Lying & stealing

[Kylie]

My 9 year old daughter is telling fibs about everything, ie homework, (she is bright and gets lots of merit certs at school so no problems there) she fantasises to everybody about what she has and where she is going, but most worrying is her obsession with money, I have given her some responsibility with pocket money and managing it fornightly, but yesterday she pretended that her friend had stolen her money, for her sports club and asked me to lend her some more, I then found the missing two pounds hidden in a drawer, I scoured the parenting books but none of them deal with lying or stealing, I would really like to know what to do. I think she needs to make some sort of connection with herself or her feelings are there courses for meditation or hypnotherapists for children I would rather sort it now than when she is a teenager and self esteem is even more fragile. Any suggestions.

[Janh]

kylie, there are books which deal with things like this, i have one brilliant one written by a TA (transactional analysis) woman but we are decorating and it's in a box somewhere - she certainly goes through situations in alphabetical order including lying and stealing but i can't remember what she said, or her name, but have you tried the library?
my elder daughter did a bit of stealing (pick'n'mix from woolies) at around this age..she didn't then have pocket money and we found the sweets in her pocket. it's very upsetting but not uncommon. have you talked to your daughter yet about this particular incident? does she even know you found the "missing" money?
one thing i do remember from somewhere is that making a big fuss about lying tends to put the emphasis on the wrong thing..it's what they've lied about that matters more, what they did, why they did it and why they lied about it. try having a quiet laid-back (if possible!) talk about it first and see how it goes from there; say she will not be in trouble whatever she says and you may be able to sort it out.
good luck!

[Jbr]

I did some stealing when I was about 10-12 but I had OCD. The lying bit comes from being ashamed of the OCD. Not sure where lying about her homework comes into it though. I have no idea why she is a thief. I can only tell you what I did and why.

She is not a "friend" if she tells lies about her mates. She falsely accused someone of a crime. This could get more serious as she gets older and acting hard done by won't help her.

I am sorry if that sounds harsh.

[Gracie]

C'mon JBR - she is 9 years old. Sure it's a problem and needs to be dealt with but sympathetically!. As Janh says, it is not all uncommon, but sorry I am not sure how to deal with it.

[Janh]

kylie, maybe you should send this situation to the mumsnet advice section - "ask the experts" - i bet somebody there could help better than us.