Why is my 14 month old dd still crying all the time???

(24 Posts)
thisisthelast Sat 27-Sep-08 19:16:06

My 14 month old has always been a very difficult baby. I wont go into too many details as Im sure most of you have read my many posts before.

Basically, she cried loads, always wanted to be carried around, never wanted to sit still or be cuddled, wouldn't sleep in the day, cried in the buggy/ high chair car seat.

Everyone kept saying how much easier it would get once she could sit up/ crawl/ walk. Well she's doing all these things now and although she doesnt want carrying all the time, in many ways she has got harder.

She whinges and moans all the time, screams to be picked up but then cries to be put down, cries when I put her down, cries in the buggy, cries at everything.

Ive taken her to the doctors several times, asked the health visitors, taken her to a cranial osteopath, nothing seems to make her any happier or less frustrated.

I am really struggling as dp works away a lot and I also have a 4 year old dd who is lovely but a handful.

Really pulling my hair out. She cries for absolutely nothing and I have found myself feeling angry and resentful towards her which isnt fair. I love her but I really dont like her most days.

Whats going on?

thisisthelast Sat 27-Sep-08 19:19:21

bumping, really desperate!

JuneBugJen Sat 27-Sep-08 19:28:49

Not much help to give but feel for you!

Perhaps she just doesnt like being a baby. Some babies who I know have been satanic, then become lovely toddlers or even later. And vice versa.

Apparently I was child from heaven until age 12, then teenager from hell. You may just have it in reverse.

Do you think she gets enough stimulation during the day? Do you go to playgroups or as DH away alot do you get any time off

thisisthelast Sun 28-Sep-08 08:12:50

Thanks for the post. Yes I take her to play groups twice a week and swimming once a week and also go out as much as possible. She deffinitely does get bored easily and therefore doesn't like being in the buggy for too long which makes it difficult actually getting out.

She is just so highly strung and I never know when she'll meltdown. It's like living with a time-bomb and I'm treading on egg shells all day.

DD1 is suffering as all my attention is on DD2 and preventing her from screaming/ tantrumming. Thank God dp does give me time on my own with each of the girls but I don't get any time to myself which is hard.

DD1 was a lovely child at this age and I can't help but feel Ive messed up somehow.

elmoandella Sun 28-Sep-08 08:28:37

you haven't messed up.

it's just her personality. she may just be more highly strung and attention seeking than dd1.

there's not really much you can do about it. except hope she grows into a lovely popular tennager.

she may get better once she learns to talk. and it becomes easier to control the melt-downs as you can reason/bribe (and possible selotape her to a chair)her.

good luck. it's hard going. it's only a few years and she'll be off to nursery in mornings then school all day. hang on in there for your time to yourself.

thisisthelast Sun 28-Sep-08 08:45:11

Thanks elmo,

I am concerned that she will still be like this even when she is at school. I know its 3 years away but I cant see how they are going to cope with her. She wont sit still, hates any kind of chair.

I only hope that as she talks and makes sense of things then she will mellow a bit and learn to stay still.

At the minute sge cries if I restrain her at all, even in my arms shes wriggling to get down but then cries to be picked up again.

I cant work her out. She won't hold my hand when she walks either so I have to put her in the buggy which also cheeses her off enormously!

She does seem attention seeking but then when I give her attention she cries anyway. She laughs with us and smiles but then it always ends with her whinging again.

elmoandella Sun 28-Sep-08 10:07:42

once she starts talking she'll start holding your hand when given the ultimatum to do so or she's going in buggy.

she'll quickly learning she'd prefer to hold hand over strapped in.

and she is too young to have a long enough attention span to sit on a chair for longer than about 3 secs is average.

dont worry. once she gets to school age she'll be fine.

also, because she cant communicate properly with you she loses her temper very quickly as she's getting frustrated. and she doesn't ever know what she actually wants at this time. she wants to be up/down/running/eating all at same time as they dont understand that theres time to do everything at seperate times.

and by this time next year she will definately be sitting down and watching dvd if nothing else. they cant resist some daft crap. and personally in this house there's nothing better than watching shrek for the millionth time when you want 30 mins peace before bed to drink a cup of tea while she's drinking her milk beside you winding down for sleep.

when you have a dc thats goes hell for leather all day long it's bliss.you just gotta find something she really loves to keep her attention. lol.

meandmyjoe Sun 28-Sep-08 13:45:04

Hi thisisthelast I can relate to a lot of what you are saying. DS has been walking for about 2 months now and rarely holds my hand for more than a minute before wriggling off or crying when I keep hold of him. He's 13 months old and is actually a lot more cheerful than he used to be!

