Why do people give the school all the credit for my daughters good behaviour ?

[mummyloveslucy]

Hi, I have a 3 year old daughter who is very well behaved, she has excelent manners and is very loving and caring.(she has her moments of corse) but Surely at that age, most of that would be down to genetics and parenting?
A lot of people have commented on how well behaved she is and often ask what nursery she goes to. When I tell them, they say oh that's why she is so good.(she's at a private school's nursery). If I'd said any other nursery, they would probubly give me the credit for how she is. Or if she was badly behaved, would they blame me or the school? I kind of get the impression that this is a taste of things to come. If she achieves anything, passes exams ect they will say, that's because of the school. I get the feeling that she won't get any credit for her achievments. Why do people think like this?

[ArmadilloDaMan]

You are the parent.

You will only ever get the blame for your child's bad behaviour, never the credit for their good behaviour.

I am talking in general obv, but that's the way it goes unfortunately.

V. V. infuriating.

[mummyloveslucy]

Yes I know, next time I'll say she's not at nursery shes with me ALL the time.
And if she plays up then I'll say I'm just looking after her for somone else!

[edam]

how irritating!

[GooseyLoosey]

Very irritating indeed. I certainly get all of the credit for ds's bad behaviour.

[ConnorTraceptive]

DS only goes to nursery two mornings a weeks but everytime he does something new, learns something new etc people say "Ooh he must have picked that up at nursery"

Drives me nuts, I'm a SAHM what do they think he does with me all day - grrr

[blueshoes]

People don't want to believe you are a better parent than them.

[discoverlife]

It is said in by John Holt (Home educating) that applies here.

All credit goes to the school, but all failure is the students fault.

[cory]

Hmmm, probably something to do with the private nursery. My (also wellbehaved) dc's have only attended the local state-run non-faith playschools and schools, and nobody while commenting on the way they are has ever suggested this to me. Though in fact their schools are excellent ones with a strong emphasis teaching caring behaviour and probably should have some of the credit.
But then the people I meet either have their children at the same schools, or they have gone to more trouble to get them into private or faith schools, so they're not going to tell me that my schools can do anything better I have encountered a very strong reluctance in the latter category to ever hear about anything good going on in the run-of-the-mill state school.

[mummyloveslucy]

Not me though. I know there are some fantasic state schools out there, just not in our area. I'm pleased to hear bbout the good ones and all that they achieve, I wish we had a local school like that. You have the added bonus of corse of taking full credit for your childs good behaviour.

[Anna8888]

How annoying for you .

I've never had this - people often comment on how sage (good) my daughter is, and also on how good her English is (which of course she has learnt with me) - maybe the close association between her language skills and me also means they assume I am also responsible for her good behaviour?

[Twiglett]

Armadillo is right on this

I would say though, as a word to the wise ... she's 3, be careful not to be too smug too soon

[DarthVader]

it's not very english to say "my how well behaved your child is, you must be an excellent parent!"

Have you ever said this to anyone else?!!

[mummyloveslucy]

Twiglet- my dd went through terrible two's, tantrums, the works. in the last few months she has come through and the change is fantastic! I'm being smug while it lasts. Minde you, terrible two's is good practase for teenage years.

[Twiglett]

I've never had terrible twos .. both my kids went for feckin' frees instead

[Twiglett]

but in short bursts of course ..

[mummyloveslucy]

Darthvader- I don't know many other children but I do say things like "she's so confident/ friendly etc". It's always older women who say how well behaved she is, not other yong mums. It's probubly the same older womem that used to tut when she had a tantrum.

[Twiglett]

what pisses me off is when people say "you're so lucky they're so well-behaved"

lucky am I? lucky?

I'd bet my bottom dollar that if they were badly behaved it would be my fault

[sparklesandwine]

lol twiglet thats what my MIL says all the time 'i'm lucky to have such well behaved children'

I did turn round last year though and say to her 'luck has nothing to do with it, what on earth do you think i do all day!'

i think she took it as me being a bit precious about it (and i probably was) and maybe i shouldn't have said it but it felt good

[DarthVader]

mummyloveslucy I honestly think this is an english cultural thing. So if you said to other parents "she's so confident/ friendly etc", I bet you didn't also say to them "you must be a great parent"

Nobody ever seems to tell parents they are good parents (except maybe your own parents might tell you this). So good behaviour is put down to absolutely anything else! the nursery/school/luck...