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Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Behaviour/development

For those who are following, and helping with, the saga of my DS1 we are seeing the SENCO at school on Wednesday morning

28 replies

NAB3wishesfor2008 · 11/02/2008 09:39

I nearly cried this morning when I arranged the appointment. DH is coming too and we will have to take DS2 as well. I don't think he has special needs (Hubby thinks he might need a child psychologist) and I am a bit worried she will think we are idiots who don't have a clue and Ds1's behaviour is normal for a nearly 7 year old.

I am trying to see if he will talk to someone else as he just will not talk to us. Maybe he is just naughty so there is nothing to say?

What shall we tell her, and what should we ask?

I have always had a worry that he has something wrong with his heart due to problems at the end of my pregnancy and when he was delivered but I can't see that that could be the cause of his behaviour. He also reacted to his jabs, but again, any link I find hard to understand.

I am sorry to keep doing this but you are the only people I have to talk too.

OP posts:

Report

cornsilk · 11/02/2008 09:41

soryy I don't know about your ds Nab. Is he having behvioural problems?

littlelapin · 11/02/2008 09:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

colditz · 11/02/2008 09:46

It's so frightening, isn't it? When you start to get the ball rolling, I mean. You wonder to yourself if it's one of those Indiana Jones balls, that will be chasing you for the rest of your life.

Look at it this way - your Ds1 may or may not have a typical Special Educational Need, but he is presenting some VERY challenging behavior and you need some help with dealing with that.

dustystar · 11/02/2008 09:46

{{hugs}} Its really hard starting all this and you have my sympathy. I personally get quite stressed in meetings about ds. Even now with his school being fab I know I run the risk of getting emotional as its hard to focus on your child's difficuties. For this reason i always make a list of my concerns and take that with me. At this stage I would write down any concerns you have. Some may seem irrelevant but the SENCO may still see patterns in it.

Good luck

NAB3wishesfor2008 · 11/02/2008 09:48

It is the same lady we saw when he was in Reception as he wouldn't do as he was told then but was an angel at school. We all realised it wasn't SN that he had and tbh I can't remember what happened. I did say to her this morning that I wasn't sure if she was the right person but she said she would point is in the right direction if that is what we needed.

I bet they all think I am clueless as he is no trouble at school.

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NAB3wishesfor2008 · 11/02/2008 09:48

It really upsets me to see the youngest one scared and clingy and I don't want him or his sister thinking they have to put up with this behaviour.

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Desiderata · 11/02/2008 10:05

Good luck with the appointment, NAB. I know you've been through the mill with all this, and I sincerely hope you get some answers on Wednesday.

Keep us informed.

NAB3wishesfor2008 · 11/02/2008 10:06

Thank you.

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lucyellensmum · 11/02/2008 10:23

NAB you are NOT useless and NOT clueless - if you were, then quite frankly, he would be a little bastard whereever he was! That is meant kindly im sure you know that

Well done for seeking some help - dont be fobbed off!

NAB3wishesfor2008 · 12/02/2008 13:19

This morning I told him all I wanted for my birthday was for him to be a good boy. He said he still doesn't want to live here and if I say that he will get all hot tempered again.

Feeling stressed about tmw.

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HonoriaGlossop · 12/02/2008 14:10

I think telling him you just want him to be a good boy won't help anyone NAB. I know you think people are getting at you when things like that are picked out but in the interests on honesty and trying to help I can't not mention it.

It's SO negative toward him and it's way, way to general - it is just 'pressure' - HOW exactly can he be a good boy? Tell him exactly what to do rather than making a general remark like that which will only make him feel crap. How does he meet what you want?

i think he's very sensible to tell you that if you say that sort of thing, he will get cross! I would...wouldn't you?

how would it feel if your DH looked at you and said "all I want for my birthday is for you to be BETTER"?

ANYHOO, moving on - brilliant that you've got that booked and I think the thing to focus on would be getting a picture of how he is at school currently; if he's fine and she can't actually help him then definitely ask her to signpost you; don't leave until you feel you have a pathway to follow, somewhere to go next!

Good luck

NAB3wishesfor2008 · 12/02/2008 14:49

Thanks for that, HG. What I wanted, people telling me where I am going wrong. I guess I was expecting him to know what I mean.

Hubby just gone to get him from school. They all want birthday cake so I think they will come home very excited!

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HonoriaGlossop · 12/02/2008 15:49

Perhaps you were expecting too much then - he isn't even 7 yet, is he, if I remember correctly?