He was the same as your dd2, very difficult as a baby, never let me sit down. Cried loads and whinged most of the day. I remember talking to you on many threads as our experiences were so similar.

A lot of the things you are describing, we are experiencing now. He still whinges when left in his high chair for more than 5 minutes, only goes in the buggy for 30 mins but needs loads of snacks and toys to amuse him for those 30 mins!

He has massive screamy tantrums when I try and make him sit still or take him away from something he was doing. I just thought it was quite normal! He is such a dream compared to how he used to be but I do appreciate that he is still very highly strung and determined. These traits can fill me with delight and fury all at the same time!

Even as I'm carrying him, he's leaning over and diving to get to things he shouldn't be! 'Tis very tiring and draining but I really think that they'll ease up even mopre when they are talking and if not at least we'll be able to bribe them!

I know lots of babies at my toddler group who are never still for more than 3 seconds. However, they can be easily distracted from something they shouldn't be doing where as my ds screeches and wails, I think he is just strong willed and p**sed off that I can't understand him, also when I tell him why I'm doing it he can't understand me. For example I'll take him away from a toy for a snack round the table but he just doesn't like that I've taken him away from what he was doing. When he's older he'll hopefully be able to understand when I ask him if he wants to go to the table and eat. Just little things like this will hopefully cut down on the battles!

It's difficult and I sympathise, i know exactly what you mean and how you feel. It will slowly get better. DS has very very very slowly improved over the months but he still has foul days where I can't do anything right for him. He screams and cries no matter what. These are the days when bedtime feels a very very long way off!

thisisthelast Sun 28-Sep-08 15:00:04

Hi meandmyjoe, long time no see. Lovely of you to post. Happy things are improving for you. I suppose in some ways she must have got easier but somedays it is very hard to see it. She still yells and whines a huge amount of the day.

I really hope what you say about the dvd is true elmo. It has given me a little hope. I just feel so bloomin guilty that I don't enjoy her and there is never a day when I don't just count down the mins til she goes to bed. She is unbearable somedays. Not like she's crying in pain, just general grumpiness and getting her dressed or nappy changed is a screamy nightmare.

We cant even go out for a meal as a family as she plays up so much in a high chair, after 5 mins we have to leave.

She's just so full on!

thisisthelast Sun 28-Sep-08 19:17:15

Oh my God, she won't even go in the bath now! Seriously, what am I doing wrong???

ShyBaby Sun 28-Sep-08 19:44:44

You are not doing anything wrong! I really feel for you as my dd was a nightmare.

As a newborn she spent every day screaming and I never found out why. When she got old enough to tantrum oh boy did she, about 15 times most days. No matter what I did she was grumpy, angry and downright nasty at times. I couldn't take her anywhere she would play up so much. She would cover me with bruises and bite me.

She is also stubborn and determined. Messed with everything she could lay her hands on and never took any notice of the word "no".

I dont know what happened but when she turned three she suddenly started to settle down and she's a lovely little girl now. Very sweet and helpful (although she still makes a terrible mess).

thisisthelast Sun 28-Sep-08 20:11:24

Oh thank you shybaby, gives me a little more hope. How old is your dd now? 3 just seems like a long way away. I'm sure she'll mellow out and become happier at some point or else she is going to be very unpopular at school! Shes in bed at the minute though so at least I get some much needed quiet time.

Twelvelegs Sun 28-Sep-08 20:16:56

Get your HV to spend an afternoon with you so they can take you seriously and give you some real and practical strategies.

ShyBaby Mon 29-Sep-08 02:20:52

thisisthelast...I posted so much on mumsnet about my dd (under my old name granted) and lots of people said to me she would grow out of it.

As much as I appreciated their advice I did (at the time) still feel like they were being flippant, I still felt like tearing my hair out. I just was not used to this kind of child! grin

My ds had always been so placid and here I was facing a monster who would literally kick the crap out of me for no reason at all.

But she is so different now. Im not sure I did anything to remedy her behaviour, because I had tried everything...I just got on with it because I had to and over time she became rather lovely smile.

