Mumsnet Talk

dd is nearly 3, has been very articulate from an early age and seems very happy and content both at home and nursery. We have the odd tantrum as you'd expect but she's generally pretty well-behaved (main problem is contrariness - she will argue with me about anything!)

But I'm getting a bit worried because while she'll play happily on her own, she doesn't seem to form friendships/attachments like the other children at nursery do - they seem to interact with each other and play together but she'll usually be off on her own, happily doing her own thing - is this normal for her age?

She rarely talks about other children unless I prompt her. And while she can be very chatty and affectionate at home, it can often be really hard to get her attention. Its like she is off in her own little world most of the time. Often I can't get any response from her unless I act a part in the fantasy of the minute (I might have to be a bird, or a pirate, or a....) and these fantasies will last HOURS.

When I get down to her level and try to look her in the eye, it can be very hard to get her to look at me and listen - I can see her attention sliding away all the time, like her mind is always racing and on other things.

So.... normal toddler behaviour or should I worry?

I think they start playing with other children around 3, 3.5, so she is not in advance emotionally but not late either. My niece is living in her own world of fantasy as well, and excludes everybody who doesn't fit in, it seems to be very difficult for other children to get in her play mainly because she will have tantrums if they don't follow her rules (which by the way are impossible to follow). I guess it is probably the same with your daughter and that's why she is playing alone. My niece is almost 4 now and it seems to get better (i.e. she begins to understand that she is not the boss all the time, she can't control other people imagination and it is fun to play with other children too)
DD is nearly 5, always been very sociable with any child or adult, but I can't still get her attention unless she wants to (not often! )
I don't think there is anything to worry for the moment your DD is not even 3, she still have a lot to learn on social behavior. Is your nursery staffs at all worried about her? Some of us are loners, and there is not much you can do about it. It would probably help if you can get a freind,( may be a bit older than her, so a bit more patient) to play from time to time. doesn't matter if at the beginning to play side by side rather than together.

Thanks mamaloco

Nursery staff not worried particularly. She's in the 3-5 room so hopefully she'll learn to join in a bit over time!

I too don't think there's a problem at your DD's age. I have the same with DD who is now 3.7 -in fact, I could almost have written your post - and I am doing my best not to worry... (At least my DD has an attachment to her brother.)