Baby who wants to sleep whilst being held - should I try to break this habit?

[Sariska]

My ds is 5 weeks old and really only wants to sleep if someone is holding him. I can - just about - cope with this during the day (although showering and making lunch are often well nigh impossible if I am by myself) but the nights are really getting to me. Sometimes - usually by making him as milk drunk as it's possible to be - I can get him fast asleep enough to put in his bed but usually he wakes up the instant I put him in. He then doesn't just grizzle but very quickly moves into hysterical screaming and unless comforted by the breast he can scream for hours. I have tried various things (warming his bed before he goes into it; wearing him in a sling and transferring him and the sling into bed; singing; rocking; patting...) but nothing works. I am now trying another tactic: putting him in bed and then picking him up and comforting him when he cries before putting him straight back. According to the Baby Whisperer this method should take three days to achieve success with a baby of his age. Needless to say I've spent longer trying it although I perhaps haven't been as religious about it as necessary. Should I keep trying or should I just concentrate on devising coping methods in the hope that he will grow out of this behaviour? Incidentally, he dislikes his pram almost as much as his bed and really only settles in an upright baby carrier. I plan to take him to a cranial osteopath as, although it was not an instrumental delivery, my labour was very long as he turned OP towards transition. Sorry for the length of this post but thoughts and opinions are very much welcomed!

[MinkyBorage]

I would try carting him about in the sling everywhere, and co sleeping if you want a bit of peace and quiet, and maybe even some sleep.
It gets better, it does, promise!!
Co sleeping is the only way to go imo

[eenybeeny]

My DS was like this. TBH I never found a solution. Eventually he grew out of it. I know that is really crap to say to you now but I didnt want you to feel alone. I really hope someone else comes along with some good advice for you but in the meantime you can vent to me! I am trying for baby number 2 right now and wonder if that baby will be the same as DS. I always wondered if one of those baby hammocks would help but they are too expensive to just buy to try.

[TooTicky]

Yes, I'd definitely recommend a ring sling and co-sleeping.
He just wants to be with you, hear your breathing and heartbeat, and enjoy the security.
I know it can be tricky getting things done, but the more closeness he gets now, the more happily he will become independent when he's a little older.
Enjoy this stage as much as you can - it soon passes.

[morocco]

give in to the cuddles, give up the idea of schedules and throw the books away is my advice
read up about safe co sleeping (esp safe if you are bf) and buy a sling, freedom slings are good and fairly cheap. don't get those tomy carrier types though, different thing entirely
i know how knackering it is, but doing all this pick up put down etc thing is just stopping you getting the sleep you need. if you can bf lying down you'll soon be able to feed half asleep and go straight back to sleep again afterwards, much more restful

[Again]

I remember coming on here when ds was 7 weeks old with much the same issue saying that I was trying the baby whisperer method. Basically if you read 'the baby whisperer solves all your problems' book, she says it doesn't work with babies under 3 months old.

My ds is now 10 months old and I realise that 'this too shall pass' and it won't be long til they are crawling around while you have a cup of tea or they sit upright in the bath while you have a shower in the bath with them.

I ditched the baby whisperer and started reading dr. sears and it made me feel like it was all normal.

I agree with minky, sling and co-sleep is the easiest way to go and breaks while other people hold him. I used to go out for dinner and pop a napkin over his head (though I still found crumbs down his vest!).

[wrinklytum]

Another thumbs up for co-sleeping.It is exhausting,those first few months but honestly it does get better,and he will take to the cot,eventually.Both mine co slept for a while as they refused to be put down and screamed.I co slept for my own sanity in the endIT WILL GET BETTER.Hugs,Wrinkly xx

[angel1976]

My DS is 9 weeks tomorrow and for the first 7 weeks, he refused to be put down during the day (though thankfully, he slept well in the Amby at night!). I almost completely cracked in week 7 as I have had him in my arms ALL day and had a yoghurt for grub all day... Amazingly, he hit week 8 and suddenly he wasn't crying as much, I could put him down and he started going for naps in his amby and the cradle swing that a friend gave us. It is a phase but I feel for you. I used to count down the hours till DH came home so I can pass the screaming baby to him. Every minute went by so slowly... We did use a baby wrap (close baby carrier) a lot in the beginning and that helped a great deal as it meant hands-free snoozing (DH will strap him on and play the xbox while I have a nap). GL!

[wahwah]

My son was exactly the same and I can endorse what everyone else is saying. At the time, I didn't know about Mumsnet and I felt like a real failure for not having a baby I could put down (plus it drove me nuts). 27 months later I have a lovely, very independant but still snuggly little boy.

