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Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Behaviour/development

"Mummy I want to go to the naughty corner" - what do I do now????

30 replies

UpsyDaisyDo · 23/04/2008 18:50

DS 2.7 generally does as he's told and is a good boy but I do try and be strict when he doesn't do things I've asked him to do and have (up until now) used the naughty corner technique successfully when I feel its appropriate. However, just recently after he's done something he knows is wrong he automatically says he wants to go and sit in the corner! I tell him no you only go there when mummy asks you to not when you want to but am starting to think that he actually enjoys sitting on his own facing the plain white wall! He doesn't cry and will sit there without moaning or moving until I go over to him - he does then say sorry and gives me a cuddle so I guess it's not totally ineffective but would appreciate any ideas/methods people have when they discipline their toddlers.

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LittleMissTickles · 23/04/2008 18:52

They all do this at some stage. Just keep it as a punishment or find a new one. Either way, it is more about being clearly shown that something was wrong, than the actual punishment imho.

DarthVader · 23/04/2008 18:52

I think he is a smart kid who knows when he has upset you and what the consequences are. I think the method will still work for you but he sounds sophisticated enough to move away from reward & punishment mechanisms if you would prefer to.

boomie · 23/04/2008 18:53

I personally think it's great that he has realised that he has done wrong - what a clever little boy!! He is also saying he is sorry too and giving a cuddle. I would stick with it TBH.

Lazylou · 23/04/2008 18:54

I think this shows that he is beginning to realise when he has done wrong. Surely this is a good thing? If he wants to go and sit there, I would let him but give him the chat about using the time to think about what he did/why it was wrong etc.

But then again I'm a tad out of touch with naughty corners now as DD is 4, so maybe 2.7 is a bit young to be asking him to think about his actions.

I thinkits good though that he is identifying things that you would be unhappy with. Sorry, not much help

UpsyDaisyDo · 23/04/2008 19:10

Wow thanks for all your replys. Didn't expect a response so quickly. I lurk lots but don't post much and was a bit worried I would be shot down in flames for a petty post !!! He is a smart kid (not saying he's perfect by any means) and is a good boy but this whole things has just thrown me a bit. I question my parenting skills constantly (don't we all) so thank you for all your positive and helpful posts.

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Mum1369 · 23/04/2008 19:14

My DS1 (also 2.7) started to do this too. He would say 'sorry' as soon as he had done something wrong and then ask to go on the naughty step. I think he has just worked out that if he said sorry & got it all over and done with, it would be over more quickly. Also though, I did think this meant that he was taking control of the situation rather than me - and naughty step really is about who is in charge, so I think he was trying to beat the system. Clever monkeys they are !!

eenybeeny · 23/04/2008 19:15

hey I wouldnt worry. stick with it it sounds like he is learning the lesson. I say that as a very inexperienced mother but there you go, my DS is 20 months.

UpsyDaisyDo · 23/04/2008 19:37

Mum1369 you've said exactly what I was trying to (but couldn't find the right words!) It's the control thing that I was worried about. I feel that he shouldn't be going to the naughty corner when he wants to but when I want him to and for him to see it as a consequence of his actions. Reassuring to know that he's not the only one who plays the system!

eenybeeny 20 months or 20 years - when do we ever really become experienced mothers??!! The goal posts are constantly being moved and new challenges present themselves every day. Guess that's just joys of parenthood hey!

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HonoriaGlossop · 23/04/2008 19:37

I agree with Darth. He sounds as if his understanding is very good indeed so you may well find that you get even more benefit from talking to him about what he has done wrong, and encouraging him to have a minute to sit and think about it, rather than focussing on a 'naughty' corner as a punishment.

Also agree with Mum13 that this is him being intelligent enough to know and try to take control of the system, so I'd say it's time the system made use of his intelligence and thinking skills...encourage him to think and talk about what he's done rather than insisting on him sitting in a naughty corner, and you remove this possible power struggle before it starts.

newgirl · 23/04/2008 19:44

ooo mine does this too

i now think we have geniuses rather than naughty urchins

UpsyDaisyDo · 23/04/2008 19:50

he he! newgirl lets hope you're right!!!

