Least plausible lies your dcs have told(157 Posts)
DD (3) 'No I haven't had an accident - it was DS, he did a wee on my bottom.'
My son once told me a realy long story abotu a rainforest creature called a "biddoof"( sp?). he was into Diego at the time. I totally believed him. till he said he saw it out of his window one night.
And his brother confirmed it was , in fact, a Pokemon creature.
I was totally had!
LOL @ you believing in the Pokemon creature!
DD's friend at nursery tells her he's killed 2 dinosaurs with his light sabre on the way into nursery that morning and she believes him.
Apparently I blamed my baby brother for throwing my uneaten breakfast into the sink (a bowl of soggy cornflakes)
What are baby brothers to be there for if not to be blamed, after all?
It is quite good at the moment because ds can talk but hasn't realised he can say things that aren't true, so we can find out what really happened. When he learns to lie we will be sunk.
dd2 (2) told me the other day that Rocky pushed her off her chair in the kitchen. Rocky is the puppet racoon at her toddler music class
'a burglar has been sick on my bed'
I found small pieces of sellotape all over
our carpet once.
Me: Who did this?
DTD2: The cats.
Me: How? With their paws?
DD told me that DS had scribbled on the wall.
While she was covered in felt tip.
And DS was about 3 months old
ROFL at your daughter, Kathy
My DD (3) told her key worker at playschool that she was not allowed to do any exercises because it could hurt her and that i had written in her book about it! Key worker pulled me aside to ask if this was true! NOW what made it embarrassing was that im overweight and im sure the key worker thought i had genuinally said this!
DS when he was 5 told his teacher that daddy had gone and mummy was all alone! His teacher came out and asked if i was ok as DS had told her me and DH had split up! I had to tell a very embarrassed teacher that if DH and i had split i needed to know who was in my bed the night before!
Kathy, dd started telling lies at around 7 or so. Ds is 5 and still doesn't understand the concept - in fact he ends up grassing on his older sister!
DH's sister scribbled her siblings' names on walls to get them into trouble. All was going well, with MIL pleasingly irate with DH and his brother until she overreached herself one day and graffitied 'Mummy'.
Oh yes, DD3 managed to convince her year one teacher last year that she was allergic to apples, oranges and bananas. She got away with it apparently until a TA who knew her very well came into class one day and was puzzled to be warned not to give DD any fruit!
These are so funny! I'm crying with laughter at LadyGlencora's SIL writing 'mummy' on the wall.
once when dd2 was crying in the lounge, before she could talk. I went in to see what was wrong and DS immediately said.
"I didn't pinch her"
Just almost lost bladder control at the burglar being sick on the bed!
Last week DS1 covered himself in green felt tip pen.
Me: DS Who did this?
Him: Magic pen did it, then it ran away and hid under a rug.
lol at your DD blaming the baby for the wee Kathy! My DS (nearly 3) likes to do similar things - he weed on my mum's sofa (accident, he was excited!) and he told my future SIL that my mum's DOG had done the puddle on the sofa!! [the dog is quite little and elderly so she isn't able to get on the sofa unless someone puts her there!)
When i was pregnant with DS2, DS1 made a lovely picture at nursery went in a bad mood and tore it in half while i was out the room. When i asked him what had happened to it he told me his brother did it, when proped further he said "He climbed out of your tummy when you weren't paying attention, ripped the picture then climbed back in"
dd1 when she was about 2.5
dd1 "you need to tell daddy off"
dd1 When you were out he broked my neck and scratched out my eyes then he stamped on them"
me "they look okay now"
dd1 "He bought new ones at the shop while you were out and glued my neck back together. He told me not tell you."
DH's version of events was that he told her to go to her room after she swore at him.
the least plausible are the ones where you've seen it happen, they know you saw it, and they lie anyway.
but far funnier are the alter-egos.
the joker makes ds1 wet his pants every few weeks.
no idea why - he's never seen batman.
burglars break or lose his sisters toys.
" 14.1 09 " cuthbert done good"
Yeah, big sister sneaked home from school secretly and pooed in little brother's pants. Probably to get her own back from the time when he wrote the letters of the alphabet on the dining room carpet in a felt tip pen at the grand old age of 3 months.
Dh must have been more convincing the time he told his Mum they were having wrestling lessons in Reception. She went steaming into the school to Have A Word. 45 years later, she still looks sheepish when reminded of this.
my DS1 (8) this afternoon told DH (when he came to pick them up for the weekend - YIPEE!!!) that "mummy throws eggs at us and around the house"
DD1 scratched her name into the radiator in her bedroom. then told me the faries had done it when they came to collect her tooth. i couldn't tell her how i knew the fairies hadn't done it so she got away with it. it's still there today..
