dont know what to do with 8 year old ds1

[cheesesarnie]

hes always been more 'exictable' than my other 2 dc.but in the last few weeks his behaviour at home and school has got worse.im now finding him really hard to handle.2 weeks ago his teacher said that every time hes asked to do something(something as simple as sit down)he puts his hands over his ears and screams and is constantly getting into trouble.hes dyslexic and has trouble at school with concentration anyway.at home hes doing the same,wont do anything,screams at all of us,is getting violent(dd is off school today after he attacked her last night hurting her throat,and the day before he throw his 3 yr old brother across the room),hes very angry and nothing is working,hes also not sleeping till about 10.30 pm which is obviously making him tired and his behaviour worse(he goes to bed at 8.30 but wont go to sleep).weve tried warnings,putting him in his room,taking away his nintendo ds,grounding him,taking away his favorite toy.weve also tried shouting-which doesnt work!!ive told him how his behaviour makes me feel but he just doesnt stop!i dont know whats causing his behaviour but we cant carry on like this.am i doing something wrong?do i need outside help,if so what and where!?

ive probably left lots out,my brain is being as slow as my computer today(very slow).

[Buda]

I am sorry you are going through this. I have an almost 8 year old and his behaviour is nothing like you describe. From your post I would suspect you do need outside help. The school may be able to help. And I am sure that there will be someone along on here soon who will definitely be able to point you in the right direction.

[cheesesarnie]

thankyou buda.

[woodlands35]

hi cheesesarnie, just wondering would it be useful to make an appointment with your doctor just to have a chat with him about ds behaviour ? doctor might be able to recommend some1 to access your ds , sorry to hear you are having a rough time ,

[Barmymummy]

Hi cheese, yep would def arrange an appt with your GP, it sounds a little like he may have sensory problems (things being to loud for him etc) and if so they will be able to give you some help to help him iykwim.

There are loads of us on the Special Needs board that have issues like these (its a very friendly place don't worry!) so feel free to ask away there, you may find others in the same boat, HTH, xx

[cheesesarnie]

thankyou both.i went to see ds teacher just to ask who to ask!shes arranged a meeting with ds senco lady on monday and says she'll be able to point us in the right direction.i explained that i dont know if its ds behaviour or how i cope with ds behaviour thats the problem but that either way we need help.

barmy i might take a look

[cheesesarnie]

update-on tuesday e have a behavioural specialist that deals with the whole family coming to our home(scary)im a bit nervous as dont know what to expect!ds also saw a educational phycologist at school who said hes very bendy!-whats that about!!?and they commented that as hes very small that can make children immature.they also mentioned adhd,which although i know hardly anything about-from what i do know it doesnt sound like him.

in the mean time behaviour has got no better-were having melt downs over really odd things.i cant see what these people can do.

[anonandlikeit]

HI chesesarnie, i'm glad you are starting to get some help, it does sound like the school are being supportive so far.
Please don't see outside help as "scary" although I know it can feel that way.
Before they come write down some specifics & examples of the behaviour that you would like help with.
It may not be easy to solve it all, so YOU prioritise & remember - this is not your fault!
The ed psych's comment about your ds being bendy could mean his joints are a little hypermobile, has he had problems with fine motor skills? Can he seem a little clumsy?
Things like dyslexia & hypermobility can very often be seen together.
Ask for a referral to an occupational therapist, they are great at advising on bendy kids & can help if he is sensitive to noise & other sensory overload that may eb triggering his behaviour.
It may be that your ds is finding things difficult & is becoming more frustrated as he is getting older & becoming more aware of the thing he struggles with.

There are all sorts of things that could be causing his deteriation in behaviour but also all sorts of help out there so don't be too ahrd on yourself!

[cheesesarnie]

hes fine with fine motor skills-i assume thats things like drawing,threading etc?-hes a fantastic artist.he is a little clumsy yes.

im not worried if they do turn up and say its all my fault-i just want to know whats happening and what i can do.

thanks thats very helpful.the school suggested filming him in one of his melt down modes so its easier to see what were describing.sometimes its just so irational that you cant seem to describe the behaviour.

[CybilLiberty]

No one willl blame you. They will want to support you and your child, that's their job, not to point the finger.

It sounds like he is very tired, I work with SEN children and I think when they are tired at this point in the term, their behaviour always gets worse.

It may be ADHD (I'm no expert) But at least if you knew you could have some strategies that would help.

[cheesesarnie]

thanks.
'But at least if you knew you could have some strategies that would help. '

my feelings exactly!i just want to know so i cant help him.it cant be nice to feel so frustrated and angry.

[ohbabygivemeonemorechance]

Once you get a picture of what the likely problem is,you might feel more detached/relaxed about the behaviour~it must be very difficult especially as he is the eldest.
I have a ds of 7 and he does not do this,however,I have an older ds who was a bit like this and it was very difficult to understand why he was getting upset/angry.

Don't blame yourself at all,and just stay calm and straightforward with him and start each day afresh.
All the bestx

[cheesesarnie]

thankyou.lovely words of advice.