I didn't enjoy her first years at all but we make up for it now...and strangely I remember the feeling of how awful it was, I remember posting on here...but I dont feel a tad resentful now of how she was.

If I can find some of my old posts for you I will link them smile

Oh, she is 4.5 (ish) btw and just started "primy" school. Im so proud of her.

nappyaddict Mon 29-Sep-08 02:55:12

ds gets like this unless i take him to a group every day. it gets a bit tedious but it is better than having a screaming toddler around me. so monday we go to the library story time and toddler swimming, tuesday we go to toddler group, wed we go to tumble tots and toddler group, thursday we go to toddler group and friday we go to music group. on the days we only do one thing we also go to the park or to soft play. if i miss an activity i have the child from hell!!

dooneygirl Mon 29-Sep-08 03:11:39

I had a DD like this. She never slept, screamed all the time, had horrible colic until 5 months, never wanted anyone else to hold her, even daddy, and on and on. Everyone told me she would be better eventually, but I hated it. I wanted it now. Especially after we hit her 1st birthday and she never showed any signs of being better. She never did get any better, and the Dr. never helped.

Not long after she turned 2, it is like a switch flipped, and she suddenly at least stopped screaming at people if they talked to her. Things finally got better and better, and now she's a big people person, and you could not find a bigger daddy's girl. She even goes around singing and laughing all the time, and is an amazing joy to be around. DH and i can't believe it and often comment about how it is such a relief everything has changed. Hopefully someday your DD will do the same.

ShyBaby Mon 29-Sep-08 03:25:39

Dooney! how are you? (sorry hyjack alert) tis me with another name change!

dooneygirl Mon 29-Sep-08 03:39:40

Would it be the one and only me that I think you are???? Actually, stalking you and reading your posts, it is.

We're great. Just got back from Chicago with the kids. Was just thinking of you tonight, actually. I'll e-mail you in a few days, as I'm now "Teacher (Myrealname) at DS's preschool on Mondays, and they're very busy for me. I'm just her assistant, but am there all day and DD comes, too.

(Off to properly stalk you to see how you are)

Hijack over. Thank you.

thisisthelast Mon 29-Sep-08 06:38:35

Hi dooney, everyone told me my dd had colic as she was so unsettled but in my heart I knew it wasn't colic. She was just generally grumpy throughout the day, it wasn't high pitched screaming colic crying in the evening, just grizzling and moaning most of the day. She just never grew out of it!!! She often cries at strangers if they talk to her in the buggy or when visitors come to the house, she hides behind my legs and cries for ages.

Shybaby, I'd like to read some of your old posts if possible. I think that's what's really bothering me that my dd1 and every other baby I have met have been so different to her. I have met others on mumsnet with same age babies who struggled the same as me but they've all seen big improvements since they got mobile and I feel so crap! I'm glad theyve seen improvement but have been left feeling a bit alone now!

Thanks for all the posts, it does help.

thisisthelast Mon 29-Sep-08 06:41:25

ps what the hell were you all doing up at 3am? lol!

meandmyjoe Tue 30-Sep-08 19:37:09

Just wondering how things are going thisisthelast? Hope you are doing OK.

jadey24 Mon 28-Sep-09 13:11:58

I am going through the same thing did some google for the same problem and came across ur post at least u know ur not alone with it
My dd is also 14 months and always been a moaner since she was about 3 months old & its driving me insane as she seems otherwise healthy and reaching all milestones on time etc etc. People told me she is just frustrated she will get better when she walks and talks but it hasnt made much difference nw she is doing those things. She gets our attention as she is our only child altho i am careful not to give her too much otherwise she may expect it all the time. Im finding it hard to find out how to deal with her tbh and once a good sleeper for past month she has been waking up 2-3times every single nite for seeminly no explantion. We go in give her her dummy and she does settle down but its still frusrating.
I give her calpo or nurofen before bed incase its her teeth or in day but it makes no difference. I make sure she is fed, waterered, nappy changed but she still moans and whinges.
She does nap in the day AT HOME. Anywhere else at friends or up town she wont nap so ends up over tired and even worst as she throws temper tantrums which started at 6 mts old and she can have one 2-5 times a day but always without fail has one when i go out so these days i hardly go out tbh just coz of her coz i end up tryna sooth a screaming thrashing child and ignore dont work with her she dont quit. I was at my nans once and she started so i put her in her pushchair in dining hall and we was in lounge and she was still screaming and thrashing after an hour and we totaly ignored her thats waht she is like she dont quit when she starts
Its relaly gettin me down as like i said i dont go out much because of it no point she is a pain at home but easier then being out.
She is quite a serious child i have noticed but she does smile and laugh she is more then capable of it she would just rather moan and nw she is getting a reputation with fam/friends which is a shame
She also moans when i hold her then moans when i put her down i cant win with her.