Asked DS2 what he had had to eat at a party - he thought for a second and then said seriously 'broccoli' - he was 5, so I knew from then he knew how to lie.... ( I went out of the room to ROFLOL)
that cat one made me laugh but then one that SSSSBTSS posted made me nearly wet myself - you wanna watch that one LOL
"A ghost did it"
yeah, right. Sure it did.
Can't remember any of dd's - but I do remember running away with 2 friends when I was about 7. We got quite a long way, over a road, up a big hill (we lived in the countryside) and back down a road. Probably a good 40 mins or so. We decided to go back after a bit and thought up the excellent excuse that we had been kidnapped by a man on a horse and that while he was tying up his horse (Dick Turpin style) we had managed to escape.
I do believe we didn't actually have the nerve to repeat this crap lie excellent excuse when we finally returned to our parents.
My dd tells me with her most serious face on that ALL the other children have SWEETS in their snack boxes at the after school club.
We were at a woodland nature reserve and on a table in the "exhibition hut" was a real birds nest with 3 tiny, blue, delicate eggs inside. Next to the nest was a sign "please do not touch".
Upon discovering that one of said eggs had been smashed, an elderly po-faced lady screeched "whoooo has done THIS"? (whilst waving frantically at the table). She then proceeded to ask each child present "did YOU do this? Did YOU do this"? (you get the picture).
When she got to ds (6 at the time) he shuffled his feet, looked a bit aghast but defiantly stared her in the eye and denied it vehemently. She carried on quizzing the rest of the kids and I choked as ds triumphantly turned his head to carry on his business with egg-yolk streaming down the side of his head
DD told me last summer that they had spent the day sunbathing in the playing field when I picked her up from school. She was very convincing- giving details like- 'all the girls were given bikinis and all the boys had shorts on, and we just lay in the field all day and didn't do any work.'
The problem was, this story got around and other children started telling their parents that was what they had done too. I think some parents may have started to believe them! lol
No it wasn't me it was the naughty fairy who drew on the wall. I TOLD her not to.
when my younger brother was potty training he did a big pooh in the middle of the hallway.
mum said - brother did you do this??
brother said....no trevor XXXXXX did it (trevor was a friend of my mums at the time)
he also rang trevor XXXXX (with a little help from me and dsis) on the phone (mum kept address book by phone) when trevor asked who is this? bro replied 'it's trevor XXXXXXX stupid - didn't you know???' amd put the phone down. This was in the days when there was no 1471 so when trevor came over and asked we all completely denied it!
I LOLed at the wrestling lessons, because DD1 told me a similar one: that she has skipping lessons at school. Halfway through the lesson they stop to eat strawberry laces and have a drink.
Some of dd2's:
I'm older than dd1. I AM!
DD1's hair bobbles/favourite cuddly/Barbie/pony/rug/dress/[insert object] appeared in my room by magic.
I'm the Queen of California.
A dog did a poo in dd's knickers once, apparently.
What a naughty dog.
Melpomene that reminds me of another regular one of dd (aged 3)'s - 'Can I go to school today please Mummy because I'm 4?'
The school ones reminded me of my friend whose ds used to come home and tell her he'd had chips and jelly for school dinner. Naturally she didn't believe him because who in their right mind would allow a 4 year old to choose whatever they wanted for lunch..... until she saw Jamie's School Dinners and realised this is in fact perfectly normal in British schools these days
"That's not a poo it's a sausage" - just now from DD1 (nearly 4)
Dd to explain the missing chocolates from my mother's day box of Thorntons.
"I did a big yawn and they all flew into my mouth"
You think they grow out of it?! At the end of year 6 my then 11 yr-old DD1 was complaining of having really hairy legs, so I told her she could have her legs waxed for the summer holidays. I told her what the beautician had said about how long the hair needed to be. Cue DD rolling down her socks to reveal completely smooth legs. "Those don't need waxing", says I. "On my gosh, it's a miracle. I swear they were hairy yesterday. I can't imagine how that happened. Maybe my socks rubbed the hairs off". Cue DD bursting into tears because she really wanted her legs waxed. Later that day, I found the offending tube of Veet... Little minx had been through my bathroom cupboard.
Macca Pacca is responsible for all the poos in our house according to DS and I thought he was such a clean little thing!
DD1: "I didn't hit my sister with a stick.....today.....yet".
My DS2 told his Reception teacher that in about week 3 of being at school that he used to have a sister but she had been eaten by a pig.
The teacher was so worried that DS2 was traumatised she actually once asked me about it in that 'very concerned' voice that teachers have.
DS loves to lie blatantly. He'll come in from the other room specifically to tell me "I did not chase the cat, mummy". the other day he did a resounding fart while sitting on the sofa with us both, and then announced "That was not my farty bum. It was Daddy's."
When I was 2 I carefully put a spoonful of pasta hoops onto the top of my baby sister's bald head as she sat in her highchair. Then claimed she had done it herself.
