Naughty Step, What Age

[Frizbe]

What age did you start using the naughty step/chair/any other methods on your children?

[CountessDracula]

about 2 I think

[maltesers]

hi frizbe, yes bout two to two and a half. my youngest is now four and it works really well. give ds/dd two warnings then third time on step. one minute for each year of their life. its so much better than smacking. I try hard not to smack and keep asking dp not to but he seems to think it is ok. tut, tut.

[cupcakes]

Was wondering this today. Dd is almost 2 (on Friday!) and is starting to be deliberately naughty. Today she hit her older brother in the face with her wand and when I took it away from her she slapped him with her hand! And then laughed when I told her off!
Never really had anything like this with ds till he was older but feel she is still too young to understand any punishment. Luckily, incidents like this don't happen very often.

[maltesers]

hi cupcakes. you could show your disapproval to her bout her bad behaviour. maybe not the naughty step just yet , but tell her in very stern voice that what she did was BAD BEHAVIOUR 1 and take wand away for rest of time playing, and tell her crossly that what she did was not funny. she will soon get the message. good luck !

[Twiglett]

I started very early .. from around 18 months I think, although its very hard to remember. and before that I used to put him down on the floor if he did things like smack or bite so I don't think there can be too early a stage

I think its a sort of pavlovian response you're hoping to instigate ie unacceptable behaviour leads to no attention

[Hulababy]

From the time she could start to understand mouch of what I was saying to her - so from quite young, and definitely before she was 2. Always worked well. We don't really have to use it anymore now though.

We had a naughty chair, placed in the hall way, as we have no stairs here.

[cupcakes]

Just remembering an incident the other month when I carried her through to the sitting room and put her on the floor and walked back to the kitchen where I had been with ds (can't remember what she did now but ds was very upset). It was as much to reassure ds that I wouldn't tolerate her bad behaviour anymore than I would his - if only to be fair. She burst out crying and ran back in for a cuddle so it was a very short lived punishment but I think she got the message (that time). Punishment to her is to be excluded but I have to make sure that she understands what she is being punished for - if I made her sit on a naughty step I doubt she'd understand why she was forced to stay there or link it with her naughty behaviour.
Bit of a ramble but I hope I make sense!

[Twiglett]

2 is more than old enough to understand a connection between an action, an immediate parental 'no' reinforced before a 2 minute time out

[Hulababy]

cupcakes - at thiis very young age it really can be to be excluded/isolated/removed from the situation for a very short period of time. They recommend about 1 minute for every year of their life, at the most, anyway.

[Twiglett]

oh and I always think its best to go back every 20 seconds and say 'when you've calmed down you can come back' .. then as soon as they've calmed down they get immediately reintegrated into the fun with no ongoing admonitions

[mishi1977]

i use a time out/ removal from situation with DS who is 15mths..been using it about 2 mths..i dont force him to stay as such but he throws a wobler when hes been moved then calms down and moves himself

[cupcakes]

I must sound really soft... Luckily, I don't have cause to punish her very often. And usually a telling off ("that's naughty/ bad!") and a few minutes of ignoring her does the trick.

[Twiglett]

its not punishment though .. you may find it easier if you reassess that

what you are doing through the use of time outs is teaching her the difference between acceptable and unacceptable behaviour, you are helping her to develop social skills that will mean she will make friends / social contacts more easily and then be more fulfilled

it would be more of a punishment IMHO to let them think they are allowed to do anything they want, then thrust them into a situation like playgroup / school where they have to act within social parameters

HTH

[Hulababy]

I agree Twiglett - it isn't really punishment, more time way from the situation to calm down, especially at a young age.

Mind you, I have tried it with my secondary school pupils sometimes when I feel one of them may nee time out of the classroom, just to calm and relax and difuse the situation

[mishi1977]

i agree too twiglett
I do warn Ds a couple of times but I do think it is important for him to learn socially acceptable behaviour, i use time out for biting slapping etc...luckily enough he has stopped for the moment...probably cursed myself now..but i do find time out more effective and as i say it isnt a forced time as such just removal from situation...when i worked in brain injuries it was something we used with clients aswell as if they r aggressive etc we used time out on the spot to ignore until behaviour was acceptable as they like children did not fully understand or were unable to control some of the anger but soon learnt that behving a certain way meant no response

[samdarling]

I have the naughty step - now I just have to ask DS if he wants to sit on it & he usually says no & stops the bad behaviour. On the rare occasion that he has a tantrum, I take him to his room & hold the door for 1 min - I know it's 1 min per yr (he's 3) but I find 1 min is enough & I cant bear to hold it any longer. I then open the door, calmly explain the situation, & repeat if necessary. Much better than shouting & teaches children that shouting doesnt work.

I have a friend whose child is quite nasty to other children & has unacceptable behaviour. However, when she hits another child or snatches toys, her mother says "kiss [child] better to say you're sorry". Thats it!! So the child knows it can hit or snatch toys & all she has to do is kiss better. I feel sorry for the child as this will not win her friends when she goes to school.

[nikkim]

I don't have a naughty step - we use the porch and have done since she was about two. The porch is inside I hasten to add Ia m not quite that mean!!

I use it a lot less than I used to ( she is now three) as I had concerns that rather than dealing with a problem I was just banishing her. I now use it as a last resort after warnings and usually when she is having a tantrum and has become uncontrollable. I use it when I can feel myself getting very stressed, I use the porch as there is nothing she can access to either amuse herself or harm herself but the sounds of her tantrum are muted! I never leave her in their for very long I use the one minute for every year rule, so check on her every three minutes. I don't let her come out until she has apologised. I used to have to do this every day but now it is a rare occurance.

Since my daughter has started going to nursery and having a "social life" I have realised that the greatest gift you can give your child is the abilty to make and keep friends. Children who are not used to consistent discipline and boundaries will find it hard to keep and make friends. If this discipline system ivolves a naughty step or similar and is used fairly as a loving discipline there is nothing wrong with it.

[cupcakes]

Yikes! I've heard myself say that to dd once or twice after she has hit ds...
I'm glad to say I've never used that approach with other friend's children as it would be too mortifying!
You're all right - I need to stop thinking of it as a punishment but as establishing good behaviour. I never let ds get away with it so I don't know when I became so soft with dd. Really don't want her to turn into a little monster.

[cupcakes]

sorry - that was in response to samdarling.