HELP please with my dd's (6) psychy!

[MrsBigD]

Probably hardly anybody up yet with the time difference but I need to get this off my chest and hope somebody can give me some advice

Situation: We moved to the UK to Australia and dd started new school 2 weeks ago.

I appreciate that this is a big change for her and have been trying to be very understanding and leniant, reassuring etc. but slowly I am getting to the end of my tether with her drama outbreaks when it is time to go into the classroom.

I know it's a bit overwhelming for her as she's moved from a village school with ca. 60 students to a rather large school with 700+ students, but saying that it all seems very organised in the morning and not too frantic.

Basicall she's happy to go to school and run around to play until the whistle goes and it is time to line up to listen to the announcements and then be led by their teacher to their classrooms.

That's cue for sad face, tears and clingy attack, which ususally ends in the teacher having to pry dd off me and lead her in.

I'm sure dd knows that it gets to me and I am so tempted just to walk off as soon as she is in line, instead of staying for the announcements.

Saying that though there could be 2 scenarios... a) she stays in line, feeling miserable whilst I walk away from her feeling like I've just abandoned my child but at least I don't have to see her sad face or b) she'll come running after me crying.

I've tried reassuring her that all will be fine and that I understand that it's a big new experience. I've tried - you have to go to school or mum will get in trouble with the police. And this morning I lost my temper a little and said 'I've got enough of this every morning, you are going in' hand over to teacher say bye and go...

So really my question to the wise mn board:

If I ditch and run will I scar her for life? And when will I stop feeling guilty?

Shall check back later when someobdy is up

[stoppinattwo]

Oh this is tough MrsBigd. You know, I would humour her and stay with her, it might take a moonth it might take more less but you will feel better andso will she. I think this is a far different situation from leaving a crying toddler/ baby from nursery. She has so much new stuff on the go atm...I would speak to her teacher and say you will want to her her make the transition as calmly (not quickly) as possible and will do whatever it takes. you could also talk to your DD and say "ok mum will wait with you and then next week we shall see if you cna go in all by yourself, and if you are a big brave girl you can have ..........." you fill in the gap. If she wants to do it great if not just try the following week. good luck

[sakurarose39]

Not sure why you have to be there for "announcements". Are all the other mums waiting around too?
Its early days yet, I would imagine, but if you wave goodbye with a cheery smile, she will probably be fine. Don't get cross with her! She must be trying to be so brave...
How about giving her something of yours, like a bracelet or small scarf, so she can hold it and think of you when you are not there. And no, you won't scar her for life!
Also, have you asked her WHY in particular she hates it when you leave? If she can verbalise what she is feeling (I feel lonely, I feel scared...etc.) maybe you can work out ways to help her with her feeling (You have your teachers and friends...I will be back at 3pm to pick you up..). Give it time - it's bound to take a while

[Meandmyjoe]

Maybe I'm harsh but I'd give her a hug and kiss, tell her you'll be back at 3pm or whenever and just go. Try it once and see what happens. Often prolonging the goodbyes makes it harder for you both.

[MrsBigD]

thanks for the replies

stoppinattwo, I already instigated the 'if you're brave and go in every morning this week without a fuss then you can go to the softplay for 1h on Saturday' so we shall see...

sakurarose39, some parents stay for the announcements as the lead teacher gets the kids to say good morning to the teachers and then the parents . As for vocalising why she wants me there I can't get a straight answer out of her no matter how gently I probe or guide.

I had a chat with the teacher and we agreed that tomorrow I shall attempt a more swift hug/kiss/goodbye and then hide out of sight to see whether dd is playing up to the fact that I'm there or generally extremely distressed.

[estimo]

Is there another girl who could look out for her as she's the 'new girl'?
Maybe hold her hand and queue up with her so she's got someone to talk to?
Perhaps the teacher could organise or help initiate in some way?

[Scootergrrrl]

Does anyone from her class live nearby so the girls could walk in together and you could pull back a bit? Or perhaps you could leave before the annoucements when she's happy and running around (say goodbye obviously, I don't mean leg it out of the gate when she's not looking although it must be tempting )

I'm sure she'll settle down as she starts to find her feet a bit. I do feel for you though.

[Romy7]

'Have a lovely day, darling!' Kiss, 'Bye!' Walk.
The more 'normal' you are acting, the more 'normal' the new routine will become. It's so hard for them to settle, but it will happen really fast - we move a lot and now I do disengage from the 'settling-in' routine as quickly as possible - I think it makes mine worse if i prolong it...
Hope she enjoys/earns the soft play

[MrsBigD]

estimo dd has a girl she got hooked up with but she's not always there as she has morning clubs on some days. Those days are worse. I'm trying to work out who her other friends are but am having trouble to work out who's who

scootergrrl... re leg it out of there

dh just had a chat with dd and the reason she's so clingy is because she loves mama so very much

[MrsBigD]

second day in a row without drama, I love blackmail ;). She gets to go to the softplay on Friday after school if she's good. Also I've been hiding behind a tree which probably helped ;)
fingers crossed!

[sakurarose39]

Great news, MrsBD. Dealing with children is all about blackmail negotiation...

[MrsBigD]

ah that's what it's called LOL