Come tell me dd isn't really behind for her age...

(111 Posts)
BeaWheesht Fri 01-Mar-13 17:32:19

Tool dd to doctors today as she's been unwell - when nurse listened to her tummy she was aghast to see she's still in nappies and told dd she was far too old to be wearing nappies.

Dd is 2y5m - I had planned on potty training at the start of January but we've all been ill with various things since then.

So, tell me, is she really 'far too old' ????

PoppyWearer Fri 01-Mar-13 17:35:15

My DD was gone 3yo by the time she was potty trained. Just wasn't ready earlier (we tried).

Ignore!

MajaBiene Fri 01-Mar-13 17:35:56

No, 2.5 is probably about average to start training - though leaving it til 3+ is getting more common now too!

So long as she is out of nappies by the time she starts nursery class (term after 3rd birthday) then I'd say she's quite normal.

Was the nurse quite a bit older? Remember when we were children we'd be potty trained at 2, if not before.

PoppyWearer Fri 01-Mar-13 17:37:23

YY to the generational thing.

It's also a cultural thing, my friend is from India and over there they potty-train very early.

BeaWheesht Fri 01-Mar-13 17:37:47

Yes older nurse.

Ds is 6 now but was 2y6m I think when he potty trained.

CelticPromise Fri 01-Mar-13 17:39:29

No of course she isn't. And neither will she be if she goes to nursery in nappies, what an odd comment. They're all different. DS is 3.5 and not ready yet. Noone is worried about him and nursery are happy to change his nappy.

gillian88 Fri 01-Mar-13 17:43:53

No way, ds is 2.10 and I'm only starting to get him familiar with the potty, will properly train him when the warmer weather comes in! HV told me as long as he is trained by September for starting pre school it's not a problem!

RobinSparkles Fri 01-Mar-13 17:46:03

My nephew was 3 before he was toilet trained, DD1 was 2 and a bit, my niece is 2.5 and still in nappies. I'm waiting for DD2 (just turned 2) to be ready.

I wouldn't worry - that nurse was rude.

MajaBiene Fri 01-Mar-13 17:47:50

A child without any additional needs who starts nursery school still in nappies would certainly be the minority. Most nursery classes/pre-schools prefer and encourage children to be trained before they start.

Pascha Fri 01-Mar-13 17:51:08

DS1 is 2.5m, I'm not planning to train him til at least april/may.

MrsJamin Fri 01-Mar-13 17:53:02

MajaBiene - surely that depends when they start "nursery school"?! DS had his 3rd birthday last week and I am in no rush - he doesn't tell me when he's done a poo so he's hardly going to be able to tell me he needs a wee.

MajaBiene Fri 01-Mar-13 17:56:18

Usually they start nursery school the term after their 3rd birthday - so yes, the majority of children with no additional needs should be trained by then!

pictish Fri 01-Mar-13 17:57:52

None of mine were potty trained until a few weeks before their 3rd birthday.
<shrug>

sandiy Fri 01-Mar-13 17:57:52

Potty train when you and your child are ready not before otherwise all you get is tons of wet pants and in this weather that's no fun.Also in my opinion it's better to leave it til warmer weather so they can wear less to make it easier to go.

amothersplaceisinthewrong Fri 01-Mar-13 17:58:32

three and a half and still in nappies????? Blimey I would be very worried.

lljkk Fri 01-Mar-13 17:58:34

Your DD is normal, OP. Don't let it worry you another second.

whatyoulookinat Fri 01-Mar-13 17:59:30

The nurse needs to mind her own business. 2 out of my 3 were potty trained after 3yrs old.

idiot55 Fri 01-Mar-13 18:00:33

ignore. so sad you were told this by a suppossed helth professional,madness

Floggingmolly Fri 01-Mar-13 18:01:17

No she's not. It's actually become far more acceptable to have 3 yo's (and over) in nappies than it would have been say 10 years ago.
I think the main reason for a lot of the pressure was the fact that pre schools / nurserys would refuse to accept untrained children; they're not allowed to do that now.

MajaBiene Fri 01-Mar-13 18:01:45

Pure laziness not to toilet train a 3.5 year old - not nice for nursery staff to have to deal with and horrible for the child too. Some parents do seem to hope their children will just train themselves if left for long enough.