I really know how u feel hun hopefully they will get better as they get older hmm hope so.

xx

thisisthelast Mon 28-Sep-09 19:43:33

Oh this is an old post of mine, I thought I recognised the title.

I dont often post on here, mainly just lurk on here waiting to pounce but just wanted to say hello!

My dd is 2 years old now and is still very serious as you describe your dd. She doesnt cry all the time but man....

she can be so grumpy.

Basically is very highly strung goes from happy to sulking in a heatbeat

so I never really know what to expect or how she will react to certain things.

My dd has a reputation for being a bit touchy and my family dont really have a relationship with her.

Basically they dont understand her mood swings and the fact that she doesnt want to be picked up and cuddled by them.

She is very independant and just says NO to everything, which I am hoping is a phase.

I wish I could tell you that things get miracullously better but things have very slowly improved but are still hard.

I couldnt go out with her either. She would scream in buggy but didnt want to walk either. I had to carry a screaming child everywhere which was no fun for any of us.

Got slightly better once she was abole to walk for longer distances

but even now throws a screamer if shes had enough or I dont want to go where shes heading.

I still get fed up of the tantrums and screaming... it does seem endless some days.

Mainly her whinging is maddening cos it never stops. She is very bossy and gets irrate if I dont do exactly what she says.

eg 'mummy in the garden' I try to distract her and get her involved in what Im doing instead

cue screaming tantrum, flailing limbs and so on.

It does get a bit nicer as they get older though.

Her understanding is very good and she plays nicely with DD1 now which I never thought would happen.

I am sorry I cant be of any help but hang in there.

jadey24 Fri 09-Oct-09 19:47:03

Thank you i saw after i sent it that it was an old post so never expected u to reply back lol so this is a shock. I was having a look around and tryna find out again i spose lol. Are dds sound like 2 peas in a pod at least we know there is others out there who go through it too. For past 2 days she has moaned consantly none stop..she moans everyday anyway lol but usually i get the odd 10 min peace here and there but no she has been a right so and so.
I really dont know why she is the way she is. People say oh she must be bored but if i take her out she plays up and at playgroup hmm so it cant be just boredom..i believe she is frustrated but i think its mostly down to the fact she cant get her own way which is all the time it seems with her. She threw a temper tantrum earlier all because i moved the biscuit tin out the living room and it last get this....40 mins. My dad was round said put it back and i stood my ground and said no she needs to learn she cant have it her way. Poeple are amazed when they see her like it coz she does look so cute, dainty and anglelic but she so not lol.
I know someone who works with young children and her own mother is a childminder who she still lives with so has a lot of contact with young children and she has took Grace out on her own on quite a few occasions for the day so knows first hand what she is like and has admittted she hasnt met a child like her thats so tempermentle and so young too. I hate it when i hear people say oh my child has just started throwing temper tantrums and they are like 2 lol and Grace is 14 mts and been doin it for months and months already. Or when people moan theyve had like one bad day with their grumpy child which is like once or twice a week..try everyday lol.

Im at a total lost with what to do. I feel like im walking on egg shells around her. Im tensed coz im tryna do everything within reason to prevent a temper but at same time im stubborn and will refuse to let her get her own way so its gonna happen. Wish she would just except she cant get her own way every time. She can be ok one sec and the nxt fly of the handle and i end up completly confused to why and it seems nothing is wrong.
Im think of speaking to hv to see what they think but i feel as she is only 14 mts they may not take me seriously even tho she had witnissed it herself and even had to pin Grace down when she was gettin weighed about 2 weeks ago well i was re dressing her and said to Grace ur not 2 years old yet..i said she decided she was 2 at 6 mts old.

ooooh i dont know such a diff one..its actually putting me off havin another child tho that sounds bad but if they are as difficult as Grace i will not cope i dont think.

Thanks for repleying and pray things improve for the both of us

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