DS cried through class assembly, very sad :(

[SeaShells]

I am so upset, just got back from my 6yo DS's class assembly which the parents and the rest of the school are invited to watch. All the children had 1 line each to say, my DS was very nervous and spent ages practising his line with his toy microphone last night, he seemed fine this morning though. I dropped him at the classroom and went round and took a seat in the hall. When he came in he had a tissue and was really sobbing his little heart out, I could see the teachers trying to quiet him, he carried on crying right through the performance, then as it got to his line, the teacher gave it to another child which upset him even more. I was very upset and to be honest a little angry with him, all the mums were looking at him then at me and wondering what on earth was wrong with him! All the other children seemed so confident and fine with it, why does my son act like this? He came over to me at the end and asked me when half term is, could it be a problem with the school? He has only been at the school since october and hasn't made friends really, he moved from a school where the teacher was wonderful and he had great friends, we had to change his school as we have moved due to my DP's new job. I feel guilty that this could be why he is acting this way, he used to be really happy, now he just seems down all the time, he has so much potential as he is such an intelligent little boy, but he is sooooooo sensitive. What should I do, is it normal, should I take him out of the school, should I take him to the doctors or something? I don't know what to do!

[littlemissbossy]

Oh poor kid and you too
There's so much pressure on children these days! At 6 years old, to stand up in front of the whole school and parents is a big deal! don't be angry with him, he was obviously really stressed out. He doesn't need to go the docs, he just needs some time to settle in.
You'll no doubt look back on this and wondered what you were worried about.
Does he have friends round for tea? see them out of school? or are there any out-of-school activities he could be involved with where he would make new friends?
HTH x

[amynnixmum]

{{{hugs}}}Seashells, how horrible for you and ds. I agree with KS. Also he's only 6 and he hasn't been at this school for long, so with the xmas hols in between as well, its not surprising that he hasn't settled in yet. I'm sure he will but I definately think you should make an appointment to discuss this with his teacher.

[aloha]

Ah he's only six - a baby really. It's really not worth panicking about. Stagefright can affect anyone - plenty of world famous award-winning actors throw up before every performance you know. It's a big deal appearing before everyone, especially at only six. I'm sure there is nothing wrong with your little boy and there is no need to feel cross with him. Don't let your irrational feelings of embarrassment affect the way you treat him. I think a big cuddle and a 'Ah, don't worry darling. How do you feel? I love you" type conversation is all you need. I expect the other mums were just concerned that your little lad was upset and were looking to see if you were OK - that's probably what I would do. Certainly have a low key chat to ask if he is happy at school, but don't let this one incident prey on your mind.

[aloha]

and agree, talk to his class teacher but don't panic!

[nasa]

poor little man, I agree that for some children this could be a really big deal especially in a new school where he's not yet settled in.

[SeaShells]

It's hard to get any real answers out of him, he's also had eating problems lately which we are very concerned about, we thought if we took him to the doctors perhaps they could get some answers out of him, I'm worried he might be depressed. His teacher seems to think all is fine and when I raised concerns about him being nervous she kind of dismissed it and said 'he'll be fine' which he clearly wasn't. It is a very strict school and I think he was scared of getting the line wrong and getting into trouble.

[nasa]

well seashells I think you should make an appt to go in and see the head and or his teacher again. If he has eating problems then he's obviously worried about something. If you don't mind me saying so though I'm not sure the immediate task is "to get answers out of him". He might feel a bit freaked out being taken to the doctors. How serious is it? Could it not just be anxiety at the new school etc?

[Hulababy]

Oh, you poor little boy. A big cuddle tonight I think.

It's a huge task to go and stood up in front of his peers, teachers and aprents and speak. He's only six.

TBH, as an adult I would find it really hard and there is no way I wold have manged it as a child. It's just not me - and the bit if front of your peers (especially if just settling in) is a real challenge. You'd never believe I was a teacher would you?! But, honestly, it can be really hard to stand up on a stage with everyone looking. And at age 6 even harder

[ScummyMummy]

Poor little boy. Sounds like an ordeal! I agree with aloha- lots of hugs and reassurance needed. And this sounds very normal- there's a new little boy in one of my son's classes who's finding things a little tough but is settling more and more by the day. And assemblies can be scary!

[SeaShells]

It's just an ordinary first school, but they are very strict, his old school was very easy going and seemed better for it IMO! He seems to be not eating much then getting upset and confused, saying he feels hungry but can't eat, it does sound like he is anxious. I have just recovered from anxiety problems, I hope he hasn't picked up on my reactions to things.

[Potty1]

Seashells - I hated doing anything like this at school and still do. At 13 I faked tonsilitis rather than do a reading in assembly.

Give him some big mummy hugs, speak to his teacher and try not to worry.

[nasa]

definitely sounds like anxiety. It's nothing you've done Seashells, he's obviously just finding it quite difficult at the new school and food is one way in which his anxiety is manifesting itself. I would definitely make an appt to go in and see head/ teacher again. If for no other reason that to air your concerns and ask what they will do to help settle him in.

[bakedpotato]

SS, I don't know much about your setup but when I was about your little boy's age, I moved schools too, and i got picked to swim in a swimming gala. i was really pleased about this and excited, but the theory was different to the reality.
i was sick with nerves before the race and then i did about 3 false starts it's still really clear to me, i can smell the chlorine and came last. i have a very clear memory of crying in the changing rooms with wet hair and my nice form teacher coming to find me and buying me 2 packets of fry's chocolate, one orange, one peppermint, on the way out. it was an awful experience and people who aren't shy simply don't understand, but i'd guess that your little boy's behaviour doesn't necessarily mean he's 'depressed', just sensitive, and in need of lots of calm reassurance and love from you.