Wolfiefan Fri 01-Mar-13 18:02:03

Mine was 3 before we started. (Nursery tried earlier with no success!)

blibblibs Fri 01-Mar-13 18:05:50

Didn't do both of mine until just after their 3 b'day and they were both dry within a week. Seemed much less stress than friends that had done it closer to 2.
Both mine went to nursery in nappies.
Just do it when it's good for both of you and ignore anyone who tells you otherwise smile

CelticPromise Fri 01-Mar-13 18:16:09

Thanks for calling me lazy maja hmm

When I say DS is not ready, I mean he's not ready. Frankly I could do without washing the nappies, but I prefer that to washing the floor.

ChestyLeRoux Fri 01-Mar-13 18:19:33

2.5 I would be looking at starting.I would definitely expect potty training to have been done by 3.5 unless any additional needs.

lougle Fri 01-Mar-13 18:23:04

It depends on the child.

DD1 (SN) dry by day at 2.6, still in nappies at night at 7.
DD2 dry by day at 2.10, dry by night at 3.8
DD3 dry by day and night at 2.0

BeaWheesht Fri 01-Mar-13 18:26:34

Thanks for the Advice / opinions everyone grin glad I'm not holding her back - we are starting soon if we're ever well

Ashoething Fri 01-Mar-13 18:28:08

maja-you are sooooooooooooo funnygrin My ds is nearly 4 and not toilet trained-is only just beginning to show signs of being ready. Am not in the least bit concerned-dd was dry by 2.5 and my other dc is bed wetter at 10-are you clutching your pearls in horror?

MajaBiene Fri 01-Mar-13 18:34:58

I'm not horrified, I just find it odd and unfair to leave a child of that age in nappies. "Not ready" seems to mean "won't train themselves with as little effort/input from me as possible".

elah11 Fri 01-Mar-13 18:37:43

Ashoething still in nappies at almost 4 with no sn? Sorry but that IS unusual and smacks of laziness on your behalf.

CelticPromise Fri 01-Mar-13 18:39:01

No, it means not capable of telling me if he has a wet or dirty nappy, no evident dry periods day or night, and no attempt to use the potty at all when put in pants. At the last attempt I cleaned five accidents from the floor by lunchtime. Will be trying again at Easter but I won't be pushing if he's still not ready.

Ashoething Fri 01-Mar-13 18:39:40

Is my 10 year old who still wets the bed lazy then? Oh and do fuck off with your sneery judgy pantsgrin

LadyWidmerpool Fri 01-Mar-13 18:39:47

All. Children. Are. Different. Sheesh.

AvonCallingBarksdale Fri 01-Mar-13 18:41:27

I "did" both DS and DD when they turned 3. It took 2 weeks for both of them. I have never thought of that as being lazy smile Why would any of us want to spend months having accidents trying to train them before they were really ready confused

Ashoething Fri 01-Mar-13 18:43:05

Exactly ladywid but some people like to feel smug over stuff that really is not that big a deal-its a bit sad really.

Goldmandra Fri 01-Mar-13 18:43:06

Why does training have to be a long hard slog with lots of effort Maja?

I introduced the potty to DD1 around her second birthday then made it part of the bathtime routine until she was 2.5 and appeared to be ready. When I put her in pants she was dry barring a handful of accident immediately.

Surely that's the best way to do it?

I could have started earlier and, with far more accidents, possible upsets and washing to do, had her trained months before 2.5 but it doesn't seem like a more desirable alternative to me confused

....or am I just lazy too?

MajaBiene Fri 01-Mar-13 18:43:28

Ashoething - bed wetting is a slightly different issue as it is partly to do with whether a child starts producing a hormone that stops urine production at night. A child of 10 who is still bedwetting should probably be seen my a enuresis clinic though if they haven't been already.

Celtic - children have accidents. Giving up by lunchtime does sound lazy.

