is your partner around?

bundle Thu 02-Mar-06 12:44:11

manoo i'm terribly sorry this is happening to you. i had amnios with both my pregnancies and in the 2nd one there was a higher than expected risk of edwards syndrome which is incompatible with life. i would definitely have terminated, even though this would have been a traumatic decision. i'm sure someone will be here soon to give you more practical advice, but don't forget we're thinking about you at this difficult time, x

Angua Thu 02-Mar-06 12:44:12

So sorry to hear your news could you have someone close with you during the day while you have to go through this? Maybe have your best friend round and do something at home?

dinosaur Thu 02-Mar-06 12:44:46

I'm so sorry you are having such a terrible experience. Thinking of you.

milward Thu 02-Mar-06 12:47:00

My thoughts are with you xxx

Marina Thu 02-Mar-06 12:49:23

Manoo, I am so very sorry to hear you are facing this.
Nearly three years ago I found out my ds2 had died in the womb around 21 weeks (so a bit further on than you, and we didn't know what the problem had been, also not so in your case), and I too had to have an induced second-trimester delivery.
Finding out your body has let you and your baby down so badly is shaming, I felt that very strongly at the time. I felt like a failure and a pariah, and these feelings are very normal.
For me, waiting to start the labour was actually worse than going through it. From start of contractions to delivery was only about three hours, although I will be honest and say it was painful and hard work. Feeling terrified is normal in this situation too.

My advice, if it helps at all, would be:

1) if it has not already been offered to you, ask for whatever bereavement midwifery services are available at your hospital. You may be able to access a special, more private room which is away from delivery suite/gynae wards.

2) Request a bit of extra special support. I know wards are short-staffed, but they may be able to assign a HCA or a midwife to stay with you both throughout. We had this and it helped so much.

3) Ask for as much or as little pain relief as you want. I had valium for the stress and could have had pethidine/an epidural, but I decided against these because I wanted to feel in control. That was my personal choice. I used gas and air too.

4) We knew from the scan that Tom was dead but not obviously deformed or damaged, so we knew we would want to see him and hold him. You are in a different situation and don't have to say any more about that, but SANDS good practice advice is to see and and say goodbye to your baby if you feel you possibly can. You don't have to and no midwife will make you, but the reality may be less shocking than your imaginings are at present.

My heart goes out to you Manoo, I hope you have a supportive partner who can be with you at the hospital, and good support from the healthcare team. Because of your baby's condition you should get appropriate follow-up and genetic counselling if necessary, but right now, you need TLC and considerate handling.

Sending you lots of love. It was the hardest time of my life but I survived it - and the support I got on here helped so much. I hope it helps you too. If there is anything you want to ask, ask. A woman called Rosy who had a similar experience to me was my lifeline, and sadly, there are many other Mners around at the mo who have faced a second trimester delivery and the death of their much loved baby.

I hope some of them see your post and can help you. XXX Sitting here in tears for you. So sorry.

Enid Thu 02-Mar-06 12:53:52

so sorry to hear this Manoo.

Marina's advice to contact SANDS is very worthwhile.

what terrible news for you. I'm so sorry.

Can you ask your doctor to arange a d&c - at least this way you would be asleep for the procedure. I have recently gone through a m/c at 15 weeks, and a d&c was carried out for me. When I realised I was going to be asleep it was the biggest relief. I'm sure if you express your fears about this something else could be arranged for you. This is a traumatic enough time for you, after all.

You must never feel ashamed, you have done nothing wrong at all. You were never to know how your pregnancy would turn out - this is not your fault. You need to mourn your loss. I am told that time is the only thing to make you feel better. Look after yourself, be kind to yourself. x

bundle Thu 02-Mar-06 12:56:06

marina's summing up of some of the complex feelings women have when a baby dies in utero are absolutely spot on, and although it's no real comfort, just goes to show how absolutely anything goes at this earth-shattering time.

desperateSCOUSEwife Thu 02-Mar-06 12:59:26

manoo sorry to hear this
hugs
xxx

secretmummy Thu 02-Mar-06 13:01:07

i had to do the same but at 23 weeks so can start to imagine what you must be going through thinking of you xx

Saggarmakersbottomknocker Thu 02-Mar-06 13:06:46

Manoo - what dreadful news for you. I'm so sorry .

kitty4paws Thu 02-Mar-06 13:09:33

so, so sorry, what a terrible time

Although I have not experienced this myself ,Marina has given great advice.

