19m dd personality seems to be changing v worried

[peacelily]

Up until now dd has been a happy, confident, amusing and feisty lettle girl, very different from me when I was a child and I#ve always been really relieved. I'd have hated her to be shy, undreconfident and anxious like I was.

Just recently however she's become mega clingy and has been crying a lot. She also seems more sad and withdrawn and is getting very scared of things like cats etc. Her natural confidence when greeted with a new situation seems to have gone and she clings to me and dh.

Myself and dh have been arguing a lot recently and I'm ashamed to say I've lost my temper with him on a few occasions. When things get heated dd just takes herself off and potters about. I'm so worried with damaged her and made her anxious. Have never shouted or raiesd my vioice directly at her or said anything critical/derisive but she's not the sparky little girl she used to be.

I love her so much and I'd do anything to make her happy. Any comments/advice?

[mamalovesmojitos]

hi peace. didn't want to let your thread unanswered. no real advice but try not to worry. donot feel guilty.

i think that at this stage maybe she's becoming more aware of the world and is naturally more hesitant in new situations.

it is possible that you and your dhs arguments have an effect. when myself and dds dad broke up last year she didn't seem to notice. but at night she'd refuse to go to her own bed, was awfully clingy.

i know we ALL do it but try and limit the raised voices in the house. if she's clingy give her the physical and emotional reassurance she needs. you sound like you absolutely adore her so just cuddle her, spoil her. maybe spend some extra one-to-one time with her doing something comforting like singing to her or even massaging her with nice moisturiser after her bath.

you haven't damaged her! if you're still worried in a few weeks you could always bring her to gp just to put your mind at rest

[PinkTulips]

my dd was an extremely outgoing baby as well until she was about 22 motnhs. she became painfully shy overnight and now at 3 she still takes a long time to start speaking to people, although she's getting better.

a babies character has very little relation to the type of person they'll become later in life, it is very normal for them to make a complete about face in how they relate to the world at this age.

keep encouraging her to say hello to people but don't make an issue out of it or try and force her to socialise if she's uncomfortable.

she sounds like she's got a very loving mom, she'll be just fine!

[sushistar]

I don't know much about girls this age, but I have met a couple at church who were like this at around 20 months - and now at 4 are anything nut shy and retiring! Maybe it's a common phase?

It's great you're so aware that the way you talk to her / your dp may affect her, but I doubt loosing your temper a few times will scar her for life . Just be extra nice to her for a while maybe? Don't worry yourself.

[peacelily]

Hi, thanks for you lovely supportive messages, had to go to bed after I'd poster exhausted! This am she's lovely and smiley. Thinking about it rationally this is characteristically the age when toddlers start developing fears and she might be having a bout of separation anxiety.

Will keep cuddling her! Thanks for the advice!

[mankymummy]

Re. the arguments, its virtually impossible not to have some disagreements with DP/DHs infront of the kids.

One bit of advice, make a pact with your DP that if you do end up arguing infront of her that despite whether the argument is over or not, you make a point of cuddling each other and "making up" infront of DD and telling her that people sometimes have arguments but that you still all love each other.

Very obvious I know, but I think its not the arguing particularly that upsets them but rather the ongoing uncertainty when an argument is not resolved. DCs of their age argue themselves with their peers, the difference being that the argument is forgotten two seconds later. We are less adult about things !