TheSecondComing Fri 01-Mar-13 18:45:05

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MajaBiene Fri 01-Mar-13 18:45:11

Goldmandra - of course it doesn't have to be a hard slog, but it does often require a bit of parental effort, especially if the child hasn't trained themselves by 3. Your child was out of nappies by 2.5 which is completely normal confused

formallyknownasloveydarling Fri 01-Mar-13 18:45:11

In colder countries of Northern Europe hardly anyone even tries in the winter as kids are in tights and trousers, making it harder for them - and everyone else! And who wants to rush outside to the loo or have to whip the potty out in a park at -10 degrees?
Most kids are 3 before starting. One persons normal is another persons weird I guess!

elah11 Fri 01-Mar-13 18:45:33

Ashoething enuresis is entirely different to not being tt, they are controlled by different hormones etc so they are not to be compared. I most certainly do not think a child of 10 who bed wets is lazy, thats an entirely different issue. And I do not think a 4 yr old who is not tt is lazy either, I think the parent who chooses not to tt them however is a little . But feel free to chuck expletives around if it makes you feel better grin

Cakecrumbsinmybra Fri 01-Mar-13 18:45:57

I don't understand people saying it is "laziness" not to potty train. I'm sure they would rather not be still changing nappies. I also hate the term potty "training" - you point children in the right direction, etc, but you do not train them like a bloody puppy. DS1 was dry at 2.5, including at night, the night bit being completely of his own accord. He asked for a nappy to poo in until he was exactly 3. Then using a few ideas we progressed from potty to toilet quite quickly. But in those 6 months he was adamant about the nappy and what was the point of making everyone miserable to insist he did it in a potty instead? It was not out of laziness though, that's for sure.

Ashoething Fri 01-Mar-13 18:46:10

Yes maja- my dcis attending a clinic-I havent just been letting him piss everywherehmm

Was I not "lazy" when my dd was trained-never had 1 accident-by 2.5 then? or could it be because all children are ready at different stages?....

MajaBiene Fri 01-Mar-13 18:49:37

If your child has a medical issue then obviously it is not parental laziness.

Some children train very easily with no accidents. Most children it takes a week or two with some accidents. Some children find it harder and there are lots of accidents.

Not bothering with a child who is more work is lazy.

akaemmafrost Fri 01-Mar-13 18:52:31

It doesn't need to be an "effort", I truly believe if it's an "effort" then they're not ready.

Both mine trained a few weeks after 3rd birthday. Dry during the day within days and dry at night within two weeks.

They were ready.

CelticPromise Fri 01-Mar-13 18:52:48

maja that is of course not the extent of what we have tried, just an example, and evidence that he's not ready- he doesn't know when he needs a wee! I just don't think it's necessary to push him. Incidentally he sees an army of medical professionals for follow up because of serious health problems as a baby, and none of them have ever mentioned it so it can't be that big a deal. I hate the thought that people are judging us because he's in nappies.

5madthings Fri 01-Mar-13 19:02:23

I agree with akaem my ds1 was out of nappies at 18mths, just did it himself.

Ds2 was just three as was ds2 and ds4 was 3yrs 5mths. All of them were dry within a few days, literally no more than a few accidents.

Dd is 26mths and not ready at all, if she shows signs I will try this summer but if not we will wait.

All of mine have had 'nappy free' time, everyday from birth, and we have a potty about so the opportunity is always there if they want to give it a go. But it was very obvious watching them that they didn't train till they were ready and had awareness etc. Dd will look down in surprise when she sees with no nappy on, she is no where near ready to train.

sockmonkey Fri 01-Mar-13 19:04:02

I waited till all mine were 3 before potty training. It's a LOT easier when they can tell you, and can pull trousers up & down on their own.

OutragedFromLeeds Fri 01-Mar-13 19:04:16

'I truly believe if it's an "effort" then they're not ready.'

If after a week/2 weeks of 'effort' they're potty trained, then surely they were ready? If they weren't ready they wouldn't be able to do it would they?

ChunkyChicken Fri 01-Mar-13 19:05:01

My DD is 2.10. I tried potty training in the summer (at 2.4) & failed. She asked to go back in a nappy to do a poo sad However, DS was born when she was 2.6 so didn't want regression issues or to be even more stressed out doing it with a brand new newborn.

I'm planning to try again in a couple of wks.