If you feel you do not want to see baby ( and that is very,very normal) you might want the midwives to take some photographs, these can be kept on your file and if, at a later date, you feel you would like to see baby then you have still the option.

I can not even begin to imagine how hard this must all be.

You have done nothing wrong, nothing, nothing nothing, you have not "made" your baby have these problems.

I felt ashamed, wrongly of course, with my m/cs because I felt I had failed somehow, I couldn't make a living baby. Please take support from your RL friends.

I am so sorry that you have to go through this.

kitty4paws Thu 02-Mar-06 13:10:35

so, so sorry, what a terrible time

Although I have not experienced this myself ,Marina has given great advice.

If you feel you do not want to see baby ( and that is very,very normal) you might want the midwives to take some photographs, these can be kept on your file and if, at a later date, you feel you would like to see baby then you have still the option.

I can not even begin to imagine how hard this must all be.

You have done nothing wrong, nothing, nothing nothing, you have not "made" your baby have these problems.

I felt ashamed, wrongly of course, with my m/cs because I felt I had failed somehow, I couldn't make a living baby. Please take support from your RL friends.

I am so sorry that you have to go through this.

SuperTramp Thu 02-Mar-06 13:29:07

Manoo

I'm so very sorry that this is happening to you. You have nothing to be ashamed of but I'm sure that is a very normal feeling for any woman going through this.

Try and take someone with you tomorrow if you can.

Thinking of you

ST xx

Enid Thu 02-Mar-06 13:30:25

((just to say that if you really dont want to see the baby, dont feel bad. Research is unsure which course of action (seeing or not seeing) is really 'best', so please go with your gut feeling))

nailpolish Thu 02-Mar-06 13:35:41

please dont be frightened. i hope you get the very best care and support you deserve. xxx

Manoo Thu 02-Mar-06 13:54:34

Thank you so much everyone for writing something - it really does help. And Marina, thank you in particular for your post - it's really helpful to have those tips. I was thinking about asking for valium so I'm glad to know that might be a possibility. Good also to know that you've survived and come through the other side. I can imagine that the 'build up' to the event will be the worst thing and that I'll be glad to get it over and done with. Luckily my partner isn't working at the moment so he's around to be with me. And my lovely ds (2.8yrs) is around to cheer me up too (and at least I know my body can make a 'normal' one).

I think I need to think carefully about whether to see/hold the baby. There is a deformity and at the moment my feeling is that I don't want to see. I've been told it's a 'neural defect' like the sort of thing that causes spina bifida but worse - I suppose I'll have chance to ask more questions at the hospital tomorrow.

Anyway, thanks again everyone for all your kind words and support. x

desperatehousewife Thu 02-Mar-06 14:07:36

Dear Manoo

I'm so desperately sorry you are having to go through this - it's seems so terribly cruel.

I got to 25 weeks pregnant at the end of November and my little boy died for absolutely no reason. I was given a pill to induce labour. I agree the build up was terrible. Having never given birth naturally before I was petrified.

You WILL come out the other end of this dark tunnel - I promise. I have - i can honestly say, it's the hardest thing I have ever done in my life and it still haunts me a little but I feel almost 'normal' again now.

I would advise talking to a midwife about pain relief. I didn't want to feel any pain, but wanted it to be over as quickly as possible. I had patient controlled Morphine which took the edge of the pain and made me very woozy and almost happy between contractions.

I felt incredibly proud of myself for having given birth and felt i had done my son proud.

My initial reaction was not to see the baby, but I was encouraged by everyone else to see him. I felt really pleased at the time that I was brave enough to see him and actually felt very honoured.

I have to say at the moment it doesn't give me much comfort to have seen him as the image will be with me forever and i struggle with it. But, as my husband put it, it's not necessarily about doing the right thing, but about not doing the wrong thing iyswim! I might have really regretted it further down the line if i hadn't seen him. it's a tough one. I think i would tell anyone to trust their instinct - do what feels right for you and be prepared to question every decision you have made, because you probably will.

