Ds5 insistent requests and pinching of bad food.

(47 Posts)
cupcake78 Thu 24-Jan-13 07:03:21

I don't know how to handle this now. Ds is getting into terrible habits of bad food eating.

I do restrict foods like sweets and crisps but they are far from banned.

This morning he snuck downstairs and came upstairs with an ice cream out the freezer for breakfast. It was obviously returned fast with many tears and tantrums and toast and jam was provided instead. He seems to be doing this more and more.

We put naughty foods out of reach as he will just eat that. All he wants is sausage rolls, crisps and other things I class as rubbish. He will not eat homemade foods (every tea is homemade) and his tantrums are getting worse.

I can't see where I'm going wrong. Can you help?

TanteRose Thu 24-Jan-13 07:07:09

stop buying crisps, sausage rolls and ice cream

stop calling them naughty foods

its just a phase

TanteRose Thu 24-Jan-13 07:08:26

alternatively, just let him eat what he wants for a while

its just a phase

Please stop calling food naughty and bad.
There's no naughty food. If you don't want him helping himself, don't buy it and have it accessible.
But don't set up negative associations with food by calling it naughty.

And WRT dinner, cook what you want. Give it to him. If he doesn't eat it, he will be hungry.
Putting "naughty" food where he can't reach it but he knows it is there is going to cause a battle isn't it?

SavoyCabbage Thu 24-Jan-13 07:11:47

Just get rid of it all. Or hide it better.

I don't let my dc help themselves to any food as I am strict as hell. grin You could put a fruit bowl on the table so he can help himself to fruit if he is hungry.

I set my table for breakfast before I go to bed (because I am shit at mornings, not because I am from the 50's) so there is cereal (two choices only, weetabix and one other) and then butter, jam, vegemite, peanut butter and the dc do their own breakfasts.

I think you need to stop thinking of some foods as bad or naughty.

I would just say 'no you can't have any xyz because we haven't got any but it's dinner time in an hour. We are having pasta. Why don't you play with your farm until its ready'

cupcake78 Thu 24-Jan-13 07:12:20

I don't call them naughty foods to him, I explain they are bad for him.

We tried that for about 4 weeks. There is always fruit, yogurts and cheese for him that he can get to but he refuses them and then we get hours and hours of crying and sleepless nights because he's so hungry.

cupcake78 Thu 24-Jan-13 07:13:51

By that I mean not having them in the house.

SavoyCabbage Thu 24-Jan-13 07:16:08

I would power through in that case. Just give him three meals a day. Nothing else at all. He might not be hungry enough at meal times to eat them.

I have a friend like this whose ds snacks away and then she is baffled when he doesn't eat the delicious meal she has made. The poor lad is full before it hits the table.

Or

Get rid of all the unhealthy food and let him graze whenever he wants.

But how is he supposed to understand the food is bad for him but you still have it in the house and you still let him eat it if he doesn't eat his dinner?

Don't keep it in the house. Have stuff you are happy for him to eat. And that's it. He will not starve himself.

TanteRose Thu 24-Jan-13 07:24:25

"I explain they are bad for him"

no they aren't - ice cream is quite nutritious, and can be a perfect food for when children are ill etc. As are ice lollies - good source of rehyradration

sausage rolls - again in moderation, nothing wrong with them

what does he typically eat in a day?

cupcake78 Thu 24-Jan-13 07:26:07

I tell him it's ok to have a few times a week but not every day/meal time. Am I expecting too much of him? I don't want to ban it as that's what happened to me when I was little and later I had a bad relationship with food as a result.

I'm going to have to try and get better at this. I'm sure some of the problem has come from my terrible morning sickness making it almost impossible for me to cook for months. So foods i could make have been restricted. I'm coming out of that now so need to put more effort into his tea times. I still can't stand garlic, onions, leeks and spices yet ds loves curry.

Lynned Thu 24-Jan-13 07:26:44

My Ds would eat crisps, biscuits all day if he could. Now we have a rule ( only one bag of crisps a day) every time he has crap food, he has to have a piece of fruit too. The little boxes of raisins are considered a treat by him too!

How old is he?

Ah is he 5 or your 5th child?

MrsMushroom Thu 24-Jan-13 07:35:02

Could it be that what he's hving for breakfast, lunch etc isn't filling him? If he's saying he's hungry a lot....can I ask what a typical meal is for him in the morning and for lunch?