Am having no 2 in the next couple of weeks and am (hopefully) prepared with my trusty old hugabub and an Amby baby hammock. It was v. expensive, but we both agreed that if it gave me a break for even a few minutes, then it was worth it!

[happypiglet]

My DD was like this and would only sleep on my chest and startled every time I put her down on her back and woke herself up. If you are brave do what I did and try putting him down on his front to sleep. Then they arre in the same position as on your chest and all snuggly. I know it breaks all the rules so it may not be for you. My DD has slept well since that day on Day3 when I was so desparate I would have done anything- I have two older preschoolers so carrying her all day even in a sling was hard on them. She has always slept on her front and now she is 9m old rolls onto her front to sleep herself.

[FluffyMummy123]

Message withdrawn

[MrsBadger]

do not worry about it, she is way too young

sling and co-sleep and bin the bloody book

[missorinoco]

ds did the same a 5 weeks except would sleep in his cot after 10 pm (v wierd). (Not throught eh night if you are now getting jealous!)But during the day that baby was sleeping no where except on me (or another unsuspecting relative).

He was not going down in that cot during that day. Total meltdown, (him, then me.)

I stressed about it lots, esp as all those books told me it would lead to bad habits et al, but it passed, I think by about 10 weeks, and he would go down in one of those rockers, with a snuggly blanket lining it. I

If I were you I would cosleep. You need some rest.

If you are going to chuck the book, throw it across the room before you bin it. Much more satisfying.

Good luck.

[bluenosesaint]

I wouldn't tbh. Your baby is very tiny just yet - i would follow his clues and if he is telling you that he needs to be held and cuddled, then thats what i would do.

A sling could be the answer through the day and could you co-sleep for now at night? Co-sleeping now does not mean that you will be bed-sharing forever. I co-slept with my dd till she was around 8 months and she decided that she didn't want to anymore [sob]

[Lizzer]

I agree with others, your lo is too little. I had a velcro baby but now he's 4m and in his own room after co-sleeping for the first few weeks, with no problems... It is soooo tough for the 1st few weeks but now i look back and wonder where my little baby has gone.

Sling was a godsend in those early weeks...

With showering and eating lunch i would wait til dp came in from work to shower in the eves and would try to have something instant in the fridge for lunch (supermarket sushi and a vast quantity of choc biscuits iirc )

[ILikeToMoveItMoveIt]

Sounds like just what I experienced with ds. I didn't mind him being attached to me for the first couple of months, and I really don't think he was ready to leave me either. His days would consist of feeds, cuddles, naps and a small amount of time in the bouncy chair.

However by about 10-12 weeks I could see that the short cat naps on me weren't enough and I could really see he needed more. So, I bit the bullet and started to put him in his cot for daytime naps. It probably took about 2 weeks to get him to sleep more than 15 minutes on his own (I didn't do cc), but I think he started to learn how to get himself back off to sleep.

He then started to sleep through the night at 14 weeks, and I think the improvement in his daytime naps contributed to that.

ps throw the books in the bin. I've read them all, and none of them worked for us - or I wasn't prepared to do what they said.

[missorinoco]

velcro baby, like it.

[Sariska]

Yes, velcro baby is a superb description. Mind you, today he has screamed and screamed even while I've been holding him. Very upsetting as no real idea why or how to make him stop Did manage to get him to have a 30 min nap in the kitchen to the accompaniment of the washing machine and dishwasher....

Anyway, it's reassuring to know that others have been through this - and come out the other side.

Will maybe try co-sleeping as it has to better than accidentally falling asleep with him on the sofa in the wee small hours, which leaves me terrified that I'll squash him. And will definitely have a ceremonial burning of the book!

[fondant4000]

'tis normal. Let 'em sleep on you - they are lovely

[Joash]

no - enjoy it, i miss GS sleeping in my arms.

[CoolYourJets]

wrap sling and a bean bag to wodge him in. You can get him kind of upright and it simulates the held feeling.

[nooka]

My dd was like this. Not such a problem during the day but awful at night as she didn't just insist that she was held you also had to be moving. I had a 16mth old and just didn't have the energy to walk the house for hours every evening (I also had labrynthitis so walking about was not good!). Her nickname (still) is Limpet, and boy she was! The only way we managed it was by dh sticking her on his knee and jiggling her whilst he played Sim City fo hours on end (he has naturally jiggly legs). I remember it as being awful to be honest, but it did pass and she compensated by being a very easy toddler ds (first baby) was so easy in comparison and everyone telling me how easy second babies were really didn't help! Any piece of kit that simulates movement did help though - try going to an NCT sale and seeing what you can pick up. Those rocking chairs (the ones you wind up) always looked good!