In time you will hopefully be less hard on yourself and realise that it is NOT your fault what has happened.

Above all things, you must be easy on yourself at the moment - don't see anyone or talk to anyone that you just can't be bothered to speak to.

Take care - am very happy to talk/cat me if ever you want to....i'm here.

DHW
x

batters Thu 02-Mar-06 14:07:51

Manoo, I'm so sorry that you are going through this.

WideWebWitch Thu 02-Mar-06 14:09:10

No advice, just wanted to add sympathy.

fairyjay Thu 02-Mar-06 14:11:51

A friend of mine was in exactly the same situation as you last year, and I know how tough it was for her and her dh.

As with you, she had her toddler, who was a great focus over such an awful time.

Just feeling for you.

cupcakes Thu 02-Mar-06 17:50:25

So sorry for you. This is a truly terrible situation. I hope you find some comfort from MN - there are some amazing women out there and many of the posts on here demonstrate their strength.
Will be thinking of you.
xx

PandaG Thu 02-Mar-06 17:51:42

So sorry Manoo. Don't 'know' you, but just wanted you to know you are in my thoughts and prayers.

HellKat Thu 02-Mar-06 17:53:52

Manoo-{{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}} God how awful hun.
I'm so so sorry.
It's totally understandable how you're feeling. I've never been through this personally (only early mc's) but hopefully someone will be able to offer you valuable words of wisdom.
Go easy on yourself hun, you don't have a choice.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Marina Thu 02-Mar-06 17:55:36

Manoo, we took a picture of ds1 with us to hospital to remind us that we had something at least to come home to, and that it didn't always go wrong.
I hope knowing that all of us will be thinking of you and your baby tomorrow when you return to the hospital, will help you feel less alone.

I am so, so sorry to hear this. Will be thinking of you.

((xx))

BudaBabe Thu 02-Mar-06 18:12:27

Very sorry to hear what you are going through Manoo. Will be thinking of you.

Piffle Thu 02-Mar-06 18:18:56

Manoo I am so sorry that you have to face this.
I cannot imagine how awful you must be feeling, I hope at least you get some more information about why you have to face this.
Lots of love and hugs
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

wools Thu 02-Mar-06 18:36:21

Manoo, That is so sad, thinking of you at this terrible time.

tribpot Thu 02-Mar-06 18:40:22

Nothing to add except another voice of sympathy and support, all the very best to you and your family in this awful time.

BROWNY Thu 02-Mar-06 18:44:42

So sorry that you have to go through this ordeal Manoo, just wanted you to know that we all care and will be here for you if/when you need to talk, take care of yourself xxxxxx

Blu Thu 02-Mar-06 18:50:14

Manoo, how very very shocking and sad for you. I am so sorry.
I know nothing of this situation, but I do know Marina, and Mn-ers, and people like them will be here for you, and listening.

Manoo, soo sorry for your sad news, thinking of you and sending you big hugs

Manoo Thu 02-Mar-06 19:15:30

Thanks again for all your kind words and support. And thanks Marina for your suggestion of taking a pic of ds1 with us. Good idea.

I don't know at this stage whether I'll have to go through the termination/birth (don't know what to call it still) tomorrow, or whether the doc will just see me tomorrow and schedule an appointment for Monday.

But it's great to know that there are so many lovely women out to offer me sympathy and support.

I've been on the internet and found out more about the baby's condition. Makes it a bit easier to get my head round. Thing I probably didn't explain properly in my first posting was that I didn't even realise I was still pregnant - I'd thought I'd miscarried 7 weeks ago - so I'm feeling that at the moment I somehow don't have a right to grieve if that makes any sense. It's not as if we'd told everyone I was pregnant or were making plans - I'd expected to see tissue left over in my scan today, although was also half hoping for a miracle (as we always do).

So today and tonight I'm just trying to come to terms with the fact that I'm pregnant, as well as the fact that there is a problem that is 'incompatible with life'. I think if I'm going to have to give birth to this baby then I'm going to have to bond with it first!

