Mumsnet Talk

My 3-yr old has been waking regularly at night since the summer (any time between 1am and 4am) and is v hard to settle back into his bed. Occasionally he plays ball but at other times I have to get into bed with him, wait until he has dropped off (which can take ages) and then return to my own bed. Don't want to get him into the habit of sleeping with us but I want a more-or-less guaranteed night's sleep. He responds sporadically to threats and bribes but I'm running out of ideas - help!

Hi,
I used to have a similar problem with my youngest dd and we sorted it by getting into bed with her at bed time and pretending to go to sleep. We didnt know why she kept waking during the night but thought there was some insecurity somewhere. We did this for a few nights and it was sorted as daughter went to sleep knowing that mummy or daddy was in bed with her. You can try this and once your child is asleep creep out. Also, is it possible your child is waking for the toilet? If so, limit the amount of liquid in take before bed time and get them to go to the loo before retiring. Good luck.

I'm mean. At 3 he is old enough to know that night time is for sleeping. If DS (3.7) wakes he has to go back to sleep in his bed (if he's poorly or is genuinely upset) it's a bit different.

Is he upset Libby, or just awake? Is he over tired in the day because of it? Does he still nap in the day?

Just keep putting him back in his bed with no fuss. Don't speak to him, turn on too many lights, cuddle him, or give him a drink. You may have a few nights of incessant putting him back, but it will work. If you let him into your bed, this will be a very difficult habit to break.

We did the same as JanJanJanJan.

if it's disturbing your own sleep, have you considered putting a camp bed in his room so you can at least be comfy while you are reassuring him? my ds is 6 and we still go in to sleep with him if he is worried about something or wants us
it doesn't do any harm and it's nice for little ones to feel safe and loved during the night as well as during the day
sometimes they need a bit of extra company - not many adults like sleeping alone either - we ask a lot of them when they are only little

Hi Libby We are struggling with DD too - she is 3 as well!

Can we join forces to get advice

Having been an awful sleeper as a baby we finally got her into a great routine - no naps, bed at 7.30, read her a few books then walk away and she would be asleep in minutes and sleep until 7am. That lasted 6 months.

Then she got poorly, just a cold but it was enough to start the "rot" it started with her not wanting us to leave the room at bed time then she started waking up between 1 and 4 and crying until I go in then she insists on getting in with us. ARGGH. Occasionally it is quite nice but when DH de-camps to the spare room every night I am beginning to really hate it!

We had a talk today wich ended in me promising a special treat if she sleeps well tonight, if it works I will get a reward chart and try that.

Does he have any music and/or a light in his room?

Dd has very relaxing music playing all night, and one of those lumilove lights which switches colours all night.

i don't really agree with reward charts or treats for sleeping 'well' - it isn't usually something the child has any control over, and will just add to their distress and anxiety if they can't manage to earn the star or the reward

think about times you have had trouble sleeping - what would have helped? would someone offering you a prize in the morning if you managed to sleep ok, have made the slightest bit of difference?

Thanks for all your responses - I like the idea of music playing in his room all night. He shares with his brother who is prone to nightmares, so this might help him too. There is a night light out on the landing, which I think is enough on the light front. Could try lying beside him til he drops off at night - this is usually v quick as then big brother comes downstairs for his "golden time", ie time with us when little one is asleep! Any other ideas welcome! Am happy to join forces with Callmeovercautious too .

I know I must be being stupid, but what does all this dd, ds1 stuff mean? I mean, I know I can hazard a guess, but it's frustrating not to know for sure!

DD Dear or darling daughter
DS Dear or darling son
DS1 first son
DD2 2nd daughter

etc etc

Thanks Libby

F&Z has a point, and I suppose that is definately my usual attitude but I am at the end of my rope She still slept badly anyway so bribary didn't work anyway.

I am going to give it another few days and see how we get on. Hope your night is peaceful Libby.

I'm with franny on this as sleep's hard for some kids. We put a camping mattress in ds's room - it's gone now, but was there for a long ol' while. Really helped as he was a lousy sleeper and often woke in the night genuinely upset. We found it broke the cycle, as he started feeling less anxious, so woke less often. Now he still wakes a couple of times a night, but I rarely have to stay with him. Usually a quick cuddle and he's okay. Sometimes when he's going to sleep and it's taking an age I put an audio book on for him - always one he knows well and crucially one with no scary bits..

LibbyG1,
At the top of your mumsnet page, there are a list of things - one being "Acronyms". If you have a look you will see what all of the meanings are.

I have heard that between 2 & 3 yrs LO's can go through another stage of separation anxiety. Doesn't specifically help I know but it's nice to know we're not alone. I am going to try the Bach flower remedy Mimulus which is good for fears (you can buy them in Boots) and will report back. I find the Rescue Remedy really good so worth a crack I reckon...

Thanks for explaining the acronyms and pointing me to where I can find all the others .... duh.

Had a good nite with DS2 last night and the night before he settled well after being put back to bed. We'll see. Have contacted my health visitor and she has a "sleep pack" to give me. There may be some extra ideas in there. I'm not going to bother with the camp bed. DS1 sleeps in same room as DS2 so I think 3 will literally be a crowd, ie no room to move ...

Callmeovercautious, let me know if you are seeing any improvements. I agree about bribery etc - it never works for long!

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It seems that no-one has an answer to this Libby. Not much luck with the flower remedies here... i'm getting a bit tired of it all tbh just want a week of decent sleep, is that too much to ask!

Hi SarfEasticated - we seem to have some success over the last few nights. The staff at DS2's pre-school are on board and make sure he is praised when he sleeps in his bed all night. They give him a badge to wear and have suggested a sticker book at the pre-school where he has to build up a few before being given a reward - presumably not of the toy variety, but a measure of new responsibility or something like that. Fingers crossed we may be turning a corner. Also, at home, he gets to do something as simple as wear the PJs of his choice and this seems to be having an effect ... so far! Good luck!

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