Clearly, judging by some on here, I'm lazy & she's backwards.... Or perhaps its that every child & situation is different & one size doesn't fit all??!!! hmm

akaemmafrost Fri 01-Mar-13 19:06:27

Did you read my post? It took US a couple of weeks. I just didn't consider it an "effort"

OutragedFromLeeds Fri 01-Mar-13 19:07:03

'She asked to go back in a nappy to do a poo'

That's quite common. It doesn't mean she wasn't ready.

OutragedFromLeeds Fri 01-Mar-13 19:09:52

'Did you read my post? It took US a couple of weeks. I just didn't consider it an "effort" '

If this is to me. Yes I read your post. I quoted the bit I was responding to in my post.

akaemmafrost Fri 01-Mar-13 19:12:43

Well you clearly didn't get my meaning so I will explain.

Friends have mine have been "training" their children for months, in their late twos, becoming very stressed about it. THAT'S what I call an effort. If you're in that situation, they're not ready. Two weeks to me is NOT an effort but to be expected. I was pretty surprised at how easy the process was tbh.

What a total pile of (nappy-contained) shit! Your DD sounds fine to me and better to wait until she's definitely ready.

Did she pick up on what the nurse said? I can see how it could be very hurtful to a toddler.

DukeSilver Fri 01-Mar-13 19:23:14

I don't think its late. DD started at about 2.4yo and was the first of her similarly aged friends to be out of nappies. Many of them are still not potty trained and they are nearly 3 now. It doesn't seem late to me at all.

BeaWheesht Fri 01-Mar-13 19:25:09

I don't know if she picked up on it tbh, I hope not.

CharlotteBronteSaurus Fri 01-Mar-13 19:28:57

we didn't start training dd1 until two weeks before her third birthday
she was reliably dry by 3
lots of people i know started potty training at two and a bit
their DC were reliably dry by 3 as well. but mostly not before then. and i spent a lot less time mopping up piss.

dd2 is 2.4. we might think about starting over the summer. but no rush.

MidnightMasquerader Fri 01-Mar-13 19:36:51

Gosh, don't worry about it.

Some people get so opinionated on this topic, and love to clutch their pearls at the way other people do things. Odd.

DS was 3.3 when we did him. We emigrated when he was 2.3 and had a couple of house moves after that, so wanted to be relatively stable when we eventually did do it.

I used the Gina Ford method - am not a Gina Ford type at all - but thoroughly recommend her for potty training. Essentially, you make a decision to go for it, do a little bit of preparatory work, and then follow through, unless your child absolutely show signs of not being ready. DS was dry in a couple of days, but really, really struggled with No. 2.

After several weeks of this, I decided to try to train DD who was 2, and seemed ready. Probably because she'd been watching her brother. Again, used the Gina Ford method, and she was trained fully in about 3 days - wees and poos. And as I hoped, it all clicked into place for DS too.

Nobody fully understand your individual child and family situation, and all the other things going on in your life - and so to come out with blanket statements like 'lazy parenting' if you haven't nailed it by X age, is honestly so unhelpful. Ignore people like this. smile

MidnightMasquerader Fri 01-Mar-13 19:40:00

And also, the scare-mongerers, who'd be 'so worried' shock if their child wasn't trained by X age.

Again, ignore them. It'll all turn out just fine.

scottishmummy Fri 01-Mar-13 19:45:40

It's not baby Olympics first to Poop in potty Achieves in Life
We didn't potty train til 3yrs old,when Clearly ready and Happy to
Cracked it with no problems in few days

Iseeall Fri 01-Mar-13 19:47:39

Your dd is normal please do not worry. Do not bother to start potty training until its warmer, so much easier to leave off layers of clothes and lo can sit on the potty as much or as little as they/you like.

teresa2003 Fri 01-Mar-13 19:51:10

Really would not worry about this. My ds nursery use to tell me they were "very concerned"about the fact that he still had nappies on at 2.5 & also about the fact that he would often refuse to even sit on a potty (which he use to do with me as well!)
Anyway soon after he decided that nappies were for "babies" and said he wanted "big boy pants".He never had any accidents unless he was unwell.And hardly ever wet the bed either. So all of ds nurseries "concerns" were completley unfounded.