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Spidermama · 23/04/2008 19:51

I think it's more for reflection than punishment and if he wants to do it then great. No talking allowed though.

UpsyDaisyDo · 23/04/2008 20:44

I think he does reflect on what he's done as he generally stops jumping on sofa/kicking the dog or whatever it is he's done after his 2/3 minute stint (for the rest of the day at least!) just find it a bit strange that he seems perfectly happy to sit facing the wall in complete silence. Strange child that he is - clearly takes after his father!

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UpsyDaisyDo · 23/04/2008 20:50

Thanks HG. I definitely think he's at an age now where he totally understands and do try my best to explain to him what he's done and why its not acceptable. I just don't have enough confidence in my own ability as a parent and always wonder if what I'm doing is right or if I could handle things in a better way. I'm glad I posted here though - like I said before I wasn't sure what response I'd get but I'm really grateful and do feel reassured by all the replies. Thank you.

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NotABanana · 23/04/2008 21:02

Maybe he asks to go as he wants some calm time.

PotPourri · 23/04/2008 21:12

Sounds like he understands he has done something wrong, and also feels bad about it. Maybe he is feeling ashamed and therefore asking for the time out to reflect - knowing that it will eventually calm you both down, and will also mean hugs and making up.

I would stick with it TBH.

Mum1369 · 23/04/2008 21:23

I just keep reiterating everything and try to remain consistent (it is really hard !) - If he asks to go, I usually say, Mummy decides when you go on the naughty step. Then put him on and do the ' I am putting you on the naughty step because......' and further reiterate to him what he has done, and that it is unacceptable, and that is why he is on the step.

oydal · 23/04/2008 21:27

Oh how I wish my dd did that!

kate00 · 23/04/2008 23:05

Out of interest - do you think that putting him on a 'naughty step' is helping him understand the reasons why you don't want to do something?

oydal · 24/04/2008 11:08

I think you need to explain to him why he's been put on the "naughty step" and ask him if he knows why too.

UpsyDaisyDo · 24/04/2008 20:15

oydal - Yep do all that. Down to his level, "Mummy's putting you in the naughty corner because I asked you not to kick the dog/throw book across room/climb on furniture bla bla bla, do you understand? Yes Mummy." Explain to him afterwards and ask him again if he understands and to apologise/cuddle etc. etc.

kate00 I do think he does know the reasons why as I do try and explain to him why I don't want him to do something and what the consquences could be if he carrys on ie. it could be dangerous, he might hurt himself/one of the dogs/me/DP or break the toy he's just hurled across the room. As to whether its helping or not who knows - I'm open to suggestions for alternative methods!

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HonoriaGlossop · 24/04/2008 21:09

I just think that you don't need to make it this punishment model.

If he's hurling a toy, it's enough IMO to say "ds, if you keep throwing that toy I will have to put it out of reach and then you won't be able to play with it" and then IMMEDIATELY distract him on to an activity that he is ok to do.

Making him sit in a naughty corner is just not necessary IMHO. He will learn just as much from having an immediate consequence such as having the toy removed.

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oydal · 25/04/2008 10:56

I usually give mine a chance to put whatever it was right i.e pick the toy up and say sorry/ give the you cuddle and say sorry if he's hit you/ Count to 3 (whatever no. you like but stick to it) and if he's not done what you ask then go for "the step" and so on.

By putting him on the step you are trying to teach him right from wrong - I'd say you're doing a very good job already, as by putting himself there, he knows when something is acceptable and not. Be proud of him and stick to what your doing!!

FluffyMummy123 · 25/04/2008 10:57

Message withdrawn

kate00 · 25/04/2008 14:23

UpsyDaisyDo - I actually think the great bit of what you are doing is the bit where you explain stuff to him. Punishing him (e.g. naughty chair) a form of coercion - and while in the short term, it might result in the behaviour you want, in the long term, it doesn't develop your child's internal moral sense. I think when you punish a child, they automatically start to focus on how unhappy and angry they feel, which actually gets in the way of them doing what you need them to do, which is to empathise with others and understand how their actions are hurting people.

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