Help, My Child Won't Sleep

(12 Posts)
stevienicks Thu 23-Jul-09 09:19:15

Any advice out there as have a 21month old DS never been a good sleeper have tried all sorts to get him to sleep through the night. At the end of my tether now from sleep deprivatgion of nearly 2 years of wakings in the night. Broken sleep. Would really appreaciate any advice.

Thanks

Stevienicks

Cheepz Thu 23-Jul-09 09:33:10

Poor you, my ds has always been a poor sleeper - he is 25 months now and at the moment going through a spell of sleeping until 4 and then goes back easy until 6 which is close to as good as it gets for us.

i tried everything - read all the books and spent alot of time on various techniques but in the end only one thing worked for me which i read in a book which is called 'Getting your baby or toddler to sleep' which basically says that at a point where they are well, no major changes (at nursery or at home), not just back or just going on holiday, you need to put them to bed, tuck in say goodnight and tell them you will see them in the morning, then leave and don't go back in.

Basically the first time we did this it took 4 nights for him to stop waking and sleep through, the first two nights were awful as he would cry for half an hour at bedtime, then wake up 3 or 4 times and cry for twenty, thirty, forty minutes - which is a long time if you are tired and lying awake in the night - i used ear plugs to take the edge off and dh slept downstairs because he couldn't handle the crying, but by the third night the xcrying and waking were less and by the fourth night he barely fussed.

now we take a totally routine based approach to bedtime, as soon as he comes out of routine he starts night waking - changed class at nursery = nightwaking, holiday disruption =- night waking, but now I use this technique whenever we get home and it only takes one or two nights to get him sleeping better again

may sound like a harsh approach and I wouldn't do it with a child that was under a year and didn't understand, but by 21 months your dc is old enough for you to explain and for them to be able to learn that once you say goodnight you will not go back

tried controlled crying but that just seemed to teach him that if he cried long enough i would go back, tried gradual withdrawl but that was too frustraing and difficult once i was back at work to spend an hour creeping out of the room 3 times a night, tried music, white noise, blanket, cuddly toy, - basically this has been the most effective way

bad sleeper is the worst and sleep deprivation so awful - bestof luck!

Cheepz Thu 23-Jul-09 09:35:53

oh and now he is out of his cot we have a gate across the door to his room and pillows and duvert on the floor when we are doing the technique so if he gets out of bed and stands at the gate crying in the end he curls up on the floor and pulls a duvet over (this hardly ever happens now though as although he fusses hes stays in bed

stevienicks Thu 23-Jul-09 10:24:16

Arr bless them curling up on the floor with the duvet. I know its heart breaking isn't it sometimes. He is really ratty this morning but refusing to have a nap so think will put both DS an DD in the car and go and get the book you suggested. At least he will nap in the car. Tried the controlled crying, worked for a little while, moving sleep times, meal times, been trying to wear him out in the park in the afternoon, If they get overtired this also effects their sleep too. No win situation. Doesn't help i work three days a week having to teach adults so got to be on the ball in the day not good with no sleep in the night, ARRGH! I am really wingeing and moaning now. Will stop t
ranting now asfrom these threads there are hundreds and thousands in the same boat, but it's a very lonely place when you are in it...

Cheepz Thu 23-Jul-09 10:36:36

just in case you want to get it the full title is

The New Baby and Toddler Sleep Programme: How to Get Your Child to Sleep Through the Night, Every Night

by John Pearce (Author), Jane Bidder (Author, Editor), Kenneth Maddock (Editor)

there are so many but this was the one i found the best. most practical and easy to read.

it is so hard to be tired all the time and so disheartening when you go through the hours of trying the softly softly, or controlled crying approaches and nothing really works

winge away!!

stevienicks Thu 23-Jul-09 12:29:51

Thank you for the advice re books I will invest in the ones you said.

Fingers crossed, see how get on over the weekend. DH back at the weekend been on a course with work so been tackling it all alone, hard work, medals for those that do it on their own, has some advantages, tidy house, no clothes on bedroom floor, can watch, eat what and when I like and control of money more as he isn't spending all the time.
x

mummysaurus Thu 23-Jul-09 13:31:30

hope the book works out for you. I tried everything with my ds but he started sleeping better once he was two. My dd of 9 months is following in her bro's footsteps and doesn't sleep either.

Even tho i'm totally sleep deprived I'm more chilled out this time as I realise that

a) its not anything I'm doing or not doing
b) it will end one day

stevienicks Thu 23-Jul-09 14:24:25

Its a long time to go without proper sleep though nearly two years. It can lead to depression apparently sleep deprivation. I can but try. Thanks for all the advice. Trouble is when they start sleeping etc you forget all the bad stuff and go in for no3 baby. lol. Don't think so, in 40's now so probably why its a lot harder too. Can you get sterlised the NHS if so any advice on this one? I went to the doctors a year ago and she refused to refer me telling me my fertility would decrease now I am 40. Which I didn't think was very good advice as I had made the decision to go ahead with one and told to go away and think about it or get my husband to get the snip.

nappyaddict Thu 23-Jul-09 15:22:01

Also try the No Cry Sleep Solution book. It explains gentle methods such as gradual withdrawal etc.

stevienicks Fri 24-Jul-09 08:13:21

I couldn't find the books you suggested but got the sleep easy solution and it worked last night, DS woke up at 11.15 after going to bed at 7 so did what the book said, the second time he woke up it was shorter and he went back off on his own and the third time at about 4 am I went into him once, he then went back off on his own. His outburst at 11.15pm went on for 40mins waking up his poor DS but it got better. So will perservere with it and hopefully it will work this time. Thanks both for your advice and listening to me rant. Not there yet but baby steps me thinks.x

Cheepz Fri 24-Jul-09 08:31:19

thats great - it is such a relief when you find something that works, fingers crossed for further improvement tonight,

nappyaddict Fri 24-Jul-09 10:30:09

The No Cry Sleep Solution is by Elizabeth Pantley.

What does the Sleep Easy Solution involve? I've not heard of it before.

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