And Marina, Secretmummy & Desperatehousewife - I'm so sorry for your losses and for what you've had to go through - and to all you who've had m/c's too. xxx

cupcakes Thu 02-Mar-06 19:21:23

Will be thinking of you.
xx

majormoo Thu 02-Mar-06 19:32:15

Manoo really sorry to hear this and wanted to reply to you because it is all so familiar to me. I had a termination in August last year-we found out at our 12 week scan that our baby had a lethal chromonsonal abnormality.

I had a surgical termination, so cannot give you as good advice on how to cope with the physical side of the termination, as Marina, DHW and others who have had second trimester losses can.

However, I do unfortunately have experience of going through a termination for fetal abnormality. It is an absolutely horrendous thing to go through. However, there is a fantastic charity ARC (antenatal results and choices) that supports women and their families through this experience. You can call their helpline and there is also an egroup which I have found invaluable. Sometimes you just need to talk to people who have been through the same experience as you.

I really think most women in this situation experience shock, shame, horror, guilt, fear, pain and god knows what else but my advice would be to allow yourself time to go through all these emotions. Don't feel obliged to do things that you don't want to do. I have mentioned it on here before but the literature we were given said 'life has to go on but you do not have to pretend that this is your normal life.' I found that very helpful.

I would recommend some counselling when are ready.

I also found mumsnet a great place for support. It can feel isolating in the 'real world' sometimes.

On the point about seeing the baby, I wanted to add that the vast majority of terminations for fetal abnormality happen later in pregnancy than is safe for a surgical termination. Therefore most of the stories I have heard have involved women having to decide whether to see their babies or not. Most of them do choose to see them, and I have not heard one woman through ARC who has regretted that choice. Obviously this is a very personal decision-I just wanted to let you know about the stories I have heard.

It may not feel like it now, but you will get through this.

WestCountryLass Sat 04-Mar-06 00:07:22

Manoo

ARC will be able to offer you support and information at this difficult time:

http://www.arc-uk.org/

They do provide a befriending service (I am a befriender) for parents who have lost a baby in this way to talk to another parent who has been through a similar experience.

(((hugs)))

jco Sat 04-Mar-06 08:43:54

I can't express how much my heart goes out to you sweetheart xxx please don't think its something you have done and you have no reason to feel ashamed, its not your fault. i had an ectopic last year and went through a stage of feeling upset that my body hadn't worked properly and so the baby was in the wrong place. nothing i or anybody else say will make you feel better but just know that you will be in my prayers. sending you lots of love and hugs darling

julie xxxx

cori Sat 04-Mar-06 08:49:13

what a terrible thing to have to go through. Dont feel ashamed over soemthing you have no control

Pip Sat 04-Mar-06 09:01:32

What a moving thread. I´m so sorry Manoo that you´re having to go through this right now. Take care x

me23 Sat 04-Mar-06 09:04:41

just wanted to say how sorry I am for you. please get in touch with the support services they should be able to help you and answer any worries or questions you may have.

HellKat Sat 04-Mar-06 09:05:29

Manoo- Hope it went as well as can be expected. Thinking of you at this awfully, sad time. xxxxxx

blueteddy Sat 04-Mar-06 09:20:53

Message withdrawn

Hausfrau Sat 04-Mar-06 17:22:38

oh Manoo - just seen this. you're in my thoughts. yuo knowyou can get good support here.

PeachyClair Sat 04-Mar-06 18:20:28

Manoo, just saw this and am very for you. You are in my thoughts XXX

FirstNikki Sun 05-Mar-06 16:38:50

Manoo just seen your post and I am terribly sorry to hear what you are going through. I am sorry for your loss. Best wishes to you and your family.
xxx

Cristina7 Sun 05-Mar-06 16:59:41

So sorry to hear of what you're going through, Manoo. I wish you strength now and in the coming months.

Blu Tue 07-Mar-06 21:41:19

Manoo?
Wondering how you are...

mumsymoo Tue 07-Mar-06 22:06:29

Just wanted to say that things will get better. Take time to grieve and look after yourself. I had four miscarriages and totally blamed myself. I gave up trying for a family and threw myself into work. To cut a long story short, I've now got 5 children and know that none of the earlier problems were my fault at all.

