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Behaviour/development

Discipline a 20 months a old baby

36 replies

mala1 · 20/02/2008 23:03

Hi

My 20 months old daughter has been very difficult for the last 3 weeks at meal times. Every time we seat together to eat she only has 2 or 3 bites and then doesn't want to eat anymore and only wants to be in my arms. Today was my worst day ever, she refused have lunch and at dinner time she only had 2 bites. After several threats of going to her cot, I decided to give her a bath and put her to bed without her usual night bottle, she screamed like mad for 20 minutes until she fall asleep. I'm feeling really guilty and concerned to be very hard on her but I'm also concerned that if I don't stop it now things are going to go even worst. Any similar experiences out there? Am I crazy to discipline a 20 month baby?

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LadyOfWaffle · 20/02/2008 23:06

I wouldn't punish her as such with not giving her her night bottle - she isn't doing it on purpose and if she is like DS (23 months) she won't really understand it all anyway. If DS plays up at meal times and doesn't want anymore, I just let him get out of the chair. If he was hungry, he would eat. When he is old enough to understand "wait for everyone else to finish" or "sit back down and eat abit more", it would be different.

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HonorMatopoeia · 20/02/2008 23:08

My dd went through this and I was advised to not make meal times a battle ground as they soon learn that this is one thing they can control and proceed to make your life hell at mealtimes for the next x years! I used to clearly state that there would be no snacks until next meal and if she still refused put plate in fridge and allowed her to get down. If she said she was hungry then I'd offer her the meal (I'd even be kind enough to warm it up if she wanted it!). She didn't do it for too long as she realised there was nothing else on offer. That sounds cruel too on re-reading, but it is worth giving it a shot. Above all try not to lose your temper (so easy to say I know).

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Lulumama · 20/02/2008 23:09

sh wont; understand that you are taking her bottle away becasue she did not eat

a lot of toddlers go through phases of not eating,

just take the food away when she has finished

she will eat when she is hungry

don;t make meals a battle ground, setting up big problems for the future

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moondog · 20/02/2008 23:10

It is a very bad and dangerous idea to punish babies for not eating.

Leave her alone.

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PortAndLemon · 20/02/2008 23:10

I don't think there's much point witholding the night bottle -- she doesn't have the intellectual maturity to connect what you do at night time with what's happeed at lunch and dinner time, so all you're achieving is distressing her and yourself.

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hunkermunker · 20/02/2008 23:13

No, this isn't a good idea.

But you don't need a whole surge of people telling you that (and they will!) - you sound like you need positive help.

What does she like to eat? Is she teething? Do you have fun with her? Don't worry about how she is now meaning she'll be a nightmare 8yo or a tearaway teen - she's still very little and children change massively once they can talk to you and tell you why they're unhappy.

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mala1 · 20/02/2008 23:14

I just feel that sometimes babies are more clever than we think and the reason why I didn't give her the bottle was that she is not too bother to eat as she knows there is a bottle afterwards that will fill her up...

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Lulumama · 20/02/2008 23:16

sorry, you are wrong.

she needs her milk, for comfort and nutrition and it is part of her bed time routine and needs

she is not refusing food to get one over on you

she does not refuse lunch so that she gets milk at bedtime

at 20 months she does not thikn that far ahead

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hunkermunker · 20/02/2008 23:16

But does that matter, Mala?

Ease the pressure off yourself and her. Don't worry about the "ought to be" and the "what if she" - enjoy her, relax and I bet she'll be more relaxed too.

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littlelapin · 20/02/2008 23:19

This reply has been deleted

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mala1 · 20/02/2008 23:22

I will try to ignore the non eating situation and see how it goes.. I feel awful for what I've done but it is very frustrating times..

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littlelapin · 20/02/2008 23:24

This reply has been deleted

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HonorMatopoeia · 20/02/2008 23:25

Don't feel awful, I did something very similar before I got the 'battleground' advice and it is frustrating, especially if you've just spent ages cooking it. Parenthood teaches me depths of patience I never thought I would have to possess

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Lulumama · 20/02/2008 23:25

it is hard going

i have a 2.5 year old who has phases of very little/ no eating

i always give her milk, as much as she asks for , as that way i know she is getting something!

letting her pick at food, little picnics, can be more enticing than a big hot meal...

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mala1 · 20/02/2008 23:27

Her favorite thing is peas and of course chocolate. In my opinion the problem is not the food but wanting to be in our arms all the time. I need to relax more... What is your opinion of letting her eating on your lap at the dinner table?

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littlelapin · 20/02/2008 23:29

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Lulumama · 20/02/2008 23:31

not madly keen on child on lap , for me.. but sitting and eating with them , definitely!

i got a little plastic table and chairs for the children to eat at , made it more fun than the regular table!

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mala1 · 20/02/2008 23:32

Maybe the problem is the highchair.. I probably need to buy a booster seat to put in a normal chair so she feels more equal to us..

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hunkermunker · 20/02/2008 23:32

Mala, I'd let her. She sounds like something's troubling her and she needs a bit of reassurance. She can't tell you how she feels in great detail yet, so it's more important that you respond sensitively to her - I reckon that if you ease off the rules a bit, cuddle her more, laugh a lot with her and don't stress if she doesn't eat much, you'll feel easier about it.

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mala1 · 20/02/2008 23:34

I'm not keen either to let her eat on my lap as I feel I cannot enjoy my meal and also I don't want her to adopt this way of eating for ever..

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hunkermunker · 20/02/2008 23:36

OK, that's fair enough.

Do you cuddle her a lot when she's not eating? Can you make a concerted effort to sit with her and read stories, etc and not be distracted by things for the next couple of days?

And can you have a picnic lunch sometimes on a rug in the living room?

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mala1 · 20/02/2008 23:38

I don't think she is troubled by something as she seems happy at all times apart from meal times. I'm also very caring and love giving her cuddles all the time...

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hunkermunker · 20/02/2008 23:40

Sounds like it might be the highchair, or she's teething and her mouth hurts?

What are her favourite foods?

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mala1 · 20/02/2008 23:42

I will take your idea to eat at her little table together and she how it goes. I spend a lot of time reading her stories and playing with her ( puzzles, play dough, music time) but I'm also an independent mother that enjoy exercising and working part time.

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mala1 · 20/02/2008 23:42

Her favourite food is green peas and of course chocolate

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