MajaBiene Fri 01-Mar-13 20:12:42

Everyone I know who has potty trained has started between about 23 months and 2.8 years and it has taken between a couple of days and a couple of months. I don't buy this "even if you start at 2 they won't be reliable til 3" nonsense.

Katnisscupcake Fri 01-Mar-13 20:17:09

I'm nother sure that I agree with the waiting to see if children are ready.

Dh and I booked a week off in the October after dd turned 2 and just decided to stay at home and give it a go. Let her run around with no pants on and dotted potties around. Told her that it was like the toilet that mummy and daddy used and that she was a big girl and needed to do poos and wees in them.

That week she had two accidents on the first day and one on the second day. 18 months on and she's never had an accident. She was night trained 2 weeks later.

So whether you think they are showing signs or not (dd wasn't), let them have a go. If it doesn't work in that week, try again in a few months.

As far as the OP goes, 2.5 is definitely still within the timeframe of all the kids I know that were potty trained. The nurse was talking rubbish...

CecilyP Fri 01-Mar-13 20:20:46

The nurse was talking nonsense - where on earth did she get her ideas from. Around 2.5 you might just be starting to think about taking DD out of nappies but she is definitely not 'far too old' to be in nappies IYSWIM. How ridiculous.

Smudging Fri 01-Mar-13 20:27:57

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Corygal Fri 01-Mar-13 20:32:35

DN didn't make it till he was 4, but his sister trained herself at 2.

Tsk, a lot of fuss about nothing ver' much.

MidnightMasquerader Fri 01-Mar-13 20:39:39

But so what Maja? You do it your way, and let others do it theirs.

DD was trained at 2 (i.e. just after her birthday) and was reliable from then on in. But she's just one, individual child. I'm sure not all are exactly like her.

I really don't understand what people who come on and be all faux shocked and disapproving on threads like these hope to achieve. Other than to make people feel bad...

Bumpsadaisie Fri 01-Mar-13 21:21:58

??? Am genuinely baffled by this.

IME it is normal to start at about 2.5. My son was born when DD was that age, so we started at 2.7. She was fully dry and clean day and night by her third birthday.

ZPRB Sat 02-Mar-13 22:06:37

It's nonsense to have a 'one age' fits all attitude. We trained my DS from 2.8 and tbh at the age of 4 can still have accidents but was mostly reliable from 3.2 whereas my DD was fully trained by 2 with no accidents at all. I applied the same method to both and tbh I wished I'd waited with DS until he was really ready for it - it's just stressful for you & them. As my mum once said to me by the time they start school they are walking, talking, no bottles or dummy's and toilet trained! Does it matter at what age?!

I am glad you posted this op as someone may be able to give me some advice..
Dd3 is 2.7 and decided she didn't want nappies anymore just after Christmas.
All ok some days no accidents.
Wee nearly always on the potty/toilet but poo much worse.

She seemed to have turned a corner last week we had 5 days with no poo accidents & 4 con

.. Completely dry & now she has gone right back to the beginning and is pooing and weeing in her pants without a care in the world..
What to do next? I ended up putting a nappy on her again today I am really fed up of cleaning poo off her legs & clothes (and fending ds 14 m away from it..)

She obviously can do it but has decided not to bother anymore.

(Sorry to hijack and yanbu by the way)

willowthecat Sun 03-Mar-13 13:52:38

Maybe the nurse thought OP's dd was much older than 2.5 as it can be hard to judge an age in the pre school range as 'aghast' seems an extreme reaction to a 2.5 in nappies - ds1 has significant additional needs but was still trained at just after age 4 so even I would be a bit surprised to see typical child in nappies at that age but certainly not at 2.5 !

But she would ve known the age as she examined her surely? So would've seen the notes etc

Kiwiinkits Sun 03-Mar-13 19:49:46

I think it's lazy not to train a child before 3. And I think it creates all sorts of toilet "isshoes" and confusion. We expect a child to use a fork, a cup, get themselves dressed, have manners, do puzzles etc, but not go to the toilet? WTF!? The plastic nappy companies have done so well creating false demand for nappies, haven't they.

So, IMO, it's time to start. Nurse was right.