But LadyGlencora, yours remins me of when my mum was a secondary school teacher and a boy at her school was skiving off, so he wanted to arrange a fake excuse. He phoned the school, put on a deep voice and said: "Hello Miss - it's me dad. Darren is ill."
'the hot water bear peed in my bed and hid under the cupboard' when queried about the wet patch on the bed
'i didn't push [ds] but he got away from my dolls house' when queried as to why ds was flat on his back and crying
'mommy said i could have x' to dp when i'm standing in the same room and he heard me say no in no uncertain terms
'[ds] scratched me, i didn't pick the kitten up' while having what were very obviously cat scratches plastered up
Not as creative as others, but very recent and very blatant. First thing this morning - DD, have you just put nailvarnish on? DD (pink fingered and reeking of acetone) - No. Perfect straight face.
Ds (2) doesn't yet understand creative lying to get himself out of situations (apart from 'have you done a poo?' 'NO') but regularly tells me that he's done things/eaten things that aren't true.
Picked him up from nursery yesterday.
Me: 'what did you do today?'
Ds: 'played with the playdo and talked on the phone.'
Key worker is shaking her head and mouthing 'glueing and sticking' at me over his head .
DP's Aunt used to be a nanny - her long-term charge (now grown up) told all her school friends thatshe had a brother. THey wanted to know his name, she told them DP's name. It was obviously quite convincing though, because they all wanted to meet him, so she told them he was killed in a car crash.
To this day DP is known as her dead brother
Roffling at "it's me dad"
At my 6th birthday party, my mum bought a musical cake stand that played Happy Birthday whilst the cake revolved. When my friends asked how the cake did that, my dad told them that mum had baked the tune into the cake - it was a secret recipe.
In the next week, no word of a lie, we had THREE of my friends' parents knocking on our door to get the "new cake recipe" from my mum...
I once found my toddler chewing something. "What are you eating?" I demanded. She replied: "<pause> Toothpaste"
me: have you done a wee on the floor?
me: OK, who did the wee?
DD: my bottom fell off and did it.
me: what was that noise? (after DD let rip a loud fart and was giggling)
DD: the duck
me: what duck?
DD: I stamped on it
I found some writing on the coffee tale the other day. It said "DS1 is a poo"
(obviously DS1's name )
So I said to DS2 "I wonder who wrote that?"
DS2: not me
Me: Errrr.. who else would have written that?
(yes - blaming the baby again )
Picture the sceene - ds1 on the computer in the kitchen, I came downstairs from the loo ....
Me "Ds1, why are there broken eggs all over the kitchen floor?"
ds1 "Er, I don't know. Maybe ... maybe a burguler did come in to burgle the computer, and he did get hungry but the eggs were on top of the biscuit tin and when the burguler did take the lid off to get the biscuits all the eggs did roll off onto the floor so the burguler runned away"
me "And tht's what happened, is it?"
ds1 "Um. I'm sorry mummy."
ds1 hasn't worked it out yet.
me "did ds2 fall over, ds1, or did you push him?"
ds1 (looks thoughtful) "he falled over, mummy, because I pushed him..."
I once went into my dd's room to get them up at half 7 and they were covered in lipstick they had red all over their faces and arms and legs when i asked dd (nearly 4) what happened she calmly explained that dd1 (just turned 2) had climbed out of her cot through the bars went to the bathroom climbed onto the toilet and went in my make up bag got my lipstick and covered herself and dd1 in the lipstick all while dd1 was still apperently sleeping then climbed back into her cot while saying this dd1 was standing next to dd2's cot with the lipstick in her hand
my dd 2.5 told everyone she had been given beer at her playgroup christmas party
dd2 tells people that she used to be called Enid.
I have no idea at all. She sounds quite plausible when she tells people. But she has never ever been called Enid.
My dd 5 told me her classmate is allergic to dogfood.
LOL at these
When my DD was at kindergarten aged 4 we were having a massive problem with her not eating lunch.
One day she came out and told me she'd eaten all her lunch that day, I asked (pleasantly surprised) what it had been and she said cheese on toast. What for the whole school? I replied. Yes, their oven was broken.
Whilst DC in ballet lesson one of the other mums said, ergh apparently lunch was gross today. Me, Cheese on toast? Mother looked at me strangely and told me it had been mince and potatoes of some kind.
That was the first time I realised I'd been had. Am not quite so easily taken in nowadays!
(I forgot to mention there are 300 pupils at DD's school)
am PMSL here
ds1 now 10 used to come out with some corkers
"The pirates chopped my leg off after making me walk the plank but Grandad bought me a new one" he was 5 then
Me "DS1 did you put the drink carton in the bin like i asked?"
DS1 "Yes mummy"
ME" then why is it still where you left it with the drink still in it like it was last night?"
DS1 "Oh mummy it wasn't me Alfie must have brought it back in"
hmmmm Very very clever cat managed to take a cup drink out of the bin, carry it into the living room, jump onto the table put it down in the same spot and not spill a drop.
