Why the rush???

[hercules]

Why is that childrens development has to be a race? Why are so many parents in such a rush to for their child to achieve the next stage?
It seems parents are in a rush to get their child onto solids, never mind if they are ready really. Thinking of the baby walker thing - if walkers get babies walking quicker why is that seen as a good thing?
Can't we just enjoy them how they are rather than pushing them to the next stage before they are really ready and let them find their own way, in their own time?

[TracyK]

here here - I wish I could turn the clock back with my ds. Each stage is so cute - but they never last very long and he's growing into a little boy v. quickly - I miss my tiny baby.

[rickman]

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[hercules]

Not one thread in particluar rickman. More in general from the past year and in real life.
We are stressed about dd not talking and it makes no difference what other people say ie it's normal etc.

[Rarrie]

Do you think it is a rush or naievity on the part of the first time mum? I kow when my dd was young, I really wanted not to wean her til 6 months, but became convinced that she was ready at 5. I thought the signs were there. Looking back now, I can see that they weren't really there, the signs she got later were real signs of being ready to hold off weaning and I could have held out another month. Its all well and good in hindsight, and I would know to hold off next time. But being a first time mum, all I had was a list of the signs that the HV told me I should look out for, and no real experience to tell me whether I was really experiencing the signs (or whether the real signs would come later!!). When you've got your second child, you now what the signs really are, because you've experienced them.. so you can distinguish between the real signs and what you might think the real signs are (I gues like braxton hicks, - I'll know what real birth pains are like next time!!!).

But I do think there is also a bit of excitement that your child is doing something new!

But yes, I do have to agree, that I don't understand why parents compare their children at all - don't see the point!

[Socci]

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[hercules]

socci

[mummylonglegs]

I think it's quite complicated hercules and definitely applies more to people with first / only children than to those with more kids who gradually realise the truth that most kids do what they do developmentally when they're ready to!

I'm in the catagory of first time mum with one dd, 2.4 who's developed pretty much right on cue except for a few speedings ahead (talking in our case) and laggings behind in others (physical things - she's only just jumped and really tackled stairs, also eats like a weedy 10 month old). I find myself in a strange position in which I'm constantly 'preparing myself' for the next thing (whether good or bad: tantrums yet? manners yet?) while feeling inadequate to deal with it and feeling worried that it's not happening yet. Then of course when a milestone is reached I long to go backwards and have a bit more time with a younger dd.

I can honestly say though that mums who do push and show-off about how much their kids can do really bug me. My friend's dd is the same age as mine and wasn't speaking at all for ages while dd was racing ahead in that area. I just kept it to myself and played down any concerns she had. Her dd's now catching up rapidly.

None of it matters in the end. The best gift we can give ourselves is to drink in every moment of their lives and not get bogged down in what they 'ought' to be able to do.

[expatinscotland]

I thought it was just an American thing. I haven't really encountered it here nearly so much.

I agree TracyK, we enjoy every stage - she won't want to sit on my lap and watch Cbeebies for long!

[prunegirl]

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[prunegirl]

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[expatinscotland]

What I can't stand are the boasters. 'My daughter is 19 months and knows her ABCs already'. Yeah, well, hopefully that'll make up for her being ugly and a right pain in the a* .

There used to be these annoying bumper stickers in the States, 'My child is an honour student at XYZ', etc. And then some wise a** started selling some that read, 'My child beat up your honour student'.

[expatinscotland]

Aye, I think it explains a lot, prunegirl.

[Gwenick]

hehe I like 'boasting' about my DS1 - didn't even roll until he was 11 months (so just sat there like a dumpling LOL), walked at 17 1/2months , said only 8 words at 23 months, still can't really draw anything, still struggles somewhat with kids climbing frames (oh and did I mention he's already 4yrs old??)

[expatinscotland]

Gwenick
My kid cousin didn't walk till 22 months, didn't say a word till he was nearly 3 (he would grunt and point to things). He's a seriously high-ranking computer geek genius at Microsoft now.

[Gwenick]

oh that's just boasting just because you cousin did things later than mine (PS that's a bit scary, but in a nice way - DS1 is a whizz with computers too - 'special interest' on nursery observation - Technology LOL)

[prunegirl]

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[expatinscotland]

Aye, Gwenick, my cuz has always been shy as a church mouse. He's still a very quiet fella. Guess he was just taking it all in when he was wee. His dad is from Kerala in India and his mom (my dad's sister) was the child of Mexican immigrants, so their attitudes towards child development were far more laid-back than most Americans.

[Gwenick]

flippin eck expat - how long you been in Scotland now? You sound more like a bonny Scot in your last post "aye" "wee" "fella"

[prunegirl]

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[expatinscotland]

Oh, it's insidious, prunegirl. They'll start w/something like, 'Just can't resist having a little brag about my son/daughter'. And you're supposed to simper along approvingly and say s/thing like, 'Oh, he/she is definitely gonna set the world on fire/cure cancer/turn sawdust into gold.' I never fit in there, needless to say. A little modesty goes a long way!

[expatinscotland]

Gwenick
Dh has the thickest, broadest East Scottish accent! Even other Scots comment on it. My poor parents could hardly understand him when they first came to visit, and he was even speaking more slowly for them.

[Gwenick]

LOL expat - reminds me of when my parents came out to Zim for my wedding (or should that be 'went' out). My dad is the original Yorkshire man, and so is my brother (although he also mumbles so is even less easy to understand).

ONce they'd gone home most of DH's family admitted that 95% of the time they had NO idea what my dad and brother were talking about (sorry completely off topic there)

[coppertop]

I've had some filthy looks from other parents when ds2 has rattled off the names of shapes, colours etc. What they don't realise is that this isn't something he's been taught by us. He's now 2 and tbh I would far rather he forgot about the shape-naming and started to learn how to let us know if he does/doesn't want something. IMHO being able to do the basics like pointing, nodding, shaking his head are a million times more worthwhile than academic stuff. Ds2 has a preliminary dx of ASD.

We had similar difficulties with ds1. He could read quite happily but still had no idea about communicating with us. Faster development in one area is IME often at the expense of another area.

At the other end of the scale we've heard all the comments like " is too old to be in nappies. My ds/dd has been toilet-trained for nearly 2 years now and they're the same age." I had to literally bite my tongue to stop myself from saying "Well that's probably because your ds/dd isn't autistic!"

You can't win either way.