Kiwiinkits Sun 03-Mar-13 19:53:22

I'm disapproving because I think kids can, and should, be trained by 3. Most can do it by 2.5, if potty has been part of their lives since they were little. Our mothers did it, we can do it, the only people who think we can't are Pampers and co. Modern potty training info is completely wrong, in my opinion. And it's no coincidence that the information (or propaganda) given about potty training changed dramatically with the proliferation of plastic nappies.

Kiwiinkits Sun 03-Mar-13 19:55:21

It is not an instant process. Start now, don't pressure it, just introduce it.

Well thanks for that kiwi, something else to beat myself up about. DS1 turned 3 last month & still isn't potty trained. I have tried & tried but he just won't get it. I also have a 5 month old and severe PND, do you still think I'm lazy?

akaemmafrost Sun 03-Mar-13 20:18:44

Oh shut up kiwi.

You are certainly entitled to your opinion but it is a judgmental rigid one. And IMO total bunkum .

Don't worry about it OP. I am the most unlazy person ever. I am a lone parent with two SN dc, I HE one child, study with the OU and run 10km 4 x a week. My children were just gone 3 when I started and trained within two weeks. Why go looking for work and stress for you AND dc?

coppertop Sun 03-Mar-13 20:28:16

The problem with smugly judging and deciding that later toilet-training is only okay if there are medical issues/SN involved, is that often those issues/SNs aren't diagnosed until the child is much older. Meanwhile you've upset the child's parents with your judgey remarks, just so that you can feel superior to someone else for 5 minutes. Is it really worth it?

2yrs 5mths really isn't that old. It's possible that the nurse assumed your dd was older than she really is. I've already been asked if my dd will be starting in Reception in September. She's not even old enough for pre-school yet.

Kiwiinkits Sun 03-Mar-13 20:40:01

Someone has to counter-act wave after wave after wave of mis-information from Pampers and co about potty training. Don't beat yourself up, you just did what you were told to do. It's just that you were told wrong.

Our mothers did it the right way. Start as soon as they can sit, put them on the potty when they wake up from a nap, make the potty become part of their lives. By 11 months, most poos and wees will be on the potty. By 2, they will be asking for it by themselves. And I know this because there are hundreds and hundreds of parents who still do it the old fashioned way, and have had success with it. We're relatively silent, because we don't have millions to spend on advertising to mothers, to 'advise' them to wait till they're 3.

I'm aware I'm ranting. I'm sorry. I just HATE seeing piles and piles and piles of plastic going into landfill completely unnecessarily. Like it or not, late training IS responsible for that. It's disgusting.

Kiwiinkits Sun 03-Mar-13 20:43:39

The other downside is that the age between 2-3 is when children are naturally defiant and reluctant. Start at 11 months, they're more than happy to sit there and be read to, sung to, and they want to please you. The result is a long, slow, tearless, battleless introduction to toileting. Just like teaching them to use a fork or dress themselves. Slowly, slowly catch a monkey.

CelticPromise Sun 03-Mar-13 20:49:03

Kiwi you can relax about my late training DS, since he's wearing terry squares, some of which are on their fourth child. And we don't use wipes. So no need for pearl clutching about landfill.

There are plenty of other things that a typical three year old can do and he can't. He's young for his age. So what?

ConstantCraving Sun 03-Mar-13 20:49:41

My DS was trained just after 2 years old. I was smug and judgey. Then I had DD - 3.6 now and whilst we've just about cracked the wee's - poo's are a whole other issue! Each child is different and reaches the milestones at their own rate.

Kiwiinkits Sun 03-Mar-13 20:54:29

Alright, I'll knock it off. That's my pearl clutching done for the day blush

loubielou31 Sun 03-Mar-13 20:55:41

DD2 potty trained at 2yrs 9 months (dry day and night in three days so waiting until she was REALLY ready made it very easy). She is very definitely not developmentally challenged in any way. I would say it is just an old fashioned view and don't worry about it.

CelticPromise Sun 03-Mar-13 21:04:41

Fair enough. smile I hate the waste of disposables too.

MidnightMasquerader Sun 03-Mar-13 21:13:50

Slowly, slowly catch a monkey.

Or, you know, wait until they're ready and do it in under a week. confused Our mothers used to train very early as washing out terry nappies every day wasn't exactly a bundle of laughs. Nor was the constant nappy rash. And as a result, potty training was generally something that took a very long time.