Me "ds1 did you cut the straps of my new trainers?"
DS1 "No mummy why would i?"
Me "well someone has"
DS1 "Well maybe alfie did it"
Me " hmmm ds1 i don't think so, so i will ask you again did you do it?"
DS1 no mummy it wasn't me I promise, it was probably daddy"
I do wish men would stop doing things like this lol
And when my older brother started school he had Sausage in fish for lunch
he meant sausage in batter, but we had never had them and only had fish in batter so he had a sausage in fish.
I remember when I was 5 an had to start wearing glasses, i hated the ones i had so i broke them and blamed a girl in the class i hated, she got in trouble and when my mum collected me from school she asked me how the girl had broken them, i looked at her straight faced and said "It was easy mummy I went like this" and showed her how i had snapped them in half...ooppss
dd2 is only 2.1 but so michevious, she'll bite her own arm and run to me and say dd1 name with big tears falling down her cheeks and sobbing, I would have believed her except dd1 was at preschool
dd1 at 4.6 apparently doesnt keep getting out of bed after we've left the room its the elderly neghbour next door being very noisy
Also told my Mum and Dad that dh was nasty to mummy and locked her in the bathroom and wouldnt let me out, I had been trying to have a bath in peace and had locked the door, dh was talking to me from the landing excet because the door was shut he was talking loudly, it took some explaining to my parents
ROFL at daddy locking mummy inthe bathroom!
DS: "It wasn't me, I did not draw on the couch"
Shame that the wee man that he drew is instantly recognisable as his artwork.
I can't go to school, my legs are not working.
ROFL at "It's me Dad". Not the brightest pupil in school.
DD (3) : I'm not saying f*cking!
me: Yes you are, you just did. Don't say it.
DD: I'm not saying f*cking!
When my little sister was about 4 or 5 (and I was about 11 or 12), she ran downstairs and told my mother I had pushed her off my bed......totally untrue.
Not a particularly creative or amusing lie but my mother believed her, lost her temper, ran up the stairs and gave me a couple of pretty good swipes with my riding crop!!
This was a quarter of a century ago and I'm still resentful!!
I love these!
I'm a teacher and after the holidays I always ask the kids what they got up to and we share news. Last Easter one usually very honest little girl (aged 8) told me and the rest of the class that they went on holiday to Lanzarote with another family. So far so plausible, until she told me that the Mummy of the other family didn't know she was pregnant but suddenly gave birth to a baby by the swimming pool. Cue incredulous looks from other kids. Try broaching that one with Mummy at home time!
My daughter once told her childminder that she didn't have a winter coat "because some rats came in the cupboard and chewed it up to make a nest". Apparently she was very convincing.
For the record:
1. She has got a winter coat, it was just a warm morning when we got her dressed and she went in her fleece instead
2. The coat has never been chewed by any sort of rodent
3. We have never, ever, ever had rats in the cupboard (or anywhere else in the house)
Me: what did you have for dinner at school? (he has hot dinners)
DS: We all had sandwiches and crisps
Me: Why - did they have a powercut?
DS: No, a big asteroid smashed through the roof of the canteen and set it on fire
It was a normal hot dinner....
Me: what was dinner today?
DS: Stewed willies and poo
Me: You can have the same for tea.
DS1 came dashing into my bedroom panicking and hyperventilating. Apparently he had a piece of paper stuck up his left nostril and said he couldn't breathe. (He is nearly 7 by the way!)
Me: What on earth did you shove a piece of paper up your nose?
DS1: I didn't, it wasn't me.
Me: Who was it then?
DS1: I don't know, it just happened!
He was absolutely adamant he didn't shove it up there himself!
So, I despatched him to my make-up bag to fetch my tweezers and he promptly returned with the baby's nail clippers! Eventually he managed to get the tweezers and I had to remove the offending item! Unfortunately he had pushed it right up so I almost couldn't reach it! It was huge as well and all neatly folded up!
After a long chat about why we don't put things in noses or ears etc he finally admitted he had pushed up there himself but couldn't explain why. (Although really, what posible reason could there be?) I cannot believe it was my almost 7 year old that did this - isn't it much more 3 year old or toddler behaviour?
DS is aged 3
Why are all the books on the floor?
It was a giant snowball
Why has the train track been broken up?
We've got moles
I can't come downstairs its too windy
Very hands on mother at dd's school complaining to the teacher because her son has told her he is given ice cream for pudding EVERY DAY!
Ok i confess. When I was about 5, I ripped my school coat one playtime and didn't realise the damage until the next morning when mum gasped at the ripped lining. I came up with a humungus lie and said a boy in Mrs x's class had done it.
To my eternal shame, mum complained to the school and I was taken to Mrs x's class and stood in front of all the children, and was asked to identify the boy who had done it.
