2yr old dd behaviour is getting to me

[misdee]

dd2 behaviour is totally off the wall atm. i know its partly to do with dh being in hospital and me having a baby and her being confused by the whole thing. plus i keep leaving her with others when i'm visiting dh (she seems to have a permanent cold so cant take her to see him). She is shrieking constantly, tantrums over anything, breaking things (she has ripped up puzzles, books, and today smashed her new cereal bowl which she got yesterday as a present from grandma). all i get told is 'u must be firm with her', or 'put her in her room'. except being firm and putting her in time out doesnt work. they say 2mins of time out should work, but it doesnt. she can scream for england. after 2 minutes i let her out, try to comfort her, ask to continue what she was meant to be doing before she was timed out (like going to eat her dinner) and she'll start again. she gets warnings, they dont work. she doesnt understand stickers, so charts wouldnt work.

please help me.

[magnolia1]

{{{{{Hugs}}}}} To you!! I don't have any answers but she must be finding it ever so hard with everything you have going on at the moment!
In my opinion (and it is only an opinion) I don't think time out works at all for a 2 year old!! Katie is nearly 2 and I tried using a time out chair, well that was just the silliest thing I ever did!! She threw it (it isn't very heavy

I know I havn't helped at all but wanted to say Keep your chin up and thinking of you :-) xxx

[Jimjams]

misdee is this your dd who scores as moderate PDD on that link in SN? If so I think you need an assessment to see where her communincation skills are. If she does have a communication disorder then things like star charts won't necessarily work (you need something much more immediate).

How does she respond when shouted at? DS1 loves it! Lots of atttention and he doesn't understand people being cross. Also quiute frankly he doesn't give a damn if we're annoyed! Therefore we have to keep responses to bad behaviour very neutral, with no attention given. If he gets too hideous I put him in his room and literally bolt him in (well not bolt I use two travel barriers on top of each other- useful as I can see throough the mesh to check he isn't doing anything hideous or dangerous".

[misdee]

thats her jimjams. i find her very hard work /(as does everyone). she has no concept of danger yet, so telling her not to do something wont work. the only thing she understands is 'hot/cold'. shouting doesnt generally work unles it makes her jump. shout at her, she shouts back.

[Jimjams]

what sort of paed did you see before? I really think if she's scoring mod PDD she needs to be properly assessed by people who know what they're doing.

Have you reduced your language with her and tried telling her what to do rather than what not to do. EG if I say "agggh don't climb over the stiar bannister" (as ds1's leg appears 2 stoories up) he laughs and carries on wheras if I say "ds1 down" he gets down!.

[Jimjams]

also countdowns- if she's fixed on something say "last time then countdown- 5, 4 ,3 ,2 ,1 finsihed" Works really well with ds1. Cuts screaming dramatically.

[misdee]

will try those. last time she saw paed was aboput her walking, not sure what 'area' he specialised in, but he was pretty useless. in fact the whole hospital is useless.

[haven]

sounds just a lil like ds....he is almost 22 months and holy terror....!!!! Gotten to where we can hardly bring him anywhere because of the temper tantrums and the whining!!!! oh god the whining....he screaches like an animal of some sort...the only thing that kinda works for a minute is if i pinch him...i tried talking...i tried popping...i tried ignoring...(he starts kicking and finding ways to get your attention) so i pinch, and wisper in his ear to slow down...the pinch just gets him to listen long enough to see what is going on in (our world)...holloring at him doen't accomplish anything if he has gotten to the "out of it stage", although if he is being normal that day a simple fuss will do...he is spoiled (rotten i must add) i have contemplated over pdd and the A word, but right now i think alot that i kill myself over are stages....he does the arm flap (only when he gets mad) and stomps his feet, he screaches ( when he gets mad ) , his language up until about 1 week ago was almost a year behind, he's a head banger ( but manly when it is time to go to sleep, atleast until lately he started doing it in the car seat, he bangs his head on the back), inappropriate face ( when you think a child will be excited he blanks out, no smile no nothing just a blank look.. ) among numerous other things, i thins lil boys are just different from lil girls.....and they are definetely a hand full...!!!! if anyone has advice or lord,

[mummylonglegs]

Sorry you've got so much to contend with right now, misdee. What's PDD by the way?

Not much reassurance but my dd, who's 2 1/2 definitely seemed to change in behaviour when just turned 1. She also wouldn't understand 'stickers' and star charts just yet and time out seems useless on her. The only thing I find helps is to sit with her doing her absolute favourite thing for at least half an hour with no other distractions and then she becomes all angelic again. Not sure you can do that with an older dd and all the other stresses in your life. What I'm getting at I guess is that maybe this behaviour is totally to do with wanting full on attention and also her picking up on all the difficulties you guys have been going through lately.

You are a bit of a hero in my mind, misdee, as you are in lots of other people's I've noticed.

[Jimjams]

Is there a CDC near you misdee? If you marched along to HV/GP waving the moderate PDD result at them do you think they would do something (ie refer on). I can't remember whether she would pass the CHAT test (did you say that she doesn't follow a point???) Because if she doesn't that would be worth mentioning as well. Was she a preemie?

Sorry lots of questions. It's just that if a child is scoring moderate PDD I think that needs to be investiagted before trying usual stuff as it may not work. (PDD is pervasive developmental disorder mummylonglegs- another word for communication disorders/autism etc).

Try countdowns though - they can be near miraculous.

[misdee]

she wasnt prem. i hinestly dont know how the HV works here, as only moved to this district in august, and have seen the HV 4 times, twice for dd2, twice to get dd3 weighed. last time hv came round (and she did this with the midwives as well) she hid between the sofas, with her head in her hands eyes tight shut (could tell she had her eyes screwed up by the 'wrinkles'). she had a 2.5yr check recently and barely spoke to the HV only to me, she did the puzzle quick (ELC wooden one where you put the pictures in the correct holes, way too easy for dd2), wouldnt build towers but named colours. and directed my hand to do things for her, but i made her do the puzzle herself.

[Jimjams]

does she always use your hand, rather than point herself?

[misdee]

yes. she used to point tho. and sometimes does but not in the direction she wants something. i can get her to do 'wind the bobbin up' and she'll point up and down, to the window and door etc. id she can see it cleasrly she can point to something. if not then its everywhere. she does use her index finger as well which is meant to be a good thing i've heard.