SaraLee Tue 07-Mar-06 22:19:45

I am so sorry. x

emkana Tue 07-Mar-06 22:26:12

Just wanted to express my sympathy, I'm so sorry to read what you are going through.

Best wishes for you and your family

bigbaubleeyes Tue 07-Mar-06 23:20:35

Manoo - you prob will have quite bad period like pains for the physical side and its not that painful. However where to start re emotional pain I can't imagine. I lost a twin in the first tirmester last year and we were v upset. We found comfort in knowing it was 'poorly' and wasn't developing properly. We felt torn between wanting the baby and for it to be alright but not, it is so difficult....I won't forget the moment of the scan .

We felt lucky in a way cos the decision was taken by mother nature and out of our hands. I think you are being very brave and you have our deepest sympathy and best wishes. x x x

CarlyP Wed 08-Mar-06 07:43:05

hope you doing ok manoo.

cx

Marina Wed 08-Mar-06 08:50:38

Also checking in to see how you are and thinking of you all Manoo XXX

milward Wed 08-Mar-06 08:54:01

Thinking of you manoo - look after yourself at this difficult time xxx

Manoo Thu 09-Mar-06 16:23:35

Thanks for checking in and checking up on me people - it's great to have your support.

I was advised at my Friday appointment to wait a little so went in to hospital on Monday morning and came out on Tuesday morning. The whole process was physically much easier than I'd been expecting, which was something at least. Since first receiving the news my thoughts and feelings had changed, so by the time my tiny baby was delivered I was very keen to look at him and spend time with him. We very much think he's a boy, although we've been told that at 17 weeks female genitals can be swollen so gender can be unclear. We'll find out for sure on Monday, after the postmortem has taken place.

My partner was great and the two of us felt so close as we shared the sad experience of welcoming our boy into the world and saying goodbye at the same time.

Our baby had a neural tube defect - spina bifida is in this group - but our baby had anencephaly, which means that the brain didn't develop properly. It helped to see with our own eyes that, while our little boy's body was totally and utterly perfect, his head showed the extent of the problem and showed us without doubt that our poor little one had no chance of survival at all.

The time since coming home has been hardest - felt weepy yesterday and today feel quite angry and grumpy (although writing this is helping a bit). Going to have a hospital burial, and I'm looking forward to that so I'll have somewhere to go and be when I'm feeling sad.

Anyway, thanks again for your thoughts. Oh, and thanks Marina for the photo idea - it really helped to have photos of ds1 to look at in the hospital.

Piffle Thu 09-Mar-06 16:26:16

Manoo, I have thought of you often in the last week, thank you for being able to come back and tell us what happened.
I am so sad that this happened to you both and amin awe in the way you have dealt with it.
I am glad you feel at peace and that you saw your baby. I hope you recover well and are ok.
Love
Piff x x

WideWebWitch Thu 09-Mar-06 16:28:15

Sympathy Manoo, this sounds very hard.

trace2 Thu 09-Mar-06 16:28:33

so sorry for what happened, but my neices baby had the same, she was 22 weeks, when she terminated, she herself is a spina bifida, but she has not got the same problems, but i must say 12 months after she as a health little boy now,

PeachyClair Thu 09-Mar-06 17:18:50

sending love and hugs XX

blueteddy Thu 09-Mar-06 17:25:23

Message withdrawn

manoo, I think you are amazingly brave. What a terrible time for you. My heart goes out to you.

Take care of yourself. x

motherinferior Thu 09-Mar-06 19:05:56

Manoo, love, I have only just seen this thread. I am so very sorry; there is, of course, nothing else I can say, but I did want to say that.
xxxx

bigbaubleeyes Thu 09-Mar-06 19:08:11

Best wishes manoo

moondog Thu 09-Mar-06 19:09:41

What a truly tragic thing to happen.
I am so sorry.

ssd Thu 09-Mar-06 19:11:51

manoo, really respect your courage.

thinking of you all, very best wishes,

ssd x x x x

biglips Thu 09-Mar-06 19:12:52

my heart goes out to you manoo

SorenLorensen Thu 09-Mar-06 19:13:22

I've only just seen this too, Manoo. I'm so sorry for your loss - how terribly, terribly sad.