Kiwi - you do it your way, and let others do it theirs.

I really don't know what people think will happen if they don't do it quick sharp, the moment they hit, say, 18 months - still be in nappies at 15 years of age...?! Well, as we all know, that simply doesn't happen.

I also don't know a single child who was trained 3+ who has any "isshoes". Again: scaremongering.

5madthings Sun 03-Mar-13 21:27:15

Why spend months and months trying to train them when they are not ready? With all the associated extra washing and a possibly upset toddler who doesn't like having accidents when you can wait for them too be ready and then do it in a matter if days?

My four boys all trained at different ages, ds1 was 18mths and did it himself, ds2was 2 coming up for three as was ds3 and ds4 was 3yrs 5mths, he just wasn't ready before then but got it in two days once he was, no accidents from then onwards.

Dd is 26mths and not ready yet.

Waiting doesn't create issues, making a young toddler try when they are not ready can definitely create issues and upset tho.

Seriously once they are trained no one cares what age they were trained, its not something asked on their UCAS form etc.

5madthings Sun 03-Mar-13 21:30:03

Oh and advice has also changed as there is now more medical knowledge on his it works and when babies are physically able to control their bladder and when their hormones change and instigate night dryness etc. Babies of 11mths aren't physically capable of controlling their bladder, you may get lucky and 'catch' them emptying it, but that isn't toilet training in the proper sense of them being aware and in control if the function.

FrustratedSycamoresRocks Sun 03-Mar-13 21:36:24

As long as the child is toilet trained before they start school, (SN and medical reasons aside) I personally don't see the problem with waiting until they were ready. I wouldn't bat an eyelid at a 2.5yo in nappies.

akaemmafrost Sun 03-Mar-13 21:38:03

Yes I am interested in what the "ishooooes" are too?

Helspopje Sun 03-Mar-13 21:51:11

it doesnt necessarily take an age when training early - my DD went into pants at 1y9m with a pull up for daytime sleep and a nappy at night. pullup went at her birthday and still wondering when to bite the bullet re. overnights (2y7m). did the gina in a week method - took 3-4 days.

FWIW she had horrific nappy rash regularly despite all manner of prescription barrier creams and frequent changes so we had a huge incentive to get her out of nappies.

Badvoc Sun 03-Mar-13 21:56:08

Both of mine were nearly 3.
Ds1 was dry by day within one day and ds2 managed to be dry day and night in a week.
Don't stress.
Wait til summer when she can run around without a nappy on.
Good luck x

Badvoc Sun 03-Mar-13 21:58:12

11 months!?
Is that a joke?
Basic child physiology tells us that a child is simply incapable of controlling either sphincter until past 18 months.
By all means sit them on a potty and read to them, but they might as well be on a comfy chair!

5madthings Sun 03-Mar-13 21:58:25

No its doesn't necessarily take an age if done early ds1 trained at 18mths, but if a child is ready it won't take ages. But they have to be ready and it us related to neurological development and bit something you can force, some are ready earlier but others are not. I have had one train at 18mths and one at 3 yes 5mths, both trained in a few days and both are normal.

MidnightMasquerader Sun 03-Mar-13 22:06:06

Exactly 5mad - it doesn't necessarily take ages when you do it early. DD turned 2 and it happened in under a week.

The point was - she was ready, which is why it happened so quickly. But all children will be ready at different ages.

brettgirl2 Sun 03-Mar-13 22:07:08

That an 11 month old cannot control their bladder is nonsense. Newborns choose to wee when you take nappy off we train them to go in nappies! Mine is 13 months and can certainly control her bladder, as she deliberately wees and poos on potty......not that she's ready to go nappy free grin. My reason for putting her on potty early was my experience of my first daughter and poo withholding.

5madthings Sun 03-Mar-13 22:08:59
Badvoc Sun 03-Mar-13 22:09:31

I think the fact babies wee when your take their nappy off is that the pressure from the securely done up nappy is then released, but will agree to disagree.

piprabbit Sun 03-Mar-13 22:13:12

My DD was potty trained by 18 months. But my DS chose to continue using nappies until he was 3.5yo (definitely his choice - he told me he would stop using nappies when he went into Nursery class and he did).