[Hulababy]

SS - has the not eating much been going on long? Can you pinpoint when it started?

[PuffTheMagicDragon]

As others have said, I thnk you need to make an appointment to see the teacher.

It sounds as though he is having a hard time settling and I think the teacher needs to give some time to thinking how to best help him.

I've had a few children get stagefright at assemblies - it is common, but you mention other things and as his Mum, you're clearly worried.

I think you need to be quite firm when you see the teacher and tell her your DS is NOT fine, you do NOT feel he is settling in and you want to discuss ways to help him do so.

In the most extreme cases where young children have really struggled to settle in, having changed school, I've gone out into the playground and spent a week or two out there "engineering" the development of some friendship groups. I've also sat on the child's table at lunchtime, chatting with all the children (none of them knew specifically why I was there), getting everyone to talk with the new child and vice versa.

I know you can't ask the teacher to do these things, but you can ask her to focus on helping him to get a friendship group established. Playtimes and lunchtimes are IMO as important to a child's development as what happen's in the classroom.

You can ask the teacher to get other children in the class to be your ds's playground buddy. I've done this and it works well - I try to match children up where I think the personalities will work together. The children then tell me at the end of each playtime/lunch how things went and usually, fairly quickly a bond is formed.

[MiriamR]

Poor little thing. Think he needs a big hug and some time to settle into his new school.

Re his senstivity - I think some children are simply just naturally more sensitive than others. My ds1 (6yrs) is pretty sensitive - has been very shy on occasions, even refusing to say hello to his classmates when hes bumped into them out of school etc - would just stick his head down and mumble. When in reception, he sat through whole of the Xmas play on the teaching assistant's lap in tears and needed a big cuddle from me at the end. I always wondered about this as from the age of 6 mo he's been in nursery, as dp and I work FT.

In the past, I have been embarrassed about his shyness with others. Now I just accept that that it how he is - you know there are benefits of having a child of that nature - other people are always commenting on how polite and well behaved and thoughtful he is. We've always just tried to ensure that he feels confident but probably did try to push him into doing things initially - when he was starting to understand things, we acknowledged his shyness with him and told him that it is OK to feel shy sometimes.

Over the last year, dp and I been more relaxed about it and it seems to be paying dividends - he is so much more outgoing than he use to be, talks to adults and other children freely and took part in 2 plays over Xmas, putting his little heart and soul into it. Think him becoming a big brother has also helped as ds2 adores him. Re assembly; my understanding from the school is that they have staff on 'standby' at things like plays etc to comfort children who are feeling a bit overwhelmed by it all - this year it was your ds; chances are that it will be someone else's next year.

Think your ds just needs some time to adjust to all the changes in his life and if he's a senstive little boy, he'll probably need that bit longer than other children may. HTH

[MiriamR]

Fully agree with the advice about going to speak to his teacher

[SeaShells]

Thanks everyone, I think it upsets me because I am terribly shy and know how horrible it is, I don't want my children to feel like that, to be honest, I couldn't have done it either and I'm a grown woman! I've arranged to have a chat with his teacher after school tonight. I was surprised that he wasn't buddied by another child in the first place, all the other children have their own little groups already and I think it's been difficult for him to join them, also he has a very different accent to them all and they had commented on the fact he talked 'funny' and that had upset him. Eventually I know he will blend in and settle in, he's still the 'new boy' and with all the upheaval in the past year and him being so sensitive, he must be finding it hard to adjust (we've changed house/town/routine/friends,and he has a 1yo sister, so is probably still adjusting to her arrival also) As for his eating, it seems worse when he is at school and the teacher commented recently about his weight, he's always been a fussy eater and has always tended to be underweight, he is also small in height for his age which does make us take more notice of his eating habits, it seemed to start when we moved, but he was fine over the christmas holidays, I expect it is psychological rather than there being something pysically wrong, and that he will improve when the situation at school gets better for him. I'll let you know how it goes with the teacher.

[Gobbledigook]

Aw bless him. He's 6 years old and to stand in front of all those people is terrifying, for anyone, including adults! Would you want to do it?

My ds1 is only 3.10 but still will not take part in his nursery performances at Xmas and Summer. This Xmas he came out weeping again and sat on someone's knee. I know he knew all the songs as he'd been happily singing along etc at home for weeks. He hates being the centre of attention and that's fine by me. I know it's disappointing when you so want to see them shining up there but I can fully understand why anyone wouldn't want to and there will be lots of plus sides to his sensitive nature.

I know I've not been helpful in finding a solution, but I just wanted you to know that I dont' think there is anything wrong with him at all and fully understand his reaction to this kind of pressure.

[Gobbledigook]

Sorry, should have read previous posts

[AuntyQuated]

sorry- i haven't read all the postings but try not to worry. i was once a Y1 teacher and at such events it was almost expected that someone would be overwhelemd and it doesn't just happen to quiet or shy or nervous children. they can be over-anxious or over-excited and become compltetly overwhelmed. i doubt he will be able to give you any explanation, or maybe something very trivial happened and upset him more than it would usually and the taesr just woyldn't stop.

poor little thing. i big cuddle and try to find something to congratulate him over..."you did very well to come into the hall when you were so upset, what a brave boy" and recognise the fact that he must have been very upset about not getting to say his words when he could say them so well.

liken it to the bride who sobs throughout her wedding ceremony - she is neither upset nor worried (well not always ) but emotions win.