Blu Thu 09-Mar-06 19:26:24

Manoo, you have been through so very much in the last month, and have much to go through. So sorry for the loss of your darling baby.

tamum Thu 09-Mar-06 19:28:06

Manoo, I am so, so sorry.

choccywoccydoodaa Thu 09-Mar-06 19:30:08

Manoo - what a brave woman you are. It sounds as if you, your dh and ds will carry each other through this incredibly difficult time. I have to say that despite the trauma and loss you have experienced, you appear to have dealt with this as positively as anyone ever could have. It was lovely that you and your dh were able to say goodbye to your little boy. I send you and all of your loved ones my best wishes at this terribly sad time.

Northerner Thu 09-Mar-06 19:38:46

Just seen this and had to post. Manoo I respect your courage and your spirit. My thoughts are with you.

This is why I love MN. When everyone rallies round to offer support. Particularly ladies who have experienced tragedy themselves.

milward Thu 09-Mar-06 21:03:04

thoughts are with you manoo xxx take care of yourself.

wools Fri 10-Mar-06 11:06:23

Manoo, I'm so sorry to read what has happened to you. I think you have been very brave and I hope that over the coming months the pain will ease for you. Thinking of you at this difficult time.

Twinkie1 Fri 10-Mar-06 11:19:41

Big hugs to you - never been through this myself but my sister went through it at 23.5 weeks and the things that helped her most (Marinas ideas) were to get a special box and keep everything you have from your pregnancy in it - sort of a marker that you have been pregnant and something to remember your son/daughter by.

There are a couple of books that helped my sister I think the best one was called 'empty cradl Broken Heart' - its available on Amazon.

And one more thing - see if you can find out what sex your child is - a friend had a late miscarriage and is terribly upset that she didn't.

Oh and sorry to go on - but talk to your DH/DP - go through the loss together and remember he is hurting too and losing someone who he also cared about - sounds silly but so many people care for the mother and forget the father.

Really really hope that you all get through this all ok.

MummyPig Sat 11-Mar-06 01:02:57

Manoo, have only just seen this thread, am crying as I read it, haven't experienced anything close to this myself but just wanted to say I'm thinking of you

xxx

wabbitintheheadlamps Sat 11-Mar-06 02:03:43

Manoo - thoughts and love to you xx

ghosty Sat 11-Mar-06 06:48:09

Dear Manoo ... I am sorry to read about this. I am thinking of you xxx

harrisey Sun 12-Mar-06 19:43:18

Manoo, just wanted to add that my thoughts are with you. Take care xxx

Hulababy Sun 12-Mar-06 19:49:31

I am so sorry you lost your baby Manoo. Take care.

CarlyP Mon 13-Mar-06 10:24:55

thinknig of you and your family.

cx

manoo so sorry, I have only just seen this.

No advice really, just wanted to say how sorry I am that you have had to go through this.

Clary Mon 13-Mar-06 10:38:47

manoo I too have only just seen this. I am so sorry about your loss of your baby. I do hope the way you have dealt with it and support from your family will help you to get through this.
Claryx

morningpaper Mon 13-Mar-06 10:43:26

Manoo, so sorry you have lost your baby. My thoughts are with you today. xxx

Yorkiegirl Mon 13-Mar-06 10:50:58

Message withdrawn

Ceilidhsmum Tue 21-Mar-06 17:33:28

I've only just joined Mumsnet and I saw your post. Firstly can I send you a thousand hugs, I know what you have been through. My first little girl was diagnosed with anencephaly at 17 weeks in 1994. I was totally devastated. There was no internet to help me understand this condition and I had to go with what the doctors told me. They told me I could terminate or carry on. I decided to carry on as that felt like the right thing for me to do, but I have friends (through an internet support group) that have terminated. Ceilidh was still born at 42 weeks. If you want to email me just to 'chat' I am willing to 'listen'. It may have been over 11 years ago, but my daughter is very much still in my heart. Take care, love Yvonne xxx
ceilidhs_mum@yahoo.co.uk

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