On mat leave and ds has begun an aversion to nursery- anyone experienced this?

[smithfield]

I know this sounds obvious, because after all our routine has now changed considerably.
Any major change I would presume creates an impact to their little worlds.

He must be aware there will be a new addition but he never mentions this and it doesnt 'seem' to be bothering him yet.

Ds is 3 at the end of feb, bub is due 15th feb.

I took mat leave from xmas as I work full time and wanted to have time with ds before bub arrives.
Whilst working ds was in nursery 2 days and then with mil 2/3 days (as I worked from home most fridays).

I decided to keep him on at nursery whilst on mat leave for the obvious reasons, break for me and some continuity for ds, plus I was planning to put the baby in as well once I return to work.

TBH Ds has never taken to nursery. He didnt go at all until 18months, he has been at this nursery a while now (about a year).

He has now started sobbing prior to leaving of a morning. He clings on to me when I try and leave him and he tells me how he doesnt like nursery etc.
When I turn up to pick him up he has been tearful throughout the day.

More worryingly he seems to have started weeing himself both at nursery and then when he gets home the accidents continue. Yet he is fine the rest of the week at home.

Is he really this unhappy?
Would really like to hear if anyone has had a similar experience of this, as at the moment I am tempted to take him out. I just feel if this is what he is like 'before' baby arrives, it will only get worse??
I cant bare to think of him being so unhappy.

[Twiglett]

why on earth are you avoiding talking about the new baby ... you really need to be discussing his new baby and how he's going to be a big brother .. and how important it is that he's going to help mummy look after his new baby

Also you ask if he really is this unhappy .. only you can answer that .. from what you're saying it sounds like yes he is .. he knows you're at home and he isn't ..

I'm sorry but I think you need to do something about this

[emmaagain]

I agree with every word twiglett wrote

[smithfield]

we aren't 'avoiding' talking about the new baby

[smithfield]

The point is he is fine whilst at home.

[luckylady74]

The crying throughout the day would worry me - it's more usual to cry at drop off and then then forget all about it in 5 minutes. I do think any time between 9ths and 3yrs is a really difficult time to start nursery because before 9mts any loving person will do and after 3yrs they seem really ready for a bit of socialising.
do you feel the nursery is right for him, would he be happier with a childminder or could you reduce/compact your hours?
He probably will get used to it in the end, but i really wish i had listened to my instincts and taken ds1 out of preschool when he was doing this - he wet himself and cried too - and i'd just had his siblings - i really think i could have just started him again in a few months and he would have settled in as beautifully as he did to school.
Hope it gets better.

[emmaagain]

Then why not keep him at home with you while on maternity leave? Going back to work is a lifetime away for Ds.

I'd always rather have everyone happy now than continue with something which is making someone unhappy because I hope it'll make things easier further down the line. Improvise when the future arrives, that's my motto

I bet if you keep him home, and talk about his little brother/sister coming soon, and with him being at home, he can get really invested in helping with and engaging with the new one. Congratulations to you on your expanding family!

[smithfield]

luckylady- thanks for that. TBH I have no idea how things will pan out re going back to work, but I have started to think about a childminder. It was great having mil do 2 days but I think two will be too much.
He hasnt been toilet trained long, so at first I put the wetting down to this. But he seems ok rest of the week pretty much. So now Im thinking twice.

Emmaagain-my gut is saying to pull him out yes. DH says wait til he goes into his new group (they change at 3).
But I just cant see this improving if this is 'before' baby iyswim. Hes a very sensitive little boy. Not loud and boisterous. Maybe nursery is just not for him but he coped with it knowing I was at work.

[emmaagain]

Ah, smithfield, follow your mama gut. It's usually right. Where's the hug emoticon?

Maybe he could have a "fraternity leave", like Dh will get two weeks paternity and you'll get your 9 months maternity or however long, and he'll have fraternity leave from nursery

[smithfield]

Emmaagain- 'fraternity leave' lol. I guess I was thinking, perhaps it could be a phase.
He 'has been' ok with nursery up til now.
Flippin daycare- such a minefield!

[Karen999]

Oh god, sounds awful for your poor DS. If I were you I would keep him at home....he may already know that you are at home now and this is why he is getting upset. Have him at home with you, enjoy getting ready for the baby's arrival together and I am sure he will settle..