Potty training and regression

[Goddard]

Help please someone! My little boy is 2 3/4 and I followed the Gina Ford's Potty Training in 1 week and although stressful was successful after 10 days! Now a month later he has started having several accidents each day and now won't even say when he needs to go, he just does it in his big boy pants! Most of the time he is engrossed in somthing but sometimes I ask him if he needs to go and he says no and then pees himself a minute later! I have the feeling that he's being lazy and just does not want to be bothered to go to the potty/toilet, but I'm finding it so frustrating because I know that he does know when he needs to go and understands where he has to do it since we were successful for almost a month but he just seems to have decided that he doesn't want to do it any more! I know all the books say that positive reinforcement is best but there are of course times when I just can't help but yell at him. I'm pretty certain that he doesn't have a urine infection and nothing else has changed that could explain this regression. What I'd like to know is how to get back on track? Should I remind/tell him every hour to go to the potty like I did right at the beginning or should I just go cold turkey and tell him that he's a big boy and that he has to decide himself when to go to the potty/toilet and Mommy's not going to remind him and expect to go through many nightmare days with loads of accidents but hopefully with a positive result at the end??? Ideas please!!!!!!!!

[runragged]

Potty training is certainly something that is going to try your patience and any one who tells you any different is probably a saint! Firstly regression is absolutely normal, my dd was dry for a month and then all of a sudden totally incontinent for two months. I think that in the end I guilted her out of it by having lots of stategically placed conversations with friends and on the phone, such as - " She was doing really well and I was thinking she was a really big grown up girl but she wees everywhere so must still be a baby" you know that sort of thing.

• Have you tried going naked again (him not you!), perhaps if he can see what is happening he might want to start using the potty again.
  
• What about him standing up "like daddy"? That has worked for a few of my friends
  
• If he is talking well you could ask him if he wants to be a big boy like *(friend) or a baby and wear nappys.
  As he is 2 3/4 if you make a big thing of it he could use it to manipulate you. Of all my friends the ones who have had the most trouble are those that get frustrated with it. When dd has an accident I just change her and sound disappointed but not really interested. Also he isn't too old and if he doesn't want to do it and you are feeling stressed perhaps put him back into nappys and wait a few weeks until you are ready to start again.
  Hope this helps, at the end of the day just remember that no children go to school in nappies so you will get there!

[Sabbath]

My ds is now 3 and 3mths. I ask him if he needs a wee, he says no and then a minute later does it in his pants. He wants to wear pants and likes being a big boy, so i know exactly what you are going through at the moment, although my ds hasn't gone back we are just starting really. The strange thing with me is that he is perfect at nursery school and i am expecting to fine a bag of wet pants and trousers, but no, he is in the same pair i put on him before we went. It is frustrating, and you do end up yelling, especially when they have done it practically all day, I think then you are undecided on whether you have done the right thing, what i mean is that i doubt my descision to potty train him and start thinking whether this was the right time. But he is over 3 now, and i know he can do it, it is lazyness on most of his part or he leaves it too late. All i can say is bear with it, if he done if for a month and was ok, maybe you just need to do what you did at the beginning, maybe the novelty has worn off of it? You are not the only one, and hope you can find a solution to it, keep us informed on how things go. Try to be positive and perservere with things. Sorry not much help, but at least you know that there is also someone else in the same situation at the moment.

[Jimjams]

err dunno runragged- my ds1 (4) starts school in September and I have a horrible feeling he will be going in nappies.....

Sabbath ds1 is the same. He has been wearing pants to nursery for about 6 months. He goes 4 mornings a week. In that time we've had about 3 accidents. They can't help with training there as he totally refuses to go there.

Goddard I've just decided to put him in pants whenever we are home and mop up after him. I've been doing a lot of mopping. He does now tell me as soon as he starts weeing, so I guess he'll get there. And we did get a poo on the toilet today.

So no help- I've tried so many different methods and none have worked. Just don't get stressed about it- no point.

[Holly02]

Goddard - I know this goes against most of the potty training advice out there, but... I posted about potty training regression about a month ago because my son (who will be 3 in several weeks' time) started pooing in his undies all of a sudden instead of the potty, and he KNEW he wasn't supposed to. He's been successfully trained for the last five months and he even goes to the toilet on his own to do a wee (puts the seat up, does a wee, puts the seat down and flushes the toilet) but he just started pooing in his undies for no apparent reason. So I lost it one morning when I asked him if he wanted to do a poo and he said no, and then he did one in his undies a few minutes later while playing with his toys. I told him off, took him in the bathroom and showed him the mess as I was rinsing his undies out in the bath, then banned him from watching tv and playing with his toys for the rest of the morning. It might sound harsh but I wanted to get the message through, and I did tell him several times why I was doing this.

Anyway - it hasn't happened again since. And he doesn't seem in the least bit 'disturbed' about the fact that I got angry about it. He just grabs the potty now and does a poo, or he tells me when he has to go. I friend of mine did the same thing with her son about a year ago and said that it worked for her too. So I don't know, maybe it wouldn't work for everyone but perhaps they learn through realising that there is a consequence? (If they're doing it out of laziness of course). But if there is a physical reason for why they're doing it, it would obviously need to be treated differently. Good luck with everything.

[suedonim]

it's extremely annoying, isn't it??? Have you tried just plonking him on the potty/loo rather than asking him? He might decide that as he's alrerady there, he'll just do a pee so he can go off and play again.

Holly's idea of consequences can work, too. Assuming he doesn't like to wear wet pants, you could tell him he'll have to deal with that sort of accident (obviously, it's different if he has an accident he can't help) himself, and leave a supply of clean pants for him and give him a bucket in which to rinse out the wet ones. Good luck!

[vkr]

Wishing you lots of luck and patience Goddard

[marialuisa]

If DD (2y 3m) is busy she will often be adamant that she doesn't need the loo, needless to say I take her any way when I see that she's fiddling with her trousers. this morning she was shouting that "I said I don't need a wee" whilst "pi**ing like a horse" as DH delicately puts it. I think that it's worth just taking them to the loo if they haven't been for a while, especially if you know they've had a big drink.

[Bozza]

Agree with suedonim and marialuisa. DS will shout "no do a wee" while in mid-stream. I try to get him to sit on the potty before naps, outings etc adn I think he's conditioned to do on when in position IYSWIM.