Shy 2 year old

[gingerbabe]

My ds is 2 1/2 and seems to be getting more and more shy. We recently went on holiday and she didn't want to play with any of the other children, or even talk to them. She just constantly hides behind her teddy. Firstly I'm worried that unless we "lose" her teddy she will never be able to go out without it, and secondly I'm worried about her shyness when other toddlers her age seem to be more outgoing. She is very confident within the family environment and talks loads. Any tips on how to help her get some confidence? I take her to a weekly playgroup but again she doesn't want to interact with other children - she just wants to me to play with her, which is fine, but obviously I won't be there when she starts nursery later this year.

[gingerbabe]

Ooops, I meant dd. Haven't got the hang of this shorthand yet.

[Frenchgirl]

gingerbabe - your dd sounds exactly like mine was at the same age. She is now 3 and 10 months. I used to take her to a weekly playgroup just like you do, where the mums stay, and she would only play with me, which I found frustrating. She eventually, at the end of the year, started to make friends with a little boy, but even then they weren't really playing together. She has always been very comfortable with adults, is very chatty, etc... She started nursery school last september, 4 days a week, and she is now happy to play with the other kids, and no longer afraid of children she doesn't know! She's usually the one who'll talk to them first. However, the change didn't happen overnight. I realised that I shouldn't push her too much towards other kids, and nursery has really worked wonders for her. I have also talked a lot to her teacher who's brilliant, and has been very gentle with her, pushing her slowly but surely towards the others. Please don't worry, as long as she is a happy little girl at home who talks a lot, the confidence of interacting with others will come,in its own time. I hope she has a good teacher who will give her and you confidence. Let us know how it goes!! Good luck.

[NQWWW]

My ds (2 and 3 mo) is very similar - bags of confidence at home, but tends to stand and watch when we go to playgroups etc. I was talking to a kindergarten teacher about it only yesterday - she reckoned this is perfectly normal, and that most kids this age don't actually play together - they may play alongside each other, but real interraction doesn't generally start til later.

Mind you, a while back he went to daycare for 3 days when our nanny was on holiday, and had a whale of a time - perfectly happy to get on with things when I wasn't actually there to cling to.

One thing I'm very sure of is that to push things would have a negative effect - I just try to give him all the support he needs in social situations, so that he doesn't lose confidence.

[gingerbabe]

Thanks for that feedback both of you. I think I worry too much about her being left on her own, or getting bullied when she's older, but I should prob. just chill out a bit and let her develop at her own pace. I think, from what you say, nursery will be good for her and maybe being out of my sight will give her the confidence to just play with other children, instead of clinging to me.

[Hilary]

I have been having the exact same thing with my ds who is also 2 1/2. I started a thread in Behaviour/development about my shy toddler starting nursery in Jan and asking for tips on encouraging him to be more confident. I had some helpful replies - perhaps you should check them out.

It's worrying though sometimes, isn't it? Other children (including his older brother) seem to be so confident in groups whereas my ds would disappear if he could. Like your dd he is loud at home but I wish other people could see this side of him as he is hilarious.

People have been saying he will change as he gets older and be able to cope better with situations like this. Your dd will too, I'm sure.

[Frenchgirl]

nice to hear that gingerbabe, it will happen in its own time as you say.

[whymummy]

hi gingerbabe my dd is just 3 and she was the same,she started nursery 3 months ago and since then shes been a different child she plays with other children, talks to people and even sings in the street wich she never did before,im sure your dd will get more confident when you`re not around

[anais]

Agree with what the others say. Children this age really don't play together.

It's a personality thing - some little ones are outgoing, some aren't. Both of mine unfortunately take after me and are quiet and shy (which was one of the things I so didn't want for them).

I really believe that pushing them to join in is the very worst thing you can do. Just take her places where she can mix if she wants to, and let her see you talking and initiating conversation. She will start mixing when she's ready.

[Ghosty]

I also agree with the others ... my DS was like this until he turned three ... literally on the day of his birthday he began to play properly with other children ...
I think it says somewhere in most of the development books that this is normal.
My DS still is shy ... like his daddy ... but he will play nicely now with children he spends a lot of time with.
I also notice that he plays really nicely with younger children ... follows older children like a lap dog ... and fights with children of his own age .... bizarre ...

[54321]

Let dd know you understand how she feels & just give her lots of encouragement all the time but do not push, let her know you accept how she feels - thereby in a positive way giving her confidence.

May or may not help but at least she is sure you are right behind her. BW

[Rhubarb]

Just to reassure you that my dd was exactly the same too. She would not play with other children, she would cling to my legs at toddler groups, I couldn't go the toilet in friend's houses without her screaming for me, she would follow me around the house, play with no-one but me, it was driving me spare! I thought that it was a sign that she would be shy forever, I imagined her at school with no friends, desperately unhappy, etc, etc. But it was just a phase and she did eventually come out of it. She is still a quiet little girl, but she will now leave me and play with other children, and she is more confident with strangers.

Don't worry too much, or that will project onto them and the more anxious you are, the more anxious you will make them. Keep your sense of humour about you (vital quality for a mum!) and remember that just when you think it couldn't possibly get any worse, it does get better! Trust me. I didn't believe anyone when they said that to me, I didn't think she would ever change, but she did. I now think it is a normal part of growing up. Hope this helps.