2 year old insult thread!

(46 Posts)
Whatalotofpiffle Mon 06-May-13 02:29:32

My lovely little dd (2.4) has decided over the last couple if days that she much refers daddy, and I have been peppered with gems such as:

Sit in the kitchen mummy
Daddy will tell you off mummy, like you no!
Mummy stay here, come no
Like mummy, no!
Mummy eat num num with me. No
Mummy face disgusting

Ha ha!

I know she is only 2 but where has my delicious, cuddly baby who could not be without me gone!?!

MineOrk Mon 06-May-13 04:09:54

Me and DH sat on sofa. DD ( 2.5) gets off and makes to leave. 7 yo big brother blocks her saying " what's the password, what's the password!" she looks confused so he prompts from Peppa Pig. " Is it .....Daddy's Big Tummy?"

An evil twinkle lights up her face." No! It's Mummy's Big Tummy! HA HA!"

Cowbag. She does take after me in tummy shape, though. Ha ha back, daughter.

CouthySaysEatChoccyEggs Mon 06-May-13 04:50:48

My 2yo has a severe speech delay, but is still managing to tell me off - he wags his finger at me if I do something he doesn't like!

MayBeFlying Mon 06-May-13 05:43:19

No like mummy. Mummy silly. Mummy naughty. Me no like.

LittleMissLucy Mon 06-May-13 05:49:33

Mine said " I think you need to go upstairs to your room and have some quiet time"

Prozacbear Mon 06-May-13 09:31:04

Fun thread!

DS tells me off all the time - and other people.

No mummy, Don't sit there, not your seat. That's MY seat.

Mummy, why eyebrows? Don't like them. (I pencil my brows

Don't press the button, not your stop! (To a rather scared little girl who had been idly pressing the stop button on the bus)

Mummy's silly, silly mummy pig (peppa reference, I hope)

NO! NO GREEN MAN, NO WALKING! NO WALKING ON ROAD!!! (To a grown man who crossed the road before the green man appeared. I've created a monster)

xMinerva Mon 06-May-13 11:39:56

Peppa reference here too!

"No, naughty mummy pig oink"

He also picked up the word "sod" from some older kid at the playground so for a while everyone was a "cheeky sod" or "silly sod"

And not sure if this was an insult, a compliment or both but

"No, you no go work today mummy, you not very good at work, you only ok at mummy"

Let's not forget, wobbling my tummy shouting "jelly wobble, jelly wobble".

I don't like your smell.

Said after she got into my bed at 3am. Cheeky mare.

mikkii Mon 06-May-13 12:02:06

I've also had "bad choice mummy" but this is sometimes counteracted by "good girl mummy, well done"!

MrsMarigold Mon 06-May-13 12:11:34

My DS is only 23 months and whenever he does a poo, he waves his hand in front of his nose and accuses his sister "X poo, X poo. Yuk!"

Whatalotofpiffle Mon 06-May-13 12:51:09

Ha ha ha!! Additions for today...

Mummy bum big
Mummy good at driving, no

shoesontheglasslamp Mon 06-May-13 20:50:54

Mummy go 'way (away).
He picked it up from a book, and I'm having to hold my tongue from replying 'no, you go away'...!

DD at 2 told me No mummy, no mummy, you DON'T talk

And yesterday DS 2.11 told me Your eyes have cracks mummy.

Hmmmmm

Crazy4U Mon 06-May-13 20:59:31

Peppa pig has a lot to answer for - my dd (2.3) has started saying any food I have cooked is "yuck".

Whatalotofpiffle Mon 06-May-13 21:06:46

Ha ha, this morning my dd said 'mummy line mummy' (pointing to 'laughter' lines)

AngryGnome Mon 06-May-13 22:06:58

Watching breakfast tv, DS (2.5) points at the screen and says 'ah, pretty lady'. I agree that she is, indeed, a pretty lady. DS then points gleefully at me and howls 'mummy is not a pretty lady, mummy is a spotty lady'. Cue unending hysterical laughter on his part. I am more like this hmm

AngryGnome Mon 06-May-13 22:12:10

DS also seems to be developing into a rabid Tory. On a train recently, midweek, and a man gets on, obviously had been drinking heavily, still clutching a can, and promptly goes to sleep. DS peers angrily at him and starts his tirade 'what that man doing? That man sleeping. Why that man sleeping? Why he not at work? Man! Man! Why you not working? Go to work man, go to work!'

He kept this up for some time despite my frequent shushing and attempts to slide under my seat in embarrassment.

Whatalotofpiffle Mon 06-May-13 22:15:04

Oh that is hilarious!

Mamuss Mon 06-May-13 22:18:05

No like mine Mumma!
Mumma go work, Dadda stay.
But it's not personal... Everything is no like at the moment... No like mine house!! Every time we go out and return home...

Lozario Mon 06-May-13 22:23:51

As I got dressed this morning, DD(2.1): "ha mummy look, your tiny boobies!" hmm

BeaWheesht Mon 06-May-13 22:24:08

Dd is 2.6 and a right stroppy little diva - I am her favourite parent unless I say no in which case she 'no likes me' and she 'will tell Dh, MiL, ds's teacher (?!)...'

Oh and her favourite is ' I no care anyway' just to show you that she hasn't been affected by anything you've done!

