How can I help my Dd1 to be less spoilt/ more grateful

[LoveMyGirls]

Really briefly dd1 is 8yrs old, I'm finding her hard work lately and it's really upsetting me, she is basically behaving like a teenager - wanting to go out with her mates, saying I make her life hard/ miserable, saying I hate her, asking for things she know I won't allow so she can say I don't want her to have a ncie life etc for eg this week she has asked to sleep in a tent in next doors garden. (as if)

She doesn't give me cuddles, she moans I don't give her enough attention then blanks me when I do try and cuddle her/ talk to her. I know she is jelous of the children I mind and doesn't want me to work (unfortunatly for her this is tough)

I'm doing my best and we've planned exciting things for her to do this year so far she is going on holiday with pil to greece, going to see girls aloud for her birthday as well as lots of little things like going to the park/ swimming/ out for a meal/ going to soft play at weekends as a family as well as going on trips when I'm working (farms, big parks etc)

I'm really at my wits end with her attitude towards me, she speaks to me with a horrible tone, whenever I ask her to do something she cheeks me or says no until i say I will punish her if she doesnt stop but I shouldn't have to threaten that for her to do as she is told imo.

I am consistant with punishments so I don't understand why she is behaving like this towards me. She isn't like it as much with her dad but that's probably because she doesn't see him as much as me, when he was finsihing early a few days last week even he told her off for her attitude towards me (and him at times)

She is doing really well at school and I'm proud of her achievements and I praise her a lot when she does things right, we give her pocket money if she does well on her spellings test.

What can I do?

[LoveMyGirls]

Also forgot she is going to be joining brownies in a few weeks, in the hope it will give her a chance to interact with children of her own age outside of school and my job. I'm hoping it will give her the right kind of independance (going on camps) and show her that its easier and better to be nice to people than it is to be horrible. Maybe i'm asking a bit much from brownies but these are the things it helped me with when i was a child (not that long ago)

[Shout]

LMG,Don't be too hard on yourself you are no alone with this problem. My ds is 9 and I have had this attitude for the last year.There have been other threads with very similar issues up to 10yrs old.

Advice??? What I have learnt its a long battle and its not easy, carry on being consistent. I used to try different tactics every month and it made me even more frustrated as nothing was working.

What success I have had is don't take what they say personally, they wont be grateful for what you do for them so accept it and do it only because you want to do it for them.(Now and again they'll surprise you and say 'I had lots of fun today'.)

Clarify the consequences for her is she talks back or behaves in appropriately( my son has to apologise or he goes to bed 30 mins early then I remind him does he want to go to bed an hour early if he continues).This could take 6 months to sink in. Listen to what they have to say and get them to help overcome your fears or concerns eg tent arrangements, make it clear you are still responsible and your say is final( My son had a huge fit for an hour because I wouldn't let him walk home by himself after listening to his case) An hour later he had forgotten all about it. Other times they come up with really sensible solutions and you may change your mind.

Keeping my tone of voice as calm possible helps ( easier said than done).

Try to add as much humour as possible dramatise 'OH I shall die without my cuddle from my little girl, make a game of chasing her around the house for a kiss'

You are doing the best for your daughter, you are her parent not her friend so you can never give up. If all else fails reach for the Gin or a bar of Cadburys! Try again tomorrow.

[LoveMyGirls]

Shout thanks for that, I do the bedtime thing already and have done for at least 2 years it's the only thing apart from taking things off her that actually has any effect but now dp thinks we should be letting her stay up later but I'm not going to agree to that if she doesn't change her behaviour, we did say if she was good for a week she could watch tv in bed for half an hour (she goes to bed at 7.30) but then dp caught her watching tv without our permission so we took her remotes off her and now she is supposed to be earning trust back

I don't think she has a really early bedtime after all she is still only 8 and if we let her stay up til 8 now what will time will we be sending her when she is 9, 100, 11 etc? She wants to be treated like a teenager already and I don't think she is ready (neither am i)

Dc's have finished snack now but i'll be back later

[Miggsie]

Take the TV out of her room?
Apparently TVs in bedroom hinder sleep and increase irritability...?

[mummydoc]

you are describing my 8 year old dd - i have no wordsof wisdom as reach for the gin more often then not.