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Behaviour/development

Rude and antisocial 7 year old ......help!

6 replies

Calico1 · 22/02/2008 09:38

Love to get your thoughts on this - my nephew is 7 and for the last year or so has turned from a delightful, polite little boy in a surly, rude monster. He has no respect for anyone and barely talks now, except to moan about things. He no longer eats with a knife and fork, instead uses his fingers and then defiantly wipes his hands on the furniture, he refuses to answer even the most simple questions eg. 'would you like a drink?' is greeted with a sulky look and a stare, and is even soiling his pants now and when asked by his mother why he did this he said 'that's what I do'!! He is a bright boy but is becoming very disruptive at school now too. My parents now refuse to have him in their house as they can't tolerate his bad behaviour and we are all very worried that he'll just get worse. Poor lad sounds pretty unhappy, but we've tried everything to find out what might be wrong. Anyone else been through this?

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Calico1 · 22/02/2008 09:40

Sorry seem to have posted thread this twice by accident!

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bb99 · 22/02/2008 12:38

Not been thru this but friend has been an auntie in this situ...

Are there new siblings / baby on the way / seperation of parents / school problems ie not getting on with friends (what are they doing to help him with his behaviour - sometimes a school can be helpful and unpick a problem as do occasionally find it easier to talk to someone not so close to situ iyswim)

Is he the only grandchild?

Also how close ru - a sister aunty / in law sister auntie etc (from the point of view of how helpful could you be).

friend used (lots and lots and lots) of positive with her nephew and I think GP's are happy to have him back in the house now. Can be murderous hard work (well done, you've sat down nicely, I love it when you speak so pleasantly...it's wonderful to see you haven't you eaten dinner well...) also lots of running around and going to the park so visits didn't have to be in the house

Hope it settles down - it's really hard when you feel like you can't help them!

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Calico1 · 22/02/2008 14:38

Thanks for that - there are no new family / school issues that I'm aware of. He has an eight year old sister who is lovely, though a little bossy. He has recently been assessed by a child phsycologist at his school who made some suggestions about using positive messages when he is being good (so rare!). I think my sister is at her wots end and to be honest now just ignores his misbehaviour instead of addressing it.... which doesn't help.

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jalopy · 22/02/2008 14:41

What's he like towards his dad?

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bb99 · 22/02/2008 20:28

It can be tricky trying to find things to praise, especially when you're used to a well behaved and lovely child as everything starts to focus on the not so lovely bits! .

DC1 went thru a bit of a tricky phase and we did a 'lovely list' of things she had done really well, more for our benefit than hers, so instead of moaning about the things she wasn't doing anymore, we looked at the things she was still doing or had started doing iyswim. Also for every 10 lovely above and beyond the scope of what we normally expect to get done (capable 12 yo, so we are fascist parents and expect emptying dishwasher and other tasks as part of the household contributions ) £1-00 gets added to weekly pocket money, and this has proved to be a good way for us to push the positive, bit like the supernanny thing but with a cash incentive...

Grasping at straws - I have seen children turn around in the classroom using the whole positive thing (combined with other measures)

Does the school have a family liaison officer (a FLO)?? They can help support parents etc and sometimes it's not so hard approaching non-teachers about things like this.

Good Luck!

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Calico1 · 22/02/2008 21:21

Appreciate the suggestions - I'll try tactfully to suggest these to my sister. We're not close - physically or emotionally, but I feel she needs some support as otherwise I can't see this resolving itself on its own.

Not sure about the dad relationship, my BIL is quite quiet and I expect takes a back seat when it comes to dealing with the children's issues. I think they tried a star chart - not sure if that is still in use.... but I like the 'lovely list' idea. At he moment my nephew seems to be proud of his bad behaviour and even boasts how many times he has been told off at school.