NAB3wishesfor2008 · 12/02/2008 15:50

He is 7 next month.

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NAB3wishesfor2008 · 12/02/2008 18:30

Topped the lot.

Took his seat belt off while Dh was driving. Thank God we were on our road and doing about 2mph. Kids!!!!!

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NicMac · 12/02/2008 18:36

hi

I think you should just bear in mind that everyone is there to help you- that is what we pay our taxes for so don't be intimated. You are doing a fantastic job in very challenging circumstances. Happy birthday - I hoep this year will be a lot happier for you all

HonoriaGlossop · 13/02/2008 21:51

Did you have the appointment today NAB? Was it any help?

NAB3wishesfor2008 · 14/02/2008 13:26

Hi

Thanks for asking.

She said we had to ignore bad behaviour as much as possible, distract him if he is about to kick off and look for warning signs (there aren't any) and to praise when good. Give him one to one time. All things we know and should be doing but it has been really hard just lately.

Down to us basically.

She also said I have raised a very nice and polite little boy who is no trouble at school and gets on with his work.

We had a much better day yesterday and the high light for me was when I went upstairs at 8.30 last night, I went in to check on him and he wasn't there. He called out that he was in the loo and when he came out he put his arm around me and we walked back to his room with our arms around each other. It was so lovely.

Worried the bad news on the pet thread will bring back probs over his bereavement before Christmas.

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lucyellensmum · 14/02/2008 14:04

NAB, you have it from the horses mouth YOU ARE DOING A GOOD JOB!!!

HonoriaGlossop · 14/02/2008 18:35

well there you are NAB - many parents would kill to have school describe their boy in those glowing terms "very nice and polite and gets on with his work"!!!!!

Well done! You and dh are clearly doing a hell of a lot right.

As you say, you know exactly what you need to be doing and probably do most of the time anyway.....I've been thinking the main things for you and your dh with your ds1 are not getting drawn into battles and moving on, not harbouring resentment or bringing up past behaviour (which is of course one of the hardest things to do - it's bloomin hard not to harbour anger and to move on when a child has been driving you mad) I'm sure it will be a key thing that will help though

good luck

NAB3wishesfor2008 · 14/02/2008 19:38

Thank you.

He asked me to read to him and we did today. I must do it more as we both really enjoyed it!

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mumandlovingit · 14/02/2008 20:11

try to start each ay with a clean slate, dont talk about what he did wrong the day before or his behaviour. we're having a few problems with our eldest on and off at the moment and have been referred to someone for us to see if it is adhd or anything like that.i dont think it is but they have to check apparently.

we've been told to praise any good behaviour so that he gets a buzz out of being good, ignore little things he's doing wrong and tell him off for bad behaviour but then the subject ends there, dont keep bringing it up over and over. they dsaid, if your child thinks you expect him to be bad/naughty then he will be. if the child thinks you see him in a good light then he will feel better about himself and be better behaved.

just ideas and what we've been told.i dont know the history of what you've got going on, just this thread. with our boy, he's 6 and a half and had a very difficult birth. he's also asthmatic, allergic to dogs/cats and also has a lactose problem.dairy gives im alot of pain and also sends his temper through the roof! as do colourings etc.

good luck and keep posting.you're not alone and certainly not a bad parent. if you dont get the help you need through the school ask the doctor. they can refer you to someone who can look into it deeper.

good luck and let us know how you get on.

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mumandlovingit · 14/02/2008 20:13

Sorry for the spelling!

i really shoud preview messages before i post them!

HonoriaGlossop · 15/02/2008 08:06

I think reading to him every day is a genius idea. It's calm, focussed, special time for you both. My mum read to my brother and I till he was 12 and asked her to stop!

I think having that routine might really help, because he knows that every day, no matter what, you and he will have that.

And don't be tempted to take it away as a punishment - I think it should be set in stone

NAB3wishesfor2008 · 15/02/2008 10:18

DH always does his bed time reading as well as listens to him read his school book as he has such little time with him that I thought it could be there special time but having the drama of no lights yesterday I couldn't do what I normally did so it was an ideal time. I also read him most of a chapter at bed time and we enjoyed that too. I only stopped as I had to go and get a replacement hamster without the kids realising H had even died.

DH and I are going away for 2 nights on Monday and I am going to give him the next Famous Five book so he can start if with MIL if he wants too.

BTW DD has started being a real pain and sometimes DS1 will speak out of turn and I will just say to him not to worry about her and it stays calm.

So so proud of him.

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