My 12-month old is constantly screaming, whining, and crying and I need help!!!

(7 Posts)
jenjoosh Mon 19-Jan-09 17:48:19

If anyone can offer any suggestions, I would be incredibly grateful. My 12-month old daughter only wants to be held and entertained. When we leave the room, she screams bloody murder. She can see us through the gate and we talk to her and tell her that we're right there, but she still screams. She will only nap on us - not in the crib. As soon as we put her in the crib, she starts crying. It just seems like she's ALWAYS crying or screaming and I am just at my wits end. I love her more than life itself but I need to figure out a way to be able to go to the bathroom at the very least!! How long is it ok to let her cry? Is that the only way she will learn?? Please help!!! Thanks so much in advance...

bubblagirl Mon 19-Jan-09 18:06:00

i used to leave my ds to cry to be honest not for huge amounts of time i would go back into room give him a toy kiss his head and walk back out again

but they do this through phases he got out of it and at 2 went back again the out of it few months later clingy again i tend to pay no attention and not fuss too much otherwise they want it all the time

as for sleeping in day time i dint mind him sleeping on me at night id sit beside the cot not giving any attention but just so he could see i was there and id let him cry for few mins then sshhh sleep time and sit back again he'd tire himself out in the end and doze off

in all honesty children of that age have no concept of i'll be back or 2 mins they only see you leave and dont understand you'll be back its something they gradually learn

Sycamoretree Mon 19-Jan-09 18:18:01

This is classic separation anxiety - it kicks in with full force at 12 months. Have you got any baby books you can dust off and see if they have a bit on this? Most do - it's incredibly reassuring to realise their behaviour is completely normal.

My DS is 17 months and still is a bit tricky, but nothing like the wails I used to get when I left for work, for example. He still needs a lot more carrying and cossetting than his big sister did, but it's gradually getting easier.

Like bubbla says, they don't understand you've only gone for a cup of tea, to them you may as well have gone to the moon!

I found it helped (me, psychologically) to try and tell DS "mummy's just going to make a cup of tea now" before leaving the room. I felt like if he heard that phrase enough times when I left the room and came back swiftly afterwards, then it might become a comfort to him to hear it.

No idea if it made a difference, but it made me feel as though I was trying SOME sort of tactic!

Sycamoretree Mon 19-Jan-09 18:21:40

Also, might she be teething?

THe sleep thing - my only advice is to do everything you can to nip this in the bud because imo it will probably only get worse and more diffcult to solve as she gets older. I don't have any great advice as we never had this issue (she fear of sleepless nights forever meant we never allowed it to happen) but hopefully someone will be along who has experience of getting a lap-napper back into the cot.

I did manage to successfully ditch DS's dummy about two months ago though (at 15 months) which I thought would be murder as he had never gone to sleep without one. The first day was awful, but you know, that three day rule was really true. By day 4 he was nodding off on his own, no dummy, barely a grizzle.

lljkk Mon 19-Jan-09 18:27:56

Get out to toddler groups to wear her out and let you chat to other people, give her spoons just dipped in milk or calpol to walk around with, if it helps. Why does she have to stay behind the gate, let her come with you if you can, even to the bathroom?
I pat DS on his back to sleep (he lies on his tum), have you tried that?
I have a clingy 11 month old, so I know what it's like!!

Gemtubbs Mon 19-Jan-09 23:16:29

Hello. Sorry that I don't have any advice but, just to let you know that I am in a similar situation. My DS is 1 now and I can't leave him on his own in a room with out him crawling over to the gate and crying until I come back. He sleeps on me during the day and in my bed during the night. But, when we are with other people or at a play group, he will happily go off without me. I'm just going with the flow, but not a lot of house work gets done tbh. x

meandjoe Tue 20-Jan-09 07:13:02

it's normal as everyone else says. my 17 month old still doesn't want to nap in his cot, he does sleep very well in his cot at night so i don't force the issue! i let him nap in his pushchair but up until recently he always always napped on me, i actually loved the cuddle time but it was very inconvenient when i needed the loo or wanted a drink but couldn't move for 2 hours!

ds just comes everywhere with me, i leave doors open and he can follow me if he wants to but lately will often choose to stay and play for a minute on his own. i leave downstairs toliet door open when i go in there and usually he'll follow me but it doesn't bother me, i am so used to it now!

i'd go with it as much as possible, the more you fight it, the more anxious she will feel. ds likes to know the option is there for him to go everywhere with me, if i shut the door behind me, he screams, leave the door open and he will sit and play, then follow me if i'm gone for more han a minute. xx

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