I know what its like, neither of my DDs will leave the freezer alone if there is icecream in it....now I don't buy it except rarely....and then it;s a small box which is enough for everyone to have one.

I never bu crisps....they're nice of course but noboduy needs them....when we go shops they don't get sweets every time either.

A treat in our house is more likely a hoomemade cake or muffin and sometimes chocolate which I figure is more like a whole food than sweets or crisps.

Smudging Thu 24-Jan-13 07:39:49

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cupcake78 Thu 24-Jan-13 07:42:49

He will have toast and jam or cereal in a morning for breakfast.

School dinner

He comes in from school starving and this is when it all began! It has since escalated to constant from the moment he is awake.

I try to have a homemade cake or scones in for him for after school and get him to help so he will eat it.

He drinks loads of milk, which is really good! He loves crisps and would happily eat sausage rolls, crisps, raw carrots, olives and a babybell cheese for his tea. A pudding of some sort, usually a creme caramel, mousse, mince pie, custard. I do give him this 3 nights a week especially if dh and I are having something I know ds really doesn't like, not just being fussy. It's kind of a compromise with aim if getting him to be less fussy.

I've tried getting him to help cook tea but he still refuses it. We've done the whole if you don't want it now we can keep it till your ready to eat, that doesn't work.

He then starts with constant requests for more pudding, sweets, crisps etc. to the point of insanity, screaming shouting and fits. I stand firm with if your still hungry you can have some fruit, yogurt, cheese and crackers, cereal, toast etc. this has been going on since he started school in sept and he is still not bored with it! We are. We've done naughty step, early bedtime, no story, ignoring etc to try and stop the tantrums. It hasn't worked!

He refuses all and his behaviour gets worse and worse, until its bedtime of dh gets in from work and then ds starts on him!

Every night bedtime is followed by but I'm hungry, we did give him something but fast learnt it was to delay bedtime so that's stopped.

TanteRose Thu 24-Jan-13 07:43:58

another thought - is he getting enough protein?

you say he had toast and jam for breakfast. It might be better to give him a boiled egg, or some cheese on toast etc.

if he is constantly saying he is hungry, he may need more protein in his diet.

I appreciate that if you are pregnant with morning sickness etc. it will be hard to cook.

can your DS's dad step up and cook a few meals?

GreatUncleEddie Thu 24-Jan-13 07:46:08

In that case I would stop buying the stuff you don't want him to have. Totally stop. You'll only need to for a few weeks.

TanteRose Thu 24-Jan-13 07:48:41

you say he drinks loads of milk - be careful. This could be filling him up too, so he doesn't eat much food.

"Loads" of anything is not particularly good...whatever it is.

again, look at his protein intake

MrsMushroom Thu 24-Jan-13 07:49:13

HE sounds like he's not getting enough solid food really...his tea needs to be ready when he gets in,

I've learned that the hard way! I now make sure something is almost cooked or can be heated up within 5 mins when we get back from school.

If he's having such a snacky tea, he will feel hungry and nag....he's getting a shot of sugar off the pudding and a fast carb upload from the sausage rolls etc.

I know it's a mare but get rid of all the snack foods...no sausage rollls no crisps or babybels no caamel mousse.

I make faces out of DDs tea....it does help...she''s almost 5 and a fussy eater. If she does not eat her tea then there's nothing but fruit, crackers and cheese (off a block not a babybel) on offer.

She's learned this now and while she still does not eat all her tea, all the time neither is she filling up on empty calories which is how weight problems start.

cupcake78 Thu 24-Jan-13 07:50:28

He's practically vegetarian, it's just the way he is. We tried peanut butter on bagel for breakfast. He didnt eat it. He eats at least two slices of toast and drinks a full large glass of milk for breakfast.

At school he eats fruit or veg as a snack and eats the dinners except mash, he hates it! Pudding is never an issue. He will also eat different foods at grandparents houses etc.

At home he is a pain. He's always been fussy but its just getting worse not better.

MrsMushroom Thu 24-Jan-13 07:50:51

I agree with Tante protein is what makes you feel "full" Does he like omlette? Scrambled egg?

A quick tea should be something ike that rather than crisps etc....he needs a portion of protein at tea time. How is he with meat?

