Am waiting for THAT call.

(62 Posts)
bonkerz Fri 14-Oct-05 23:21:56

My mums in hospital. She has been ill for years but got really bad 2 days ago after being in hospital for 7 weeks. Her liver and kidneys have failed and doctors say she wont make it through the night. Am in Basingstoke with all my family (havent been together for atleast 20 years like this) Hospital have rung to say that she had a fit and is in a comatised state. We are now waiting for the call to say she has gone. How am i meant to be feeling? Im hoping for her sake its quick because the woman i saw tonight is not my mum. She was incoherant and im not even sure she knew i was there. how do i deal with this? Ive been very sheltered from death and have never seen anyone this close to going!

Nemo666 Sat 15-Oct-05 10:32:02

bonkerz hunny nobody can tell you how to feel as death affects us all differently. I have cried tons for people I barely knew who died but then people close to me I havent shed a tear and done the 'have to be strong routine'. The thing is hun you dont have to be strong you have to try and work out what you need. It may not hit you straight away it may take months or years to hit you..doesnt sound very positive but what im trying to say is dont be trying to feel a certain way just wait and see how you naturally feel. I am probably confuddling you..lol You know where I am if you need/want anything..or phone me hun just to rant.

bonkerz Sat 15-Oct-05 13:05:04

we got the call at 10am this morning that mum was leaving us. We got to the hospital just in time to say goodbye. she was still warm and looked so peaceful. we all held her and i feel better that she has gone. i know she is in a better place. Are heading back to hospital later because she started purging and they need to clean her and stuff. Will be heading back to Leicester tonight and be back here by tuesday night to help sort arrangements, something i dont have a clue about.
Strangely im doing ok, have been sick and had a bit of a cry but i think seeing everyone else lose it is helping me to be strong and im sure once im alone with DH later i will grieve. Ds and DSD have been told and are ok about it and understand that mummy will be upset etc. Have arranged to spend monday with MIL so that DS has someone else incase im a wreck.
My heart feels heavy, my head is light, on the outside i appear to be ok but im still trying to find out how to grieve. Im starting to take on practical roles and making littel decisions to help me out.
now im rambling so will stop. thanks all for the thoughts. May need you all abit more. Thank you so much Mumsnet

misdee Sat 15-Oct-05 13:06:52

bonkerz, i dont know what to say, but want you to know that a virtual ear to listen is always here , and a shoulder to cry on too.

xx

HRHWickedwaterwitch Sat 15-Oct-05 13:14:52

I'm so sorry Bonkerz.

puff Sat 15-Oct-05 13:15:46

Very sorry to read this bonkerz, thinking of you.

puff xx

Aero Sat 15-Oct-05 13:19:33

Thoughts and {{o}}s.

tabitha Sat 15-Oct-05 13:21:01

So sorry to hear this bonkerz Thinking of you and your family.

LadySherlockofLGJ Sat 15-Oct-05 13:21:54

God Speed.

Beautiful post.

Gobbledispook Sat 15-Oct-05 13:22:49

So sorry to hear this Bonkerz. I have no idea how you deal with something like this. Take good care of yourself. xx

wilbur Sat 15-Oct-05 13:43:11

Bonkerz, I am so so sorry to read this thread. I'm glad you had a chance to get to the hospital for a final goodbye and I hope making the arrangements is not too tough on you. Do I understand from your post about being too young to be an orphan that your father is no longer alive either? I am in a similar position - if you ever want to CAT me to offload please do. Thinking of you.

FrightfullyPoshFloss Sat 15-Oct-05 13:52:16

So sorry Bonkerz. Can't imagine how you are feeling at all. I hope you all manage ok. I'm so glad you got there.xxx

hunkerpumpkin Sat 15-Oct-05 14:08:47

I'm so sorry, Bonkerz

Be kind to yourself and don't worry about how you should be feeling - there's no right or wrong way xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Marina Sat 15-Oct-05 14:12:20

Very sorry Bonkerz - thinking of you anf your family today

george32 Sat 15-Oct-05 14:37:22

I'm so sorry Bonkerz. I'm glad you managed to say goodbye to your mum and that she went peacefully.
Your grief will come out in it's own time, everyone is different, there is no set time scale or way of grieving. Just be very gentle on yourself. Please take it easy and look after both yourself & Alex.
xxx

CountessCadburyOfBournville Sat 15-Oct-05 14:42:50

So sorry to hear this Bonkerz. My thoughts are with you and your family.

RTKMonherBROOMSTICK Sat 15-Oct-05 14:48:21

Bonkerz

WigWamBam Sat 15-Oct-05 15:20:35

Oh bonkerz, so sorry. Although you knew it was coming and that it would be a relief it must still be really hard for you. Don't try and be strong for everyone else; grieve when you need to and take time off from the practical stuff when you feel you have to.

Be kind to yourself and take it in your own time.

Mum2OneAndBump Sat 15-Oct-05 15:27:47

Bonkerz i am so sorry to hear about your mum, you will grieve but in your own time and when you feel ready.

tortoiseshell Sat 15-Oct-05 15:32:37

Sorry Bonkerz. I'm glad you got chance to say goodbye.

blueteddy Sat 15-Oct-05 15:37:37

Message withdrawn

hoxtonchick Sat 15-Oct-05 16:15:02

sorry bonkerz

trefusis Sat 15-Oct-05 16:20:44

Message withdrawn

Cadmum Sat 15-Oct-05 18:17:16

I am so sorry. My thoughts are with you. Please take care of yourself.

marthamoo Sat 15-Oct-05 19:22:14

Oh love, I'm so sorry.

soapbox Sat 15-Oct-05 19:23:44

Bonkerz - so sad for you and your family

Wishing you strength to get through the coming weeks and months

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