I said i could not see the boy concerned. My mother still does not know about this very large lie.....
Boys bedroom complete disaster area. "Clear up this mess at once, it's a disgrace"." It wasn't us mum it was X* before he went home."
*X being angel child from school who never does anything wrong and is unfailingly polite and tidy.
and yes rumdoodle we have a lot of adverse weather conditions in our house as well:
Can't eat mashed potato because it is snowing (oh no it isn't)
Am not going to school today because of the volcano getting fire out
can't go to bed because my bed is too scary and windy
DD1 to polite gathering of my work colleagues:
Boss: 'Hello DD1, last time I saw you, you were in your mummy's tummy.'
DD1:'yes, and a peep-O'd out of mummy's fuffy and said 'hello!'
The Tooth Fairy hasn't been Mum. I've checked.
DD2 (3) told a visitng police officer at pre-school that her daddy kicks her arse if she is naughty
DD1 told us when she was also 3 that she wouldn't be going back to playschool as the teacher had put her in a cage and hit her with sticks
DD3 (16m) is the most common scapegoat in our household, closely followed by our staffy Ruby who "tells" dd2 to do naughty things
stewed willies and POO!! hilarious!!! have been sat here snorting and giggling nearly in tears reading all this!
DD (5.6 at the time) and her 8yo friend once came running to tell us they had found a scorpion in a drystone wall in the woods.
They actually had us all going for a bit.
Until DD said they all had 'big cheesey grins like this' [ting]
DH was looking at my walking sticks and noticed a chip in the handle of one of them which he asked about.
DS2 (12) said "I was really cheeky to Mum so she hit me with it, but unfortunately she caught the wall with the handle!"
DH's face was like this and he asked me "Really?"
DS2 sent his rugby kit home with his friend because his friend's mum doesn't have much to do.
SHL - rofl, i would loved to have been at that gathering...
When DD was at day nursery aged about 3 she came home 1 day with her new jeans in a carrier bag covered in mud.
When I asked her what happened, she told that me that Viv (her keyworker) had left the nursery gate open when they were playing outside and the binmen came in and pushed her into the mud
at 18(!!!!!)i left a note for my mum and dad saying that a burglar had burst into the house, held a gun to my head and demanded that i take the £20 of the side then take him into town!!!!! so i guess some kids never grow out of it!
Me "Who has scribbled all over this door with marker pen?"
Dd2 "Not me."
Me "Well, who was it then?"
Dd2 "Maybe a ghost. Perhaps a clown."
when i was about 9 i broke a black and white tv but blamed my sister (aged 3 at the time).
last year, my mum, sister and I were all reminiscing and mum said how sad she'd been when the tv was broken because it had been a wedding present. I came clean and confessed but my sister said i was just trying to make her feel better and that she remembers doing it! Erm no, she remembers me telling her she did it! She still thinks she did it
I'm still not sure why anyone believed me, the television was on a high cupboard that my sister couldn't reach!
my "sister" broke my dad's glasses too but that's another story and one that i'm never going to confess to...
Mia now you have to tell us!!!
I remember my dad had a large collection of expensive aftershaves....I then 6 and my cousin then 7 thought it would be fun to mix them all together in the sink...
we blamed my cousins mum who lived with us lol she was in her 50's then
Ooo, Miamla - you haveto tell now.
Me: DS, who scribbled on the wall.
Me: DS, did you scribble on the wall?
Me: Well, who did it then?
DS: You did it mummy. You took the pen and you scribbled and scribbled and scribbled (with manic scribbling actions)
Me: No DS I didnt do it.
DS: Well... I think you did do it mummy. And you are very naughty telling fibs so you wont have any sweeties today. And Im going to tell daddy.
oh and DS to a friend...
Mummy hasnt got a willy because the postman chopped it off !
Ds1 once told us that ds2 was responsible for the line of crayon drawn right the way down the stairs - as if a small boy had walked down the stairs trailing a crayon along the wall. He maintained his story until we took the pair of them to the staircase and showed him that, even with a crayon in his hand, ds2 couldn't reach the line!
But the most implausible lie they tell - that has to be, "Yes mum - I have tidied my bedroom."
Oh and dh once told MIL that dbil had scratched his name into the furniture - unfortunately dbil was only a year old at the time.
When I was about 6 my brother fell through the window in the front door and cut his arm and had to go to hospital. The lady over the road saw it and gave him a huge box of maltesers, such as we NEVER we allowed. The next morning half of them had been eaten. My second brother swore it wasn't him and blamed me. I got told off and it was forever assumed it was me.