BeaWheesht Mon 06-May-13 22:24:58

Oh and when she says love you at bedtime she whispers under her breath 'even though you smell of poo' and giggles manically (thanks ds)

Tigresswoods Mon 06-May-13 22:26:03

DS is 3 so not 2 as the thread suggests... However he was "not impressed with you,Daddy"

BeaWheesht Mon 06-May-13 22:30:21

Oh and not an insult as such but I gave in to the extra cuddle demand at bedtime tonight because her voice sounded all wobbly and she sees genuinely upset and when I picked her up she did the most sly grin ever and when I asked why she was smiling she said 'cos mummy I know you no be cross wif me when I do smiling with cuddles'

She was right though .

Prozacbear Tue 07-May-13 16:11:35

This morning: "Where Nana? I want Nana. Not you, mummy. Go away. Want Nana ... Nana's house ... Nana's car ... Nana got good car. You not got a car, mummy. Bad mummy."

Good to know he's a material boy.

mixedmamameansbusiness Wed 08-May-13 20:44:44

Is it unreasonable that I opened this thread thinking we would be insulting our 2 year old for the day that mine gave me today???

<<bows head in shame and leaves>>

tinkerbellvspredator Wed 08-May-13 20:58:18

"Don't talk to me like that mummy. Humph" crosses arms and does the face

EverybodysStressyEyed Wed 08-May-13 21:03:37

"I don't want to see your face" crosses arms and turns back

I put a new top on "mummy you look like a fat lady"

if she's cross she'll call you a poo poo head (thanks ds!)

eversomuch Wed 08-May-13 21:24:49

Tonight, when DH was trying to put her to bed: "Go back work, Papa. Jeans on, shirt on, coat on. Go back work!"

sh77 Wed 08-May-13 22:57:09

" I poo on mama face" ds 2.1
I have never laughed so much.

Goldenbear Wed 08-May-13 23:52:49

My DS is nearly 6 and will call DD who is 25 months, 'young lady' if she wrecks his playmobil, Lego set ups. She can't say 'young' but uses 'lady' to refer to me when she is cross with me or a situation. She also says 'God's sake' and will regularly say, 'God sake lady' over anything she doesn't approve of - it is very funny!

OhHullitsOnlyMeYoni Wed 08-May-13 23:59:15

DD is 21mo now so limited speech but I can sense her dissapointment in me at times. I get told "Not like da" <shakes her head> = can be used to express disgust at anything from me picking up her doll to daring to open a pack of raisins for her to 'help'
She is very good at sighing like a teenager already hmm
She is also adamant that my mole on my face is poo and frequently points to it shouting 'POOO MUMMY!' as loud as possible.

Delayingtactic Thu 09-May-13 00:00:26

DS pointed to my admittedly very hairy legs and went 'eww'.

He's also started going 'no shhh' with a finger to his lips like an angry librarian which cracks me up everytime.

zipzap Thu 09-May-13 00:04:33

When he was about 3-4, ds2 delivered what he thought was the ultimate rtelling off to me when I'd done something he didn't like (make him get into the bath or make him get out of the bath if memory serves correctly - he hates getting in but once in, he hates getting out again and would happily sit there for hours)

Him - 'Mummy, I'm not going to get married to you now you're being horrible to me'

me - 'Oh well, never mind grin'

BrigitBigKnickers Thu 09-May-13 00:09:40

When DD2 was very little she was told off by her ballet teacher.

"My mummy will throw you in the bin!" She threatened menacingly.shock

CouthySaysEatChoccyEggs Thu 09-May-13 00:48:21

I was telling DS3 to sit down nicely on the bus this afternoon. Whilst I was mid sentence, he put his fingers on my lips and frowned at me and said "shhhhhhhhh"...

kipplin Thu 09-May-13 12:31:49

3yo DD
"daddy, I love you to the moon and back"

" mummy, I just love you to the fence and back" !!!!

OhHullitsOnlyMeYoni Thu 09-May-13 13:05:58

I love these! Making me smile smile

Emmaw9 Fri 10-May-13 19:31:53

Thank you for making my day!
I have just laughed my head off at these!
Nothing to contribute as DS is only 5 months but thank you for the giggle!

MiaSparrow Thu 16-May-13 08:30:21

DP to DD (2.3): You're looking pretty!
DD: Yes, I am pretty.
DP: And Mummy's pretty too isn't she?
DD: No, she's just pooey.

hmm

matana Thu 16-May-13 14:57:58

DS (2.5): "Mummy stop singing please. My not like it."

And the other day my DH has cause to go into DS's room and tell him to settle down and go to sleep. As soon as he shut the door: "Oh, for goodness sake!"

LeonardoAcropolis Thu 16-May-13 16:28:18

To DH "I'm going to chop you up, put you in bin and get another daddy".

To both of us "Rubbish man" or "Rubbish lady", said with real venom.

VodkaRevelation Thu 16-May-13 16:46:11

My 20 mo likes to call DH 'Dirty Daddy' which I love!

One morning when I did, admittedly, look horrendous (mad hair, smudged eye make up, general hung over look) whilst sitting next to me on the sofa he pointed right at face a laughed.

Ragusa Fri 17-May-13 15:18:53

What's dat smell mummy? Dat Mummy's bum?? (It was not, I tell you).

Favorite joke/ insult from 2.5 yo DS.

Pascha Fri 17-May-13 15:23:04

Having been righteously told off yesterday for climbing up and standing on the arm of the sofa before throwing himself on top of me and DS2 (all the while saying 'Sit Down! Monkey!' in a passable impression of me), we had tears and 'sorry mummy, sorry DS2' and then 'naughty naughty naughty chair!' at the sofa grin

Haven't got any that I'm prepared to admit to but marking place in hopes of more from everyone else!

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