Bad Language in a Three Year Old

[nmd]

Can anyone suggest how I could stop my 3 yr old dd2 being so rude please? Although nobody in our family swears/uses abusive language etc, in fact I'd be surprised if she'd ever even witnessed any bad language, she's always calling people nasty / pooey / smelly / dirty / naughty and nothing I say or do seems to make any difference, in fact if anything she's getting worse. She's quite food motivated so for other behaviour threatening to withold treats is pretty effective but she's also incredibly stubborn. Help!!

[Chiccadum]

My dh and I are going through the same with our 3 1/2 yr old. She came home from nursery the other week and when I scolded her for something I got the middle finger and then last week when I asked her to be quiet (I think I may have been on the phone) she told me to P* Off and like you we make sure that there is no bad language in our house. She has told us that it is a certain little boy at school (whom all the teachers know to be a trouble maker), and he keeps teaching her swear words. My dd1 is also very very stubborn, we've just ignore her and if she carries on we put her in bed and won't let her back downstairs. She doesn't like this as she likes to play with her little sister. I think the only think for bad language, until they are at an age where they really understand, is to tell them that is swearing and very naughty and not bring the subject up again. And certainly not (some parents do at our nursery) laughing at them as we all know this encourages them. I don't this will help much but at least you know you are not alone in this

[ScummyMummy]

I think ignoring it is the only thing that works but it can be sooooooooooooooooooo hard sometimes, I know!

[WideWebWitch]

Oh I agree, ignore it if you can but it is hard! My 5yo said to me tonight, when we were discussing the newest reward system going on in our house, "but why will you be crosser if I say idiot than if I say bloody? Bloody's a far worse word isn't it?" so guess which one I've reacted to in the past?

[nmd]

So it's best to just tell her it's a naughty thing to say and then ignore any subsequent stream of "you're yukky and smelly" (current fave) etc? No sitting on the bottom step, sending her out of the room or whatever?

[WideWebWitch]

nmd, I went with "I don't really want to hear that thanks" said very calmly and casually. The more I reacted the more exciting he found it. Therefore he knows idiot and stupid have currency, but he also realises that worse swear words (he does know them I'm afraid) don't. Good luck with the calmness!

[Lara2]

Not much to do with advice, but it made me laugh at the time. I was on playground duty and a child came up and said: " said the F word!" I asked her to whisper it in my ear, just to ascertain exactly which F word we were dealing with here ( often very innocent in an infant playground, you never know!!), and she put her lips to my ear and shouted "F*K!" OOPS!!!

[nmd]

OK, thanks very much all, WWW I will go with your approach and will start stocking up on Rescue Remedy, anti stress lotions etc immediately!!

[expatkat]

I am tempted to change my name for this highly embarassing reason for reviving this thread, but I trust you all won't ostracize me at once.

I don't have a potty mouth, but I am the daughter of a Brooklynite who swore with mafia-style gusto. So I confess that when rows with dh get going, I revert to the below-the-belt style of arguing I grew up with and occasionally have been known to use the "f word," sometimes punctuated with a punch on the fleshy part of his arm. Guess I must have done this in front of ds, though I don't know for sure that I ever did.

So ds seems to have confused the word "punch" with the word "f-ck." And today, at a Lebanese cafe with one of ds's friends & his mum, ds was lightly punching his friend. I said, "Don't hit him!" to which ds responded, "I'm not hitting him. I'm f-cking him." Very, very loudly.

All eyes turned to us. The shock. The horror.

I can't very well ignore this problem because he thinks the f-word is a harmless word meaning something else and is more than likely to use it again. So I tried to have a casual conversation with him about how he used the wrong word to describe what he was doing to his friend, but I seemed to have fueled the interest in the word. I explained to him that it's actually not even a real word, and then tried to fill his brain with all sorts of nonsense words, in the hopes he confuse them with the horrible word. Desperation!