When I was about 13 I was home alone and cooked myself dinner. I used the frying pan and got it too hot and put it down on the brand new formica surface. The surface bubbled and blistered, and made a mess. I swore black was white that I hadn't been near it at all. My mum went back to the company who sold them the kitchen and made them replace the work surface (a huge piece)
When I was about 25 we were sitting and talking one Christmas late at night over a bottle of wine, and we both confessed to the crimes. Both caused equal amount of gasps of outrage and laughter in the family, but I've always felt sorry for the kitchen people....ga
dds wrote his name on the carpet in crayon when he was 5 and insisted it was dd. the fact that she was 2 and therefore would have had dificulty writin her own name, let alone anyone elses...
just yesterday a fruitshoot healthy drink disappeared off the kitchen side.
"did you take it dd2?"
"no. it not me. it hidden in my bed. you not find it there."
she is 2.8
My dog is often blamed for stuff that happens in this house!
But then she has a habit of asking the dog if both mummy and daddy say no "but bob said yes" Did he indeed!!
Staying sunny, what is even funnier is that when you say to them "so if i go up there and check, it will be tidy" they say yes My DD sTILL does this - she is 18!
You're so right, LucyEllensmummy!! Is it delusional behaviour, or some sort of selective blindness, do you think?
Christiana- that brings back memories:
Me: What did you do at nursery?
DD1: Nothing! They (staff) made us lie down and suck our thumbs all day.
I am starting to worry a little abtou DS and DD who never seem to come up with anything as imaginative as these
After something broke
DD: Bastian did it
referring to her brother who was 3 months at the time
on dd1's first day at nursery they apparently "hit each uvvier with sticks" all day
this thread has given me such a laugh, i particularly love the sister eaten by a pig, "i think you did do it mummy" and the innocence of "it hidden in my bed. you not find it there"
Yesterday DD was trying to shoo DH out of the kitchen after she saw the chocolate buttons on the worktop (she has a horrible eye infection and they are being used as bribes):
DH: "Don't you steal the chocolate buttons now"
DD: "I'm not stealing them Daddy, I'm just SMELLING them"
DS (5.9) yelled for me when he was in the bath. He's got blood running from a cut under his nose.
Said the rubber duck did it
Checked said duck, couldn't even cut my finger on it.
Couldn't see anything out of the ordinary which he could cut himself on, and presumed he just scratched himself.
Chatted to the child-minder a couple of days later, she mentioned the cut looked like a razor blade slice.
Quizzed DS about it, and he sheepishly admitted to it (forgot I had left my old style Venus razor on the side, looked like a Veet razor)
And when DS was 3.5, DH walked in on DS scribbling on brand new 32" LCD TV with purple wax crayon.
DS jumps out of his skin, and promptly blames the dog
ds4 was getting potty trained...... i found a "present of the brown type" in a corner hidden behind a toy. me- "ds4 did you do that?" ds4-" it was david "(ds1, teenaged). ds4 wets the bed- "it was david", toilet suddenly has mountain of loo roll emerging from the bowl -" it was david"! ,
"DS jumps out of his skin, and promptly blames the dog"
Many years ago, my brother had just learned to write his name. Mysteriously, his name was scratched into the family piano by our younger sister.
I once asked DS1, when we were alone, whether he had written the F word in the dust on top of the TV [slovenly]. He denied it but 1) it was in his handwriting and 2) miraculously, the top of the TV was dusted when I looked a short while later
A friend (and fellow MNer) once phoned up after she'd been round with her children to comment on the "funny but very rude song" my DSs had apparently taught hers. I quizzed DSs later to see where they'd picked it up from (out of curiosity) and they told me all about a song the friend's DS had taught them which went something like "F*ck f*ck chicken..." By all accounts, the other boy looked rather sheepish when his mum mentioned it to him.
DD said DS1 hit her.
DS1 wasn't even in the room.
I wish I had read the thread before I posted. Mine is boring,
Funniest "lie" was actually told by my cousin many years ago: our uncle was staying with them and cousin was only little, about 7'ish I think, and uncle was sleeping in his bedroom on spare bed.
We heard lots of noise the next morning and uncle came downstairs with three lines of black marker drawn perfectly across his forehead, cousin of course "nothing to do with me!"
"It is not a real tattoo, it is a new kind of tattoo which is semi-permanent and washed off after 6 weeks like some hair dyes".
I believed her for 6 weeks.
Ds1 (3) has been talking a lot about Martin from nusery lately, 'Martin didn't like his lunch today & wouldn't try it', 'Martin made a mess when he spilled the glitter' & so on. I asked the nursery about it, there's no Martin but funnily enough these are things that ds1 has done himself!
I wonder when he will cotton on to blaming ds2?!
Ok, this isn't my own child, but a boy in my class at school. He is 6.
He brought a new hat into school for show and tell.
Me: Well, that is a lovely hat. Where did you get it from?
Boy: Weeeell. It used to me my Grandad's in the war, but the Germans took it from my Grandad and killed him and put the hat in the charity shop and that's where my mum found it. The very same hat.
Me: Ok then! Thanks for that- moving on...
The DTDs had to provide information for their nursery school teachers to put in the Mother's Day cards.
