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Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Behaviour/development

When to start saying no?

26 replies

angie0201 · 15/06/2005 22:01

Hi was just wondering when you should start saying no to your child DD id 5 months don't wanna start too early but then again don't wanna leave it too late

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helsi · 15/06/2005 22:02

sooner rather than later - what is stopping you?

if they are doing something they shouldn't then they need to know.

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Bellie · 15/06/2005 22:03

angie I am saying no to dd and she is 7.5months - she is crawling and insists on trying to eat shoes .
Not sure she understands but saying no and removing the object is the only way I can think of trying to make her understand. I am also trying to teach her signs and make sure that I do the sign for no each time.

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NannyJo · 15/06/2005 22:03

should twchnically never say no to a child but explain what is right and what is wrong but in reality no works well too. start when you want to just to guide them but don't use a harsh tone with it that would frighten them

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Miaou · 15/06/2005 22:08

Agree - as soon as they start doing things you don't want them to, introduce them to the word no. Blu made a good point on another thread - very simple language, eg "no - hot", or "no - nasty", and as NannyJo says, in a voice that won't frighten them.

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Jimjams · 15/06/2005 22:58

telling a child with limited language what to do rather than what not to do tends to work better. (come here, get down, come away etc). Avoid "don't nani nani" as they'll just hear "nani nani" being able to decode don't comes later thant being able to decode nani nani iyswim.

(I'm not worried about psychological effects of no- I just have a 6 year old with very veyr limited language and understanding, and avoiding no and don't etc was one of the most useful tips given to me)

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soapbox · 15/06/2005 23:07

Saying no is a really bad idea IMHO

It will become a totally overused word and hold no meaning for the child.

The best method at most ages is distraction. Save head to head situations for when you really have to make a point, i.e. something life threateningly dangerous.

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Flossam · 15/06/2005 23:10

Soapbox, shouldn't that be little meaning??!!

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soapbox · 15/06/2005 23:11

You're on the ball tonight Floss

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Flossam · 15/06/2005 23:12

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weesaidie · 15/06/2005 23:40

My dd is 14 months and still seems to have no idea what I mean when I say no! Is she ignoring me already???

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ScrewballMuppet · 15/06/2005 23:42

You say NO as soon as they do something wrong. Unfortunately Weesaidie you have to repeat it a gazillion times before it is taken in.

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weesaidie · 15/06/2005 23:54

Thanks SM! I will keep trying!

No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no NO!

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ScrewballMuppet · 15/06/2005 23:56

LOL

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weesaidie · 15/06/2005 23:59

Hee hee. Honestly it is so frustrating! She will wander over to turn to TV off (or similar) and I'll say 'no!' and she will turn around and smile at me... not quite the reaction I am looking for!

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Jimjams · 16/06/2005 09:06

try saying "come away" or "come here" weesaidie - you might be surprised by her response.

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angie0201 · 16/06/2005 20:19

thanks all for the advice. i am a trained Nursery nurse so i do realise in theory you should never use negitive language with a child. remember when i first trained and a little boy hit another and its so hard to say no you dont do that instead you have to say how it made the other little boy sad etc Had little if not no exp with babies so was just wondering how to go about it thanks

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compo · 16/06/2005 20:21

I really think 5 months old is a bit early for them to be understanding no though. My ds is the same as weesadie's

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angie0201 · 16/06/2005 20:26

yeah i think you are right i mean its not like she is crawling or getting in mischeif yet. think i will sit back and relax and enjoy her being a babe, its so hard though with your first you just so want to get it right!

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dot1 · 16/06/2005 22:09

we started saying 'no' when ds's started to be on the move - which for ds1 was about 6 months, and for ds2 about 8 months. We'd use clear and firm 'no's if they were crawling towards something dodgy - the fire/plugs/etc but also then distract them - ask them to come to you, or just pick them up and plonk them somewhere else. Ds2 is 14 months now and completely understands what 'no' means - doesn't mean to say he stops what he's doing though..!

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Chuffed · 17/06/2005 10:45

dd is 14mths and we have tried not to use the word no much at all as I really don't want a 'no' touting child back at me. The only time we have used no is when she touches electrical plugs in say a hotel. For hot oven we say hot in a similar voice as we would say no. Otherwise we try to tell her what to do or what will happen. Sometimes she does ignore us but I just repeat and remove her if I have to.

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Donbean · 17/06/2005 11:14

I TRY my hardest to use alternative language.
For example, i seem to say "no dont..." alot.
What i try to say is instead of "no dont throw your spoon" i say " hold onto your spoon, or put your spoon there"
I am very conscious of always saying negative stuff.
I have found that by just simplifying matters helps 200000%. I just move things. my book shelves resemble a second hand shop with every thing piled on them but it just stops the issue before it can become an issue.
It is so so so difficult to manage (IMHO) this discipline thing.
Good luck and HTH.

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Donbean · 17/06/2005 11:15

Just to add my ds is a toddler so obviously this works when they are older and not when they are babies IYSWIM

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angie0201 · 17/06/2005 20:54

displine is a hard one i am just so aware of getting it right have been around children in the nursery i work in that have no idea what displine is and they are so disruptive just dont want DD to get like that

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funkyfish · 17/06/2005 21:08

My feeling is that saying 'no' is not a big deal. It is a simple word that is quickly and easily associated with 'wrong' behaviour and so gets the message across. Tone of voice and context are everything of course, as well as eye contact and expression.

I would teach parents to try distraction techniques - such as starting an enticing game or song or activity of some kind 9apply according to age, etc.)

If in a dangerous situation 'no!' and instant removal is the only way to go I think.

There are other things you can try with older children, but as yours is a tiny babe I would stick with distraction and a keyword that means (or even IS) 'No!'

If you suffer the common and understandable parental hang up about the 'no' word then make it 'yikes!' or 'sausages' or something - said with meaning!

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debs26 · 17/06/2005 21:16

say it as soon as you need to - just expect them to ignore you. ds3 is just 1 and definately understands - we say no and wag a finger at him and when ever he goes for something he shouldnt he sits there and wags his finger first

if they are going for something dangerous you use a completely different tone of voice without even thinking and they pick up on that and know its different so they wont ignore you all the time, just when you tell them no and they are after the biscuit tin, remote control, etc...