Im at the end of my sanity

[Louise1980]

Ok here goes.

I have a ds who was 4 last december. Hes a very boysterous child and Im begining to loose all patience with him and all my confidence as a mother.

Heres a list of the things he does,

• hits/pushes/trips up/knocks over etc
  
• shouts/screams
  
• swears (juct says bloody hell but i hate it and its just started.)
  
• throws things at me/brother
  
• sticks tounge out/back-chats and is just plain cheeky
  
• ignores me when i tell him off/ask him to do something
  
• deleberatly does opposite of what i ask if he doesnt ignore me
  
• takes things he's told not to (sweets/cakes/toys etc)
  
• spoils other peoples games all the time, jups on them, takes toys etc.
  
• runs arround/jumps/climbs etc when he knows he shouldnt
  
  Please dont tell me its attention seeking as he gets loads of attention and we had all weekend together just the 2 of us and he was such a handfull.
  
  Ive tried a change of diet, different punishments all sorts of things but it doesnt resolve the situation. I feel so alone like its me against the world and her granny. Its so hard and Im about loose my sanity. Its becoming a case of him or me and I cant take it anymore.
  
  I hate taking him to school because 5 mins in school yard seems like a nightmare, all other mothers think my boy is the naughty one ant I cant take anymore. If anything happens the mothers look at him straight away as if he's the only naughty child in the world.
  
  Sorry its a long one but thanks if you are still there!

[Louise1980]

BUMP

[Louise1980]

And again

[suzywong]

oh dear sorry to hear you are reaching the end of your tether, I have a slightly boisterous 4yr old boy so I can begin to imagine how you feel.

When I went through a patch where I didn't feel in control, of my temper mainly, I went to the library and got out some Steven Biddulph books, he is an expert on how to deal with kids, not patronising or old fashioned and the stuff he had written helped me get some confidence back in my parenting and taught me a few new tricks.

It's so hard for boisterous little boys as they seem to get whipped up in to a frenzy of testosterone in playgrounds etc and then we feel like we are just spending all our time yelling "no" and sorting them out when part of what they are doing is natural little boy behaviour.

I am not qualified to tell you if you should be looking elsewhere in to the source of your ds's behaviour - I don't want to say problems - issues, maybe some wise MN could throw some light on that score, but I would urge you to have a read of this author as it really helped me get back some parental control and that improved my boy's behaviour

HTH

[emily05]

have you ever watched 'the house of tiny tearaways'? There are loads of good tips on there.

[Satine]

Funny that I read this today when I've just got back from mother & toddler and told my ds (2.8) to sit and watch CBeebies for a while because I've had enough. He just pushed the other children, threw toys and then refused to sit still for the singing bit and of course all the other children sat perfectly still like little angels whilst I tried to keep my temper (and keep hol dof wriggling baby dd). I know it's a combination of age and the fact that dh is in Iraq (been away 6 weeks and ds is just realising that Daddy's not coming home for a long time). The thought of no dh for another 5 months is getting to me now. So anyway, I don't mean to whinge on and on at you on your thread but basically I just wanted to say you're not the only one, we don't all have wonderfully behaved kids all the time!! I know just what it can be like.

[Louise1980]

Thanks but most of the time hes just like this for me. My mam doesnt agree with me when I punish him and that makes it harder. He's been a bit 'mischevious' at school this morning but nothing too bad. Yet when he's at home hes really bad. I sent him to his bedroom for jumping on a bag of crisps just to stop ds2 having them and he's gone to sleep. I cant win!

[Louise1980]

Thanks Satine, but in every1s honest opinion could this be because Im a lone parent? I feel like mothers at school think this. Sometimes when he;s really bad other parents say things like 'oh any you are on your own rnt you?' How f**king patronisiong. Im doing the best I can ffs.

[Gwenick]

"different punishments all sorts of things but it doesnt resolve the situation."

How long have you tried different punishments for? I nearly 'tripped up' with DS1 a while back because one week he's be punished in x way, the following y, and the next week z.

When I decided on a punishment 'stragegy' and stuck to it his behaviour improved. Sometimes it felt like I was fighting a losing battle (it got much worse before it got better). But once he knew the 'exact' punishments, and the 'exact' boundaries he defintely improved.

[Louise1980]

Thanks dinosaur. I will look at that.

[Louise1980]

I try to give it about 2-3 weeks but my mam doesnt believe in any of this time-out stuff im trying. As she has the kids quite a lot im scared to upset her incase she refuses to help me. I wouldnt be able to go to uni or work if she didnt help me.

[puddle]

Louise
It sounds as though the problem might be the difference between your and your Mum's parenting styles. If the two of your aren't consistent your ds won't know what's happening and will play you off against each other. Can you get her on your side? What about getting the school involved - maybe if she sees the approach is suggested by the school she'll give it a bit more credibility?

[clary]

Louise, I haven?t much experience of this kind of behaviour (other troubles here, lol - don?t want you to think my family?s perfect!) but just wanted to answer your post with any support I can offer.
Do you mean ds is at school? or is he at nursery? If so, have the teachers expressed any concern? They have often seen everything.
You say you have tried different punishments but have you tried turning it around and rewarding good behaviour eg with sticker chart, pasta jar (soupdragon?s idea) big prize he really wants?
Please don?t think of him as a naughty child. I am sorry you are so desperate and can understand some of what you are feeling but he is ?just? doing naughty things which is not the same thing at all.
Sorry if I am telling you what you already know.
What does he like doing? I believe that children need to have lots of exercise and running about, always get anxious if mine havn?t had a good run out (like a dog lol) by the end of the afternoon.
Does he sleep well? Is he ratty because he?s tired, or not tired enough?
Sorry lots of questions and not many answers but hopefulyl someone else will be able to help.
Cxx

[clary]

sorry see that while I was called away from my desk lots of other people posted good ideas!
Louise it can't be easy being a single mum, but there's no need for anyone to patronise you!
I would never assume that's the reason. Please believe you are doing yr best in a difficult situation.