So DTD2's card came home with the sentences
"My mother's name is MadamDeathStare, she is 72 years old and she is a worker who makes umbrellas".
This was actually an improvement on DTD1's card which said "My mother looks her prettiest when she takes off her jammas and puts on clean clothes".
Perhaps not lies, but an overactive imagination...
When DD was about 3 she decided that she was lonely in bed at night because Mummy and Daddy shared a room and her 2 other siblings shared, but she was on her own. So she invented a whole army of animals and minibeasts from the garden who used to climb the drainpipe and squeeze through a tiny imaginary hole in the wall that only she could see. They'd then climb into her bed, where they'd grow big enough to cuddle her and keep her company. For quite a while her favourite friend was a white rabbit. No problem there then. But then for some reason the rabbit left and her special secret bedtime friend was a worm. A pink worm who wasn't slimey but was cuddly and warm.
We tried to keep very very calm and matter of fact, and just hoped she wouldn't continue to elaborate.....
Thankfully, the worm phase passed without alerting any suspicious nursery teachers, and she moved onto hairy spiders and then more conventional bears.
Big sigh of relief.
My 5year old told his Sunday school teacher I had wings but nobody could see them as I kept them under my jumper!
He also managed to convince me that he was allowed to wear his new bright red trainers with his sheep costume for the Christmas play this year as "all the sheep had to be cheerful!! " ( am I a bad mother for falling for this one as all the other 'sheep' had their regular school shoes on!?)
However, One of my sisters twins at the age of 5 told her teacher that her mummy had had another baby but nobody had seen it as she kept it in a cupboard!!!
Oh and I cut my sister's hair with nail scissors when she was 3 and I was 6. I was clearly never cut out to be a hairdresser, and my attempts to get it straight left her with little more than stubble for a fringe.
The misdemeanor was exacerbated......I blamed it on my granny as we'd just spent a weekend at theirs. Mum was furious and things were icy between them for a long while.
I once got in the bathroom and horror, the walls and ceilling where platered with pink balls of toilet paper.
According to Ds3 (5yo), it is DD4, (2.4yo) who climbed on the sink to wet toilet paper and then threw it on the ceilling!
In a posh restaurant, took ds to the ladies loo where I stood and waited with him in the cubicle....ds shouts "Mum! I've just seen your bottom and it made my eyes water"... manic giggles from the ladies who were queueing up outside. Then the "walk of shame" getting through said queue back to our table
Kaytee you've just reminded me of being in the loo with ds in a supermarket. I needed to go too and when I was he piped up with "mum, why don't ladies have willies?" and proceeded to machine-gun questions at me regarding that part of my anatomy. I could hear the sniggers outside the cubicle and when we walked out there were two women who were literally bent double over the sinks almost crying with laughter.
DSS is blamed atleast once every day by DS2 (4yo). Everything from
DS2 eating a biscuit he has pinched from the cupboatd - "DS2 who said you could have a biscuit" "Henry did Mummy"
"DS2 did you draw on your bedroom wall with Daddy's black marker pen?" "No Mummy Henry did" (while stood there with pen on face, arms and legs and a pen shape lump down his sock)
potentially plausible except DSS is 13 ives with his Mum and comes to visit approx once a month!!!
Kaytee - Fantastic!
I was in a changing room with my DS when he was 2.5. I was trying on a dress and he shouted 'Mummy, I can see your pink boobies. Oh no! Now your boobies have fallen on the floor'. He confused bras with boobs.....honest!
I am sure he's told some fantastic whoppers but I can't think of any. He did tell us that he saw a rat at school and that he had kicked the rat when it tried to run towards him. Obviously we didn't believe him. However, that one turned out to be true! The rat is a regular visitor to the school and it is not scared of the kids. It tried to run in DS's direction and he walloped it! We felt like bad parents as we managed to convinced him that he had made it up .
Not sure which is funnier, the whoppers DD tells on the way home in the car or the way DS swallows them.
DD (2.5) - Its not nice to knock your house down
DS (4) - No its not
DD - Grandad knocked my house down
DS - Mummy, M says Grandad has knocked the house down!
Me - I think she means a pretend house, don't worry about it
DS - M, do you mean a pretend house?
DD - No, Grandad knocked my REAL house all down. Hes not kind.
DS (getting panicky) - Mummy she said he knocked our REAL house down!!!!
Me (pulling into driveway) - Heres our house, look its fine.
DS - Oh. I thought Grandad had knocked it down.
Me, 7, little bro, 5. Found 2 packs of 20 fags in the room our cousin had been staying in after he'd gone. Shut ourselves into my room and smoked the lot. Didn't know how to put them out after a couple of drags on each so dumped them in the basin in the corner with tap on low. Little bro says "I feel sick, get mum". I run downstairs and get mum.