Help! How do I ensure he does not use that word again (having f---ed up by using the word in the first place ).

[lalaa]

no direct experience of this (dd only 8 months!) but live in dread as we too are fairly liberal with our language (thinking about installing swearbox?!)
my godchild started saying 'fut it' when frustrated (obviously overheard her mum) and her mum's way of dealing with that was to say 'I'm sorry, I don't understand what you mean', making out that 'fut' was a complete nonsense word. That approach worked for her.
I know it must have been awful for you but it did make me laugh!

[sibble]

I sympathise completely. D3 (3.5 years), courtesy of 'not so' DH knows how to use F it in context and has done in public on more than 1 occasion. I try to ignore it but often it catches you unaware and you react. I dropped his dinner all over the kitchen floor having just finished cooking it last week and let out an AAARRGGGHHHH DS however came over and announced that's not an AAARRGGGHH, that's a f it Mummy isn't it. I answered, yes it is a f it but that is a bad word and it is better to say AAARRGGHH. To which he replied it's not, f it is better and proceeded to run around the lounge shouting it at the top of his voice while I cooked another dinner.
So no suggestions for what to do, but am hoping the novelty will wear off and am teaching new words (non swear) to relace it.
Good luck

[SoupDragon]

I had some success with substituting innocent words so, if DS1 said f, I'd say, "no, it's FORK. If you'r going to say it, say it properly."

Doesn't always work though. One occasion the DSs were being a nightmare as DH and I strapped them in their car seats. I said "Flipping kids", DH said "Blooming kids" and DS1 said "Fing kids".

Obviously we stood up out of sight and wet ourselves laughing.

You're not alone!

[Toots]

L and L and LOL! Expatkat. Sorry, I know it's a genuine problem, but I really needed a good laugh and feel far less likely to swear in front of DD this pm having got the release. Good luck in sorting it out. Glad to know I'm not the only one who lets rip with DP as well.

[MrsS]

You've all made me feel so much better. My DS1 is 2 and if he breaks wind he shouts farty. I can see from this thread it could be so much worse.

NMD - my sisters little girl is 3 and is saying exactly the same words as your DD. We call it toilet talk. I'd ignore this and I think she'll grow out of it.

The Fxxxs and Blox and much more difficult to deal with.

[Boe]

Please do not speak like that it does not make you sound like the beautiful clever girl that I know you are works with my DD - she has the biggest Ego as you can imagine!!

[moosh]

My ds is 3.5 and has sworn every now again, at first I asked him where he heard that word and he said a boys name at nursery does it. So I ignored it, but he hardly ever does it on the odd occasion if he drops something he may say "f!*king hell" and I will just ignore it, because he is of that age and intelligence that if I say "Stop saying that, nasty word" he will think it's funny to wind mummy up by saying it even more. Haven't heard him do it in months though thank god. But what he does now is if I have a chat with the lady at the till or someone I know, he says infront of them "I don't like that lady or man mummy" and he will ignore them. He used to be a real chatter box but now he seems to be a little rude. Reaaalllllllly embarrasing or what! I've been told its an age thing so I just hope this phase is nearly over! And reading the other threads all the children seem to be of the same age so it must be a 3yr+ thing.

[runragged]

expatkat and sibble you did make me laugh! My dd 3.5 has taken to calling dh and I silly old git I don't know where she gets it from!

However a friend of mine little boy when he was around just 3 I think siad the f word and she told him that he wasn't to use it or she would put mustard in his mouth! When he used it again she made a big thing of sitting him on the side and getting a spoonful of mustard and then touched it to his tongue - needless to say he hasn't said it again .

My half brother was about 6 when he was using the words and my cousin cured him. She asked him if he knew what they meant and when he said no she told him that when people use those words it means they are stupid, so if he used them people would know that he was stupid and he didn't swear for ages. Now he's 10 it started all over again! New logic required

[RossCharnock]

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[lou33]

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