Mumsnet Talk

Title sums it up. She is very highly strung but does need a lot of sleep. She is anxious about school and we are trying our best to help her relax but in the evening now even at the weekend, I feel like our lives are being entirely controlled by her.

She goes up to bed at 7 and I read to her for half an hour, she then has relaxing tapes or can look at books quietly or play or listen to story tapes until about 8 if she isn't tired. Usually she just chooses to get into bed, we warm up her cosy horse, give her a drink etc. And then she bellows about 5 minutes later, and says "I can't sleep." And I give her a hug and say don't worry about sleep, listen to the music etc etc and that I'll be up after we've eaten to check on her (she hates being alone and is very dependent on me - always has been like this)>

And so it goes on, until about 9.30 she finally gives in. By this time me and DH are bad tempered and we also know that she will be exhausted the next day - which she is - but still goes through the same process the next evening until she is completely crazy with exhaustion by the end of the week!

Last week, because she had a cold, I gave her medised - she dropped off easily and was a different child in the morning. Stopped giving it to her now she is better and we are back to square one. Don't want to leave her shouting because dd2 is next door.

What should I be doing?

My DD tries to fight bedtime every so often. The most successful (although not foolproof) approach that I've found is to respond to DDs calls the first couple of times - taking the chance to double check that she doesn't need a wee, or a drink etc. On the third visit I say 'It's time to go to sleep now. I don't expect to hear another peep out of you, if I do then [insert relevant consequence]. I will come and check on you in 15 minutes.' I use quite stern tone of voice.

She is usually asleep when I pop back after 15 minutes. Sometimes she isn't and I just whisper 'night night, I'll pop back soon' and then give it another 15 minutes.

Once your DD has the message that you are serious about the consequences and about her not calling out but that you are around keeping an eye on her, she will hopefully settle more quickly.

Thanks very much. Definitely a subtle difference in your approach in that you are taking control of the situation yourself. Will try it!

if you are not asleep in 15 mins - every minute is deducted from tomorrows bedtime

piprabbit - we do exactly the same with ds2!
lara - it really does work. We tell him we've got to go and tidy up/sort dinner out or similar and we'll check on him again shortly and after we've done whatever we needed to do, we leave it a little while longer, just to make sure and then when we go up, he's always asleep and if not we repeat our plan. Pretty much word for word with pip!!
Try it!

Thanks very much. Custardo, don't know - I think she generally has problems winding down but is playing on them quite a lot now-
I think I will stick with the 15 minute approach which I am trying out as I type!

7 is early to start the routine to me.

I would have bath at 7.30, and try to have her have her asleep by 8, without all the fannying around.

No child needs half an hours story time then more story tapes then a drink. That last bit should take about 10 minutes IMO.

Try some Marjoram oil on her pillow. That used to knock ds out

I used to have this problem with ds (5). He would keep coming down stairs for spurious reasons and then refuse to go back to bed. I found that a couple of nights ignoring him did the trick. He would sit on the sofa until he fell asleep and I'd carry him upstairs. He soon learnt that (a) the sofa was not as comfortable as his bed and (b) mummy really doesn't do anything interesting after he has gone to bed.

I had a similar problem with my 6 yr old - so we tried the following>

We made lavander (sp?) bags together - gave some to friends and grandparents but also made a special one for her to have hung from her bedpost. It seemed to help even if it was just the pacebo effect! I top it up with a few drops of oil every few days.

She goes up to bed at 7 (same time as her younger brother) and is given ine short story. She is told she can play her DS or read or colur/draw etc until 7.30 and then we come up and put away whatever she is doing - she is then given 10 minutes to have a wee, sort out her teddies/dollies for bed and then its lights out. At its worst we did a reward system wherebey if she stayed in bed and didnt come down etc for a week (mon-fri) then she got a treat at the weekend. This was usually something of her choosing and was often being taken to costa coffee for a hot choc and muffin ! (so a treat for me too!)