Mum opens bedroom door, takes in smoke filled room and basin full of wet fag butts and says "You've been smoking". We say "No, we haven't". Really thought she'd believe that one.
It's strange what suspicious minds mums have, isn't it Jux. I can't imagine what made her leap to such a wild conclusion!
My dc's aren't as imaginative as some on here.
But I remember when ds2 was 1 and ds1 was 4, ds 1 was crying. When I asked ds1 what had happened he replied 'I think he trapped his fingers in the door....or I might have trapped them for him...'
My mum's bloody clever as we learnt to our cost that day, Stayingsunnygirl!
Tiny Clanger once hoodwinked her entire class, including the teacher, into believing that she was in fact the little blonde French girl from the Petit Filous adverts that were on a few years ago. I have never quite lived it down.
My brother used to claim to be the baby on the Pampers box.
I asked my son who made that hole in the corner of the windowsill and wall. I dont know, maybe it was a bogler who came in and used daddy's new pen.
Woret would have to be DB who used to come home from nursery for weeks covered in cuts and bruises when asked about it would say that a boy called Annie did it. Mum promptly went into the nursery furious at their lack of control over the children to be toled that there was no boy there called annie and that DB was a very clumsy child. Which is still true to this day and he's now a father himself and 21!! However when quizzed about it he still blames annie. we may have believed the nursery were lying if it wasn't for the fact that annie started to do naughty things at home like eating all the chocolate out of DB advent calender.
latest one - from DS1..........
"no mumm I wasn't up playing on the computer in the middle of the night"
ermm right - that's why I was fast asleep in bed upstairs while apparently playing on car games online...............at 3am (the joys on an internet history )
I can't get passed Sparklyheartlust's DD 'peep'o-ing out of Mummy's fluffy' to her colleague
OMG am crying
By MadamDeathstare on Sat 21-Feb-09 13:17:30
The DTDs had to provide information for their nursery school teachers to put in the Mother's Day cards.
So DTD2's card came home with the sentences
"My mother's name is MadamDeathStare, she is 72 years old and she is a worker who makes umbrellas".
This was actually an improvement on DTD1's card which said "My mother looks her prettiest when she takes off her jammas and puts on clean clothes".
I love this one and from now on, when I see MadamDeathstare's name I will be seeing a wizened umbrella-maker
Oh this one is a classic!!!
DP collected ds1 10yrs from school yesterday and as usual bought him a chocolate bar and a milkshake..cos he knows i don't allow him to have them..
anyway he also bought me a snicker and ds2 17m a kitkat
so ds1 eats his on way home ds2 has 1 finger of kitkat and i leave the rest on the side..
its gone this morning so
ME: ds1 did you eat ds2;s chocolate
ds1: No mum, i thought about it but i couldn't find it but the wrapper turned up in my room, dad or ds2 must have put it there........
errrrrrrrrr while they were asleep?
DS's first year in his new junior school age 7. Asked to write about Christmas at home. "We don't have Christmas dinner in our house" he wrote, "all we do is stuff our faces with crisps and chocolate and sweets"! This gets pinned up on the wall with all the other offerings as part of the display for parents' evening. We are forced to stand there and watch everyone read it!
I have been chortling about peep-o out of Mummy's fuffy for days now.
My brother, at the age of about 6, having been bought a new pair of cream jeans (what was my mum thinking?!)and been told that they're for best and not for playing outside in, came in with one leg rolled up to the thigh and one up to the knee and swore blind - even as my mum was unrolling them - that he absolutely positively hadn't been on his bike in his new jeans and that the big black marks on them weren't oil from the chain.
On another occasion, when asked what he'd done at school that day, told my parents that his teacher (in her late 50s) had stood on her head for an hour. Legend.
When I was at a friend's house the other day, her son (3yrs) proudly announced, "I did a wee on the train." Of course I thought he meant that he had weed while riding on a train, but he'd actually weed onto a toy train! Later that day he actually weed on his 1-yr-old sister. So the weeing on sibling story may actually be more plausible than it sounds.
My uncle wrote a story at school about how his dad (my grandad) went to the pub and punched a man on the nose. Total fiction. Cue my poor grandmother dragged into school with regards to this random act of violence.
My grandad was a police man so unlikely to have done this in his time off
I bit the new velvet curtains in the lounge (no idea why) and blamed it on my sister. Even after the subsequent tooth match up I got away with it because my front teeth had fallen out between the crime and the investigation. My parents still don't know
I know it's not a childrens lie, but I've heard of a headteacher who told a bunch of 11-year-olds that the furry hat she wears for playground duty in the winter, is made from her cat. And they believed her - it's a legend in the school, apparently.
as a child my little sister told everyone that a man 'with a green car' tried to lure her away from the park with promises of puppies/kittens etc.
my parents were horrified, the police were called and it was mentioned in the local paper.
20 years later she confessed (whilst drunk) that she made it up because she was 'being ignored'
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