MrsMushroom Thu 24-Jan-13 07:54:05

x posts....my DD is also practicaly vegitarian. The breakfast is'n't great but it's something.....I reay think you might have to get tough and stop buying his snack type foods.

Beans on a baked potato would be a good tea especially with some salad or other greens....I do a pasta bake with lots of pulses hidden inside and DD doesn't know they're there.

cupcake78 Thu 24-Jan-13 07:57:20

So I'm going to try and have a tea nearly ready for when we get in from school. The protein issue it tricky, he doesn't eat enough of it as he will only eat sausages (high in salt and fat) only eat babybell and gets sick of eggs. He won't eat baked beans either. He won't eat cooked cheese or any type.

He will eat homemade soup, maybe I need to always have some soup?

cupcake78 Thu 24-Jan-13 07:58:45

He won't eat potatoes either and he's gone off rice!angry

TanteRose Thu 24-Jan-13 07:58:59

does he eat fish? fish fingers or fishcakes?

what about hummus or something to dip his raw carrots in?

bigTillyMint Thu 24-Jan-13 08:00:31

*At school he eats fruit or veg as a snack and eats the dinners except mash, he hates it! Pudding is never an issue. He will also eat different foods at grandparents houses etc.
At home he is a pain. He's always been fussy but its just getting worse not better*

He is playing you up!

You need to decide what diet you want him to eat and then stick to it firmly and consistently. If you don't want him to eat sausage rolls, etc, then don't buy them and weather the tantrums till he stops getting his own way.

I would also bet that he's not eating much at lunchtime - my DS used to come in ravenous and GRUMPY after school when he was on school dinners. Turned out he didn't eat much because he didn't really like them (apart from the puds!) and he wanted to get back out for lots of footy. Once he went onto packed lunches and I could make sure he got a properly balanced diet and enough protein/carbs, he was much better. Oh, and a biscuit or something for the moment he emerged from the school door!

GettingObsessive Thu 24-Jan-13 08:07:46

The things you're saying he won't eat sound like goods he's eating happily at school - presumably he doesn't get the same attention over what he's eating there. I would not be happy with "gone off" rice. I wouldn't force a child to eat something they clearly detested, but that doesn't seem to be the case here.

Smudging Thu 24-Jan-13 08:13:22

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Smudging Thu 24-Jan-13 08:15:56

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Chandon Thu 24-Jan-13 08:16:59

Reading between the lines, you need to cut out all the crap food as a family.

If it is nt in the house, if you are not eating it yourself, he cannot have it, can he? No need to keep ice creams, sausage rolls, crisps in the house really.

Chandon Thu 24-Jan-13 08:18:20

Ps, I often give DC a sandwich straight after school, then tea 2hrs later.

No need for scones, cake either.

cupcake78 Thu 24-Jan-13 08:31:28

I hate sausage rolls, he's the only one that eats it. I have the odd bag of crisps but yes your right we buy it for him! That's not good is it.

Thanks for your help, I'm going to have to be more organised and try harder at meal times. I agree with the sandwich after school. That's what I used to get.

It starts from today

RibenaFiend Thu 24-Jan-13 12:54:33

Good luck OP. Stay strong and just go in to it knowing that it's going to be harder for a few days/weeks... Is your DP on board with this? A united front is the only way!

evertonmint Thu 24-Jan-13 13:04:50

Good luck smile I have an almost 5yo, ravenous after a busy day in reception. We have a dew issues at times but he and his 2yo sister eat well enough.A few thoughts on how we manage:

1) no food labelled good or bad. pur message is that all food is acceptable in moderation. It's just that we might be more moderate with ice cream than carrots smile

2) we don't mind sausage rolls or the like, but we buy a very small amount occasionally for a specific meal rather than have them in all the time. E.g. We pick up 4 from the butchers for Saturday lunch rather than just a pack for as and when

3) I cannot stress enough the importance of getting DCs to like eggs! Such quick, cheap protein, even if you buy poshest organic. My kids will have a picky tea once or twice a week, the basis of which is boiled or scrambled egg and wholemeal toast. We then add ham, salad, veg crudités and hummus etc as appropriate. Scrambled or fried egg can be on the table within 5 mins. Genius things are eggs!

4) ours are too young to make sensible choices from the fridge so they are not allowed to help themselves. They ask, we offer choices that are appropriate. E.g. Midway between meals they can have a reasonable snack. Just before meals they can have a few cucumber slices or some frozen peas (I have strange kids!) otherwise DS would get ice cream out every time.

5) pudding is not a given. Some meals they have it, some they don't ands it's offering is slightly arbitrary. So they don't associate it with it bring a treat for finishing their food, not so they think they always get it.

6) sweet foods incl fruit are fine, but only if they are eating reasonable amounts of protein, fat and veg. So if they stop eating those do well we don't fill up on sweet stuff, we focus on getting them back on track with protein etc

7) I don't make food fun enough really - it should be fun - but do try. My kids will eat anything off skewers so I try to do chicken or fish on sticks quite often, or we make mash potato volcanos (mountain of mash with gravy or ketchup lava pouring out if the top). I need more fun ideas though to keep them interested!

8) don't sweat over every meal. Think more about a week at a time - did he get enough protein and veg in over the course of a week rather than worry that one teatime was a bit crap. Makes you less stressed over a bad meal as you can balance it out with the next few.

evertonmint Thu 24-Jan-13 13:08:57

Also you said your DS likes curry - experiment with flavours to keep him interested as maybe done if his good is a bit bland? Cook rice in coconut milk. Do potato wedges with paprika sprinkled on top. Marinade salmon in teriyaki sauce. Make honey-mustard chicken. Sometimes I think our kids don't like things when actually it's because we haven't added much by way of flavourings so they're a bit bored!

evertonmint Thu 24-Jan-13 13:09:46

Some of his food not done of his good grin

Xenia Thu 24-Jan-13 13:15:01

If the foods aren't in the house he cannot eat them. Don't buy them.

Sugar is addictive. Just don't keep it in the house and all will be well.

brettgirl2 Fri 25-Jan-13 21:31:04

I never understand why people keep rubbish in the house 'for the kids'. It leads to bad food habits I think. Crisps, chcolate, ice cream, cakes are in no way banned here but we dont have them in all the time.

If he chooses not to eat healthy food and go to bed hungry that's his problem.

Iggly Fri 25-Jan-13 21:40:20

Would he eat burgers? Home made burgers - you can make them with mince?

My ds goes through phases of not eating much meat beyond meatballs and sausages but I just kept giving him chicken (and fish) and he comes back to it. Chicken pies were a favourite (home made) and roast chicken pieces with roasted new potatoes and veg.

He's also an "always hungry" one. He decided he liked grated cheese again so we give him a small ramekin with grated cheese to sprinkle over meals (where it would go, not with every one) so I could relax a bit.

Also breakfast - toast or ceral wouldn't be enough. We have porridge.

Can you cut down the milk and offer more yogurts instead? Also fruit cut into little pieces seems to go down well with ds if he wants something in the hour before dinner.

cupcake78 Sat 26-Jan-13 19:51:46

He loves homemade meat balls!

Well I've seen a massive improvement in just a few days. He helped me make tea on Thursday night, ate all his veg and some homemade beef pie. Then fruit salad with a bit of Greek yogurt and honey!

He even ate cherry tomatoes and mange toute with mint sauce to dip as a snackshock.

Yesterday he ate homemade chilli con carne made with quorn mince, kidney beans and packed full of veg, brown rice. He ate it after fussing 'i hate rice' etc, but at least he ate some of it.

Today he's had eggs for breakfast home made veg soup and homemade brown bread. Pasta veg and pulses. I gave him ice cream for pudding.

I've kept him busy, not fed him till he's starving and let him help make it. So far so good! Fingers crossed it continues.

evertonmint Sat 26-Jan-13 19:54:06

That's brilliant! Super healthy and varied! Well done you and DS smile

Xenia Sun 27-Jan-13 12:25:05

That sounds brilliant, keep it up.

I have had visitors (children ) here going through my cupboards an dbeing absolutely astounded there is not a single cupboard with sweets, chocolates, sugared drinks, crisps. They just imagine every home in the land has a massive stash of sugar. They think I'm hiding it all but in fact it is just not here as amazingly we can survive and eat well without it.

bigTillyMint Sun 27-Jan-13 13:38:54

Wow! Well Done!

Smudging Sun 27-Jan-13 19:45:45

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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