At best parents can gently persuade, but you can't work against your child's natural preferences, development and personality.

5madthings Sun 03-Mar-13 22:15:00

Yes its pressure and also temperature change, partly reflex. A baby hadn't got control if their muscles to 'hold' in a wee. So if theory need to we they wee when their bladder us full and as little babies that is frequently, apparently the amount if urine a bladder can hokdis related to their age/size.

There is lots about iuf you Google.

Yes you can do deli inaction communication with younger babies but that is nit training in the sense if them being award of needing to go, being able to'hold' it and then wee/poo when they choose to in a potty/toilet.

5madthings Sun 03-Mar-13 22:15:42

Ha ha at deli inaction?! Bloody auto correct! Elimination communication it should say!

Kiwiinkits Sun 03-Mar-13 22:29:34

I think poo withholding is one of the 'isshoooes'

Having a toddler deliberately poo in his nappy is just wrong and has potential to become a bit degrading, I think. Why not teach him how to do it properly, like using a fork.

MajaBiene Sun 03-Mar-13 22:33:16

Kiwi, I think you are right about the "degrading" thing. I find it quite degrading for the child when you are changing the nappy of a walking, talking almost 3 year old. IME (in nursery) children who are trained nearer 2 do it with no problems, those that are 3+ seem to have a lot more issues with withholding, not wanting to use the toilets, only pooing in nappies, getting stressed by the whole thing. That's just my experience though, I'm sure some kids do train in a few days at 3+.

BeaWheesht Sun 03-Mar-13 22:50:37

<backs away slowly>

gets a bit depressed that my most successful thread to date is about toddler wee and poo and think it might say something about my life

MiaSparrow Sun 03-Mar-13 23:19:16

How silly! Of course not. Maybe the nurse was saying it to your DD in a flippant way to try and encourage her to be a 'big girl', like people do. She probably remarks on the over one's for example still on bottles... 'Oh you're not a baby are you?' Could it have been that kind of thing?

DD's just two and she may well be ready but I'm jolly well leaving it to the summer.

Have been talking to my old mum about it and she says I started at 2.6ish and it only took a week so I'm hoping my DD will be the same.

I do think some older people remember things differently when it comes to infants' development (although that's no excuse for a nurse!)

akaemmafrost Sun 03-Mar-13 23:24:40

It appears from this thread though that MOST kids who train at 3+ do it in a couple of days though confused. I don't think I have read a single post about issues arising from "late" toilet training. You'd think on such a thread, there would be a few of those kinds of stories wouldn't you?

Startail Sun 03-Mar-13 23:27:03

Both mine were two and nine months, I know exactly because they had to be for preschool (12 and 15, they now have to be more relaxed).

We were in the USA in other people's cars up to the day DD1 started preschool, so she'd had pull ups on.

I did a lot of finger crossing the first few weeks.

MidnightMasquerader Mon 04-Mar-13 02:32:21

The idea that it's 'degrading' is pure projection, because adults imaginging themselves in the scenario would feel 'degraded'. Adults have had a lifetime of toileting being something you do in private behind closed doors, and have learnt that poo and wee is not nice.

Children still in nappies - as we all know full well - couldn't give too hoots about it. They don't feel 'degraded' as they know no different.

Amusing what lengths some posters on this thread are now going to, to make people fee bad. Why, I have to wonder?!

ChristmasJubilee Mon 04-Mar-13 15:35:59

Ds 1 was "trained" at just over 2. Well except for a couple of poo's in the garden and one on the doorstep (witnessed by the posh neighbours). Oh yes, he had a few wee accidents on people's settees, in cars, every time he dozed off and in the supermarket at most visits. So not really trained at all but so many people said he shouldn't be in nappies that I believed them.

I left ds 2 in nappies a bit longer and he did it himself at 2.6, day and night, no accidents.

Ds3 - we had several attempts before his 3rd birthday with no success. Both myself and my very experienced childminder knew he wasn't ready. He started nursery at 3.2 yrs in pull ups and was clean and dry a month later. He is still in pull ups at night at